SXSW 2002 – Citizen Toxie

With that line from the deleted scenes of Fight Club, Lloyd Kaufman brings Troma into a new era of offensiveness. Yes, folks. We’re ready once again. South By Southwest is in full force. And it’s my time to tell you all about the new movies that you need to watch for and some oldies that you may have forgotten about. And to start things off I gotta tell you about the newest Troma flick. South By has, ironically, chosen to honor MPAA miser, Jack Valenti at the same festival that he gives a retrospective to Lloyd Kaufman, founder and king of the smut filled Troma Films company. If you wanted to give Jack a heart attack you would probably want to show him two Troma films back to back. And, if you wanted to give Lloyd a heart attack, well, you probably couldn’t. But the best way to try would be to show Jack two Troma films back to back.

After the dinner, Lloyd called Jack the man “who has done more to fuck up independent film than anyone else in the world.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself. (Although I probably did, because that’s not exactly a direct quote. You know me.)

But really Lloyd is a very nice guy. And he’s always excited about meeting his fans. I’ve had the honor of hanging out with him a couple of times since he’s been in town and you just have to love the guy. He’s not afraid to say anything about anybody and he’s always very, very funny.

And his minions (including Barak Epstein, director of Cornman–I feel bad now about giving that movie such a HORRIBLE review…but it was really bad) let me put on the Toxie mask for the Texas premiere of Citizen Toxie! Talk about your dream come true!!

But, really, I’m not here to talk about my adventures with Lloyd. (Ok, maybe a little bit.) I’m here to review his new movie

The Toxic Avenger has kind of turned into a folk hero in the homes of gore fans everywhere. Back in 1985 when he made his debut no one really knew what to make of him. I mean, this guy was a hero, but he squashed peoples’ heads and he was mutated!

But he found his niche. And it was usually right in the crevices of the brains of college students everywhere. And since that first flick back in the 80s there have been two really lame sequels (apparently, I’ve never seen them) that no one likes at all.

But now Toxie’s back and better than ever. This time out there are TWO Toxies for the price of a quarter of one!

The Diaper Mafia have decided to take the Tromaville School For The Very Special hostage and they’re killing a kid every 13 minutes (or something like that). It’s up to Toxie to save them! He and his sidekick, Lardass (Troma regular, Joe Fleishaker) are sent in to save the retar…erm, very special kids.

Unfortunately, the leader of the Diaper Mafia has an evil plan to get what he wants. He’s strapped a bomb to himself that will go off five seconds after his heart stops beating. So, of course Toxie kills him and has five seconds to save the kids, impregnate his wife and get himself and Lardass to safety. By a weird stroke of fate, though, Toxie gets sent to another dimension called Amortville where Noxie is the evil leader. But where’s Noxie?

Lloyd is kind of like a John Waters for the 80s, 90s and beyond. John’s not making movies like he used to, so someone has to take over. In comes Lloyd with his heroes that kill as many good guys as bad guys and chop sticks through eye. And since almost all of his ideas come from the paper, they are actually satire. Toxie was originally based on a story about toxic waste being dumped near a neighborhood.

This one is no different. He uses Toxie to comment on Columbine (The Diaper Mafia) and our problem in Jasper, TX (a black man being dragged by a couple of white supremacists behind their truck–this one was VERY uncomfortable).

But, remember, this is a Troma movie, so while it deals with some serious issues on one level, it’s pure Z-grade entertainment on the surface. And Citizen Toxie delivers more than almost any of their other features. I still like Terror Firmer better, but this one is pretty damn close.

If you love Troma, do yourself a favor and see this movie if it comes to your town. If it doesn’t come, rub it and see if it will. If it still doesn’t come, petition your local indie theatre. Promise them lines around the block (and there will be) and maybe you, too, can get Troma to your town.