Reign Of Fire

But let’s see some previews of movies that are evolving. SHANGHAI KNIGHTS–What are these people thinking? Shanghai Noon was just about the worst movie that Jackie Chan has ever been in. And now they’ve made a sequel to prolong our (and Jackie’s) agony. I think Mr. Chan needs to kind of reinvent himself. He may be (and I’ll probably get all kinds of flames for this one) getting too old to be doing all of the stuff that he used to do. The man is 48 years old. It may be time for him to slow down a little. He’s been jumping back and forth between LA and Hong Kong making these action flicks that are increasingly getting stale. Maybe he needs to stick to slapstick type comedy or something. Or directing. Maybe he should direct Jet Li in something! Put Jet and Sammo Hung in a movie together. Yeah, maybe their styles don’t really mix, but that could be the fun of it. (Not that Sammo’s not getting old, too, but he’s learned how to slow down. “Martial Law” was pretty pathetic, though.)

Just an idea. Still love ya, Jackie.

That’s the only preview I can remember. Now, here there be dragons.

Somewhere in the early part of the 21st Century, young Quinn Abercromby (how much do you think Abercrombie & Fitch paid for his name?) goes to visit his mother at a construction site (or a coal mine…not really sure what the hell it is. They’re just digging a lot). While he’s there, one of her less friendly co-workers sends Quinn into a mysterious hole. (The two of them actually have one of the funniest exchanges in the whole movie…although I don’t think a kid that age would be quite so witty.)

While he’s down there he finds a very strange looking part of the cave wall. When he puts his hand on it, it moves. That’s when he realizes that something is very, very wrong. Especially when the walls start to spit fire and sticky, burning substances at him.

That’s how the dragons are woken up. Skip ahead about 20 years to see Quinn (Christian Bale, who fits his name a little better…bastard) the leader of a small castle full of survivors. The dragons have taken over the earth and burned most of the cities. Now there are only a few outposts left. Quinn’s best friend is the somewhat sarcastic Creedy (Gerard Butler who is much better here than he is as Dracula). To keep the children safe and entertained they say a prayer with them each night (basically reciting rules of survival) and act out their favorite movies for them. (LOVED the Star Wars scene…that rocked! I was glad to see that it lived on after the film had died.)

There’s a faction of the folks who want to move on or at least get food before it’s really time, but Quinn and Creedy keep them at bay.

That is, until Denton Van Zan (Matthew McConaughey) show up with his army of Kentucky Regulators…and tanks. Lots and lots of tanks. They need shelter for the night, but, of course, everyone is a little leery of them.

But, if it weren’t for Van Zan, Alex (Izabella Scorupco from GoldenEye) and their band of intense looking soldiers and dragon slayers, Quinn’s community would never have had the adventure that they had. And we wouldn’t have had the coolest action scene of the whole flick.

A lot of people have been waiting for a good dragon slayer type movie to come along and this one almost fits the bill. Almost.

Director Rob Bowman (The X-Files movie and various other great sci-fi series…oh, and Airborne) knows how to turn the suspense and action up. He knows how to keep us waiting for something that we just know is going to happen. And he seems to love to stick kids in holes to make them start the whole thing off.

And he certainly knows how to film an action sequence with a lot of special effects. The dragons definitely looked like CGI (but REALLY good CGI), but nothing ever looked fake. You could tell that the actors were really into it.

My only real complaints are that the end was pretty anti-climactic and some of the dialogue was pretty bad. (Van Zan: “He’s playing hide and seek with us.” Quinn: “More like cat and mouse.” Yeah. Thanks, Christian. We’ll call you when we need more NEEDLESS FUCKING DIALOGUE!!!)

Other than that, it was pretty cool. Certainly not a great film, but who expected that? It’s just a fun, dark-ass flick about killing dragons in the future. (So, is it fantasy? Or sci-fi? Or war? I’m thinking special-ops war fantasy.)

Catch it on an off-day at matinee time. Definitely worth a look.

And listen for Matthew to reference everybody’s favorite Austin film festival! Ok, it could have been a coincidence, but it almost seems intentional.