Charlie's Angels

But before we get to the actual ass kicking, let’s take in a couple of previews.

THE SIXTH DAY–This is the new flick from Der Ahnold. Something about a clone of him running around and taking over his life. I like Arnie and I want him to make another good movie. But this ain’t it.

VERTICAL LIMIT–Chris O’Donnell climbs K-2 to save his stupid sister from an avalanche. Pretty damn good cast for this Cliffhanger type flick. Scott Glenn, Bill Paxton, Robin Tunney…and, well, Chris. But I may be able to forgive it that. What I can’t forgive it for is Chris’s hair. Does this take place in the 80s?

As long as director Martin Campbell (GoldenEye and Mask Of Zorro) keeps up his good work with action, this could be good. Let’s keep our fingers crossed. And now, the main attraction: Once upon a time there were three little girls who worked for an elusive millionaire at his private investigation agency.

This time out, instead of Farrah, Kate or Cheryl, we get Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz. But this is not a bad thing at all.

They’ve been hired by a scientist name Knox (Sam Rockwell from Safe Men, The Green Mile and Galaxy Quest) to find out who’s after his secrets. His assistant, Vivian (Kelly Lynch from Drugstore Cowboy and a bunch of stupid movies since then), seems to be smarter than him.

They believe that Roger Corwin (the always maniacal Tim Curry) is out to get them for the money that he could make off of Knox’s ideas.

So the Angels and Charlie’s assistant, Bosley (Bill Murray in a role way too small for him), are off. They try desperately to figure out what the hell is going on. Unfortunately there’s a tall, thin, silent man (played by Crispin Glover of Back To The Future fame) stalking them and trying to thwart their every move.

Kick ass Kung Fu ensues. With Crispin in tow!

When I first saw the trailers for this I knew that I had to see it because I love all three of the girls and Bill’s pretty damn cool in supporting roles like this. I didn’t have very high hopes, though. Especially after I heard that Drew didn’t want the Angels to carry guns. What would they do for the silhouette?!

Now I’m glad they didn’t use guns. After months of training these girls (and Crispin!!!!) pulled off some Wire Fu that I haven’t seen this side of The Matrix. The fight scenes were amazing for actors who didn’t know Iron Monkey from Drunken Master. The only one who looked comfortable with the moves in the first trailers was Lucy because she actually knows some Kung Fu. She’s no Michele Yeoh, but who is? Cameron looked positively goofy flipping her arms around like she was waving them in front of a tv screen trying to make them look rubber.

But these chicks did a great job. Of course, the wires didn’t hurt too much, either. Neither did all of the slo-mo. And Drew went so far as to name some of her moves as she did them! (Although what she did at the end wasn’t exactly the Moon Walk. But that’s nit picking.)

The filmmakers seemed to know exactly the right tone to take, too. It wasn’t serious at all, but it wasn’t too funny. It was pretty much a perfect blend of homage and parody, as a movie based on a tv show should be. I think these girls really liked the original show and wanted to carry on in that tradition. I know that McG watched all of the episodes before he went into the director’s chair. Now that’s dedication! I couldn’t have done that.

Yes, there were some really cheesy parts of it. (The girls run down a flight of stairs while undressing and are suddenly in leather that they couldn’t have hidden under their clothes, Bosley gets a ball and glove in a prison cell, a montage of the girls as teenagers in the beginning), but it’s all there on purpose. It’s supposed to be cheesy. The show was cheesy and so were the 70s. They used bad transitions between scenes like fire effects, they had a lot of “laser” type effects–and it all worked! It was a great meshing of a 70s feel with Matrix like special effects.

Drew was great as the unofficial leader and bad girl, as was Lucy as the more dignified of the trio. But the real standout was Cameron as the goofy, not quite all there member. She just went all out with her pratfalls and then pulled it together enough to do some ass kicking that looked as realistic as any of it in this movie. Not to mention the fact that she did things for Underoos that I never thought could be done for them. WOW!

And then there’s Crispin. Who the hell gave this guy his bad ass card?! How did he go from nervous breakdown poster child to a menacing, mysterious bad guy? He was awesome as the Thin Man. I was actually scared of him for the first time ever. In real life he’s certifiable, but in this movie he was evil.

Bill and Tim didn’t get nearly enough screen time. Bill did a lot with what he had and was very funny, but I would have liked to have seen him try to do some of the Kung Fu and fail at it. Or maybe secretly be a master at it. That would have been kind of cool. But, alas, it was not to be. He drifted in and out of scenes doing some pretty funny pratfalls and comic relief in a movie that already had plenty. I’m glad he was in it, though.

Tim was just kind of there, as were Tom Green, Matt LeBlanc and Luke Wilson. They were Drew’s, Lucy’s and Cameron’s love interests, respectively. Tom had a few good scenes pretty much playing himself and Matt was ok as an actor who didn’t know what Lucy did for a living and Luke was alright as a guy who “speaks Natalie.” He was just as naive as Cameron, but not as funny. They were romantic sidebars. Not much else. But they didn’t distract, so they were allowed to be in there. The only really bad thing about it was a semi-sappy ending. One of the Angels has a near encounter with Charlie and we’re supposed to get all teary eyed about it. I didn’t. It was a minor flaw in an otherwise fun movie.

And, no, we don’t see Charlie. But he’s still played by John Forsythe and still uses the same conference phone. That was a nice touch. Supposedly the office looked pretty much the same, too, but I didn’t watch the show enough in reruns to notice that. I’m sure I’ll get a chance now. Although I don’t know that I’ll take that chance. Not many 70s tv shows impress me much. Some of the popular ones (The Mod Squad) were just terrible and their movies were worse. It’s good to see one actually getting a good screen treatment.

Don’t go into this movie expecting a great film. Just go expecting a cool movie that’s a lot of fun. This is the movie that Spiceworld should have been and we were all glad it wasn’t. It’s got some of the best action I’ve seen all year and it doesn’t take itself too seriously. That’s the real pleasure in it.

Well, that and the girls in skimpy clothes. Nothing wrong with that.