Christmas Rant 2002

I heard that song on the radio tonight and, were I not a real man, I would have shed a tear. That’s right, folks, Christmas time is here again, and we’re about to go to war. Isn’t that what it’s really all about? Peace? Pah! Love? Nah. Understanding? Blech! We want War! We Want oil! And, most of all WE WANT MONEY!!

But what is this season really about? Let’s go back to the absolute basics.

Presents!

Shut up, Cartman.

No, it’s not about presents. It’s not about getting your heart’s desires. And, really, it’s not about Jesus and God, as all of the Christians would have you believe. It’s not about 1 day of oil lasting for 8 days as the Jews would have you believe. And it’s not about…um…whatever Kwanzaa is all about, either.

No, this season is about loving your fellow man. It’s about peace. And, yes, it’s about understanding.

And, most of all, it’s about NOT BEING GREEDY! It’s about NOT going to war just to get a little bit of oil out of the ground of a nation that can’t even pay for food. (Oh, the nation’s government could, but they don’t want to give up their money for peasants.)

Our government says that that’s why we’re going over there: to oust Saddam and put in…um…well, pretty much nothing in his place. They say that we’re NOT going over there for oil. They say we’re NOT going over there for revenge. They say we’re going over there to further Democracy and the “War On Terrorism.”

Guess what, folks. The WOT is over. We lost Osama a long time ago. Our pathetic little “war” was about as successful as the first season of Supertrain. The al Queda network is building its forces again and gaining momentum. They’re just as powerful and dangerous (if not more so) as they were just before they toppled our buildings.

So the Shrub and his minions are going after an easier target. One that we’ve beaten before and we can beat again. They don’t really have much of a plan, but they’re going to go in anyway. Oh, and they don’t have any real support, either. Tony Blair has kind of come out as a Bush supporter, but his country isn’t behind him. The rest of the world (and the UN) hasn’t yet decided on the war that Bush decided on the day he “won” the “election.” And Canada has decided that we’re a rogue nation! A group of them are coming over the border to find our weapons of mass destruction because, by Little Georgie’s own definition we are, indeed, a rogue nation!

That’s just about the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. The spirit of Michael Moore has infiltrated his favorite country.

Here in America we’ve kind of forgotten about the important things like our failing economy, our future, our safety, our Bill Of Rights and our peace. We’re more interested in things like whether or not Trent Lott is a racist because he said that we would have been better off if Strom Thurmond had won the presidential election back in the 50s.

You know, there’s something wrong with this. There are things that you say at someone’s birthday that you may not think through all the way. I think that Lott just thought it would be a nice thing to say on Thurmond’s 1050th birthday. I’m not saying that they aren’t both racists (they’re both Republicans, after all…ooooooohh!), but I don’t think that Trent meant that he would rather have us segregated like Strom wanted us to be back then.

So now we’re going to get someone who’s even closer to the Shrub.

Is it just me or are all of the people who are against him slow…er, quickly disappearing? First there was the Democrat Senator in the plane crash. Then there was the Secretary of the Treasury. Now there’s Lott. And there have been quite a few in between. Weird, huh?

And we’re worried about the war. The “War On Terrorism.”

When the government starts saying things like, “This will not be another Vietnam.” you have to worry. That’s when you realize that even they know it’s not a legitimate war.

I try really hard to believe in the good inside people, but folks like our government really make it hard. They don’t have the guts to tell us all that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.

It’s Christmas time and we should be looking at a peaceful future. We should be reveling in the spirit of the holiday season. We should be buying gifts for our loved ones. Instead, what are we doing? We’re cowering in fear because we don’t know what the hell is going on on the other side of the world. We don’t know what our president will do next. We don’t know if WWIII is going to start tomorrow.

And besides that, we can’t buy our loved ones presents. We don’t have the fucking money! There are more people out of jobs then there have been since…well, since the last Republican had our most powerful office.

Isn’t it strange that when Democrats are in office our economy is great and when Republicans are in office we’re all destitute? Except for the Republicans, of course. They’re richer than ever.

Fuck them.

I saw The Two Towers yesterday. There were parts of that movie that were really hard to watch. I saw things happen to the people of Middle Earth that I see happen to my own people now.

They have someone who has taken power that doesn’t belong to him. He has used that power to uproot the environment, start a war that no one wants and basically destroy the very ideals of their world.

