Dogma

First off, I love Kevin Smith. This guy is awesome. He doesn’t compromise his dialogue just because of ratings. (Clerks was almost NC-17 just because of the dialogue.) He’s true to himself (well, except maybe for Mallrats). And he knows how real people talk. (Except for maybe some of Alyssa’s speeches in Chasing Amy.)

Cross Mallrats (his worst movie) with Chasing Amy (his best, but not funniest, movie) and maybe Woody Allen’s Love And Death and you might get this movie. Bethany (Linda Fiorentino) is a Catholic woman who works at an abortion clinic. How could she be both Pro-Choice and Catholic? Because she’s lost her faith. That all changes one night when she meets Metatron (Alan Rickman). He says that he’s The Voice Of God and it’s hard to not believe him. He puts her on the trail of Loki and Bartleby (Matt Damon and Ben Affleck), a couple of renegade angels who want to walk through the threshold of a church in Jersey. They were cast out of Heaven into Wisconsin for flipping God off and basically being really annoying. Now, because Cardinal Glick (George Carlin in one of the most inspired casting decisions in years) has changed some rules, they can be forgiven just by walking into the church. If they walk out and are killed, though, existence stops. What does that mean? It would be bad. You thought total plutonic reversal was bad?

Then there’s Azrael (Jason Lee) who wants to help Loki and Bartleby because he was also cast out of Heaven into Hell. He’s gotten some of the Mighty Ducks (Yeah, I stole the reference from the movie. Sue me.) to follow him around and kill the people who get in his way. And Rufus, the 13th Apostle (Chris Rock) falls from the sky to help Bethany. We meet Serendipity (Salma Hayek dancing again!!!) in a strip club. (She’s the Muse responsible for 19 of the 20 top grossing films of all time.) And, of course, Jay and Silent Bob. It wouldn’t be a Kevin Smith flick without these guys. They’re a couple of profits who help lead Bethany back to Jersey. They were in Chicago looking for Shermer, Illinois, the fictional town where all of John Hughes’ old movies take place. (There’s lots of beautiful babes and no dealers!)

This is not a blasphemous movie, if you happen to be worried about that. That little rumor was started by a bunch of people who had only heard things from other people who had maybe seen the movie. Actually, Kevin is a pretty devout Catholic and he’s just trying to point out some of the good and bad points of the church he grew up in. And so much of it is true that other Catholics are up in arms about it. They can’t take the fact that someone has said what they all feel but are too scared to say. Afterall, we all know the Catholic church is perfect. (Of course, I’m not Catholic, so I’m going to Hell.)

So, this isn’t Kevin’s best movie (still Chasing Amy), but it’s not his worst, either. As I said, it’s a cross between the two. It has lofty ideas and some very serious moments (like Amy), but it’s all wrapped in a very comic book type world of religious super heroes and bumbling bad guys (like Mallrats). Just to show how cartoony he can be, Smith throws in an Excrement Demon. (Don’t ask. It’s best not to.)

That’s all well and good, but I did have a big problem with it. It was too long! I never thought I would say that about a Kevin Smith movie. I wanted Clerks and Chasing Amy (and even sometimes Mallrats) to go on forever. At a little over two hours, though, this one had a few too many explanation scenes. I know we all needed those scenes because we haven’t all read The Bible (at least, I haven’t), but I know there had to be a better way to do it than have Jason Lee pontificate for five minutes over why he was thrown out of Heaven and why he doesn’t want to exist anymore. I guess it was his first screenplay, though, so I can forgive him. (He wrote this before Clerks, but put it off until he could get good special effects. And what special effects! They’re all over the place. Not the best I’ve ever seen, but definitely interesting. And violent! I never thought Kevin would be this bloody.)

Other than that, the writing is pretty good. Although it’s hard to believe that people in Heaven cuss this much. The performances make it pretty believable, though. It’s interesting to see Matt and Ben playing bad guys. They did a good job of being bad without being unlikeable. Linda had almost seems to have the toughest time with her role, but she finally pulls it off. Everybody else seems to be having a good time with it and playing it to the hilt. Especially Matt, Ben, Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith. These guys probably could have carried the whole movie by themselves. (And they almost did.)

So the movie’s a little too long, but still definitely worth seeing if your a fan of Kevin, Catholicism or well written cultural references. (Kevin Smith and Quentin Tarantino (and sometimes Ben Stiller) seem to be the only ones who can do it right.)It’s a good time even with its overlong scenes. Just have an open mind about religion and other people’s views of it and you’ll enjoy it.

Watch for Janeane Garofalo as Bethany’s co-worker (she’s got a great scene with the protesters), Jeff Anderson (Randall from Clerks) as a gun store clerk (no funny lines for him, though), Brian O’Halloran (Dante from Clerks) as a reporter and Bud Cort (Harold from Harold And Maude) as an old man who is attacked they the satanic hockey kids at the beginning. (Has he really gotten that old? I hope that’s all makeup because he’s only 50 years old.) Then, of course, there’s Alanis Morissette as no less than God. If a woman has to play God somehow I knew she would make sure to get the part. (Actually, Emma Thompson was supposed to play God, but she got pregnant. Guess that wouldn’t work, huh?)