When Treebeard came out of his forest to see his fellow trees burned, cut and slashed into oblivion, he said, “A wizard should know better.”

Well, not when that wizard has unlimited power that he’s given himself. And that’s exactly what Bush has done. He’s given himself the power to wield his country. He’s become the Wizard of Blahs. And when our Grand Wizard gets going, there may be no stopping him.

But the line that really got to me was said by King Theoden when he realized that his son had died while he was under the influence of Sauromon. “The old get stronger while the young perish.” That seems to be the theme of our latest Republican regime.

There’s another Christmas song that this year really reminds me of: “I Believe In Father Christmas” by Emerson, Lake And Palmer. (Yeah, they’re pretentious as hell, but I kinda like ‘em. Sue me.) It’s probably the most pessimistic Christmas song ever written, so, of course, I’ve always loved it.

“Hallelujah, Noel. Be it Heaven or Hell, the Christmas we get we deserve.”

If only that were true. Then the people of American and Iraq and all of the countries in between would be having a great and prosperous Christmas while our leaders were burning in Hell.

But maybe we are getting the Christmas we deserve. We’ve all been sitting pretty for the past couple hundred years while other countries have been pissed on, mostly by us. We bomb the hell out of them (sometimes even on Christmas!) and then expect them to kiss our asses the next day.

Guess what. They’re through kissing our asses. They’re ready to kick them.

I saw a book the other day that was called Why The Left Hates America: Exposing The Lies That Have Obscured Our Nation’s Greatness by Daniel J. Flynn. I didn’t buy the book only because I don’t want to put money in this asshole’s pocket. He actually thinks that, because we point out our country’s flaws, we hate it. Ya know what, Dan? That actually makes us the real Patriots. That’s right. We can take a step back, look at what our government has done and say, “Hey! That’s not what this country is about!” We don’t try to make it seem as if our shit doesn’t smell like ass. It’s the Right that hates America. They have taken a great concept and twisted it to their own putrid advantage. They will lie, cheat, steal, even kill in order to make more money and find more oil.

I’ve tried to leave my mark make a difference. I write my little manifestos. I try to buy gas from places that supposedly don’t buy theirs from foreign fields. I try to give a little bit to groups like the Sierra Club (although, that’s really fucking hard no since I have NO money). I recycle. I try to make people see what’s going on.

Well, no one reads my website. A quick visit to snopes.com tells me that the e-mail telling me that I can actually make a difference by buying gas from certain companies is COMPLETELY false. The stuff I recycle most likely goes straight to the dump. And most of my friends agree with me anyway, so I can’t say that I’m adding people to the fight.

And really what’s the fight good for? We have a government that’s not “by the people, for the people” anymore. It was appointed by a court. And President For Life Bush isn’t going to listen to us little people. We don’t really matter. All that matters is his fucking wallet. Oh, and his drinking buddies. Can’t forget them.

But as pessimistic as I am about the fight, I can’t give up. I have to keep going no matter what. WE have to keep going. And the more of us that join up, the better our chances will actually be. The whole damn country is really behind us, they’re just too scared to do anything. They’re scared that they’ll be called unpatriotic. (The horror! The horror!) They’re scared that the government will read their e-mail (which is entirely too possible these days) and come to their houses to arrest them. They’re scared that they’ll be shot for fucking treason!

Fuck that! We’re not committing treason. We’re trying to take the country back from the treasonous assholes who took it from us. And that’s really what’s happened, ladies and gentlemen. We have been victims of treason. Our own government has betrayed us. They have taken our ideals away from us. They are taking our freedoms away from us. They are taking our lives away from us.

We have to make sure that, when the next election comes around, we make our votes count. Because, dammit, we can’t live like this anymore. We can’t live in fear with no hope of ever getting out of debt. We can’t have this headline upon us:

NYT January 27th, 2053: “The brain of President For Life George W. Bush declared war on bees today saying that a bee once stung his “daddy.” Tears welled up in the eye floating in his jar and he left the lectern saying that he couldn’t go on. This is the 1,056th war that Bush has declared. The only one that has been successful is the infamous War On Pretzels of 2038.”

I hope for the day when we can all sing out this headline:

NYT December 25th, 2002: “War is over (if you want it)”

I hope so, John, but I’m not too optimistic.

Have a great Christmas and a better New Year. Keep the peace alive.