Hulk

I know, the quote is a cliché, but it’s all that I can think of. Bad sign. But before I get to that, HULK PREVIEW!! SWAT–I’ve seen a preview for this one before, but this one was longer. Still not all that impressive, but because it has Sam Jackson in it I’ll at least rent it. The storyline (ex SWAT member goes bad and tries to help break a drug kingpin out of jail for a $100,000 reward) is kind of hackneyed, but still sort of interesting. (I like the reward wrinkle. You know every bad guy in the LA (?) area is after that one.) And it’s co-written by George Huang who hasn’t done a full-fledged theatrical feature since 1997′s Trojan War. Yeah, not so great, but the one before that (Swimming With Sharks) is a classic.

Draw back? “From the producers of Fast And The Furious and XXX.” That’s almost enough to keep me out.

PETER PAN–Yeah, it’s a kids’ story. Yeah, it’s a very OLD story. Yeah, it most recently had a bad Spielberg movie based on it. (Hey, I liked Hook!) But this one looks different. It looks dark and a little bit twisted. AND it has Jason Isaacs playing Capt. Hook! How cool is that?

I love the story of Peter Pan (mainly because I wish I could not grow up and have cool adventures with swords) and this one looks pretty damn cool. I’m up for it.

CAT IN THE HAT–Unlike this one. You know, Mike Myers has always been pretty picky about his projects. What’s the deal with this one? The Grinch sucked and this looks no different. Maybe I’ll give it a try because I love Mike so much, but I’m not too happy about it.

Although that final joke of the preview is kinda funny.

Now, True Believers, it’s time for the latest edition of The Hulk!!

When we first saw the Hulk during the Superbowl, he looked basically like a big green blob running through the dunes of the Western US. He looked pretty damn bad.

Fast forward to this summer when the final previews came out. Sure, the Green Guy still didn’t look like he was living, breathing flesh and blood, but he looked a hell of a lot better than he did before. Even in the broad daylight.

Then the backlash started. Out of four of my friends who have seen the movie, one loved it, one absolutely hated it and warned everyone away from it, and the other two were pretty indifferent. Out of three professional reviews I read, one thought it was pretty bad and the other two gave it pretty great reviews.

Who to believe? Who to believe?

How about who I usually believe: myself.

Before I get to my assessment, though, let’s go over the story a little bit.

Bruce Banner (Eric “Chopper” Bana) is a scientist who has a dark past that he knows nothing about. He was adopted at the age of four and has no memory of his biological parents except for what he was told: they’re dead.

Bruce and his crack team (including ex-girlfriend, Betty Ross (Jennifer “Too Beautiful For You” Connelly)) are working on using gamma rays to help people heal faster. So far they’ve failed pretty miserably.

This is about when things start to go horribly wrong. The first Dr. Banner (Nick “Mugshot” Nolte) re-enters Bruce’s life. (In homage to the tv show, his first name in David.) Back in the 60s, David had injected himself with his own experiment that Betty’s dad, General Thunderbolt Ross (Sam “Bushy Face” Elliott–don’t ever shave that mustache again, Sam), had stopped him from giving to any human. And guess what! It was the same experiment that Bruce and Betty were working on!! Coincidence? Read the book.

Now Bruce is starting to feel the effects of his father’s genetics. And, after saving a co-worker from getting hit by the gammas, the DNA is attacking.

And you wouldn’t like it when it attacks.

Oh, there’s another guy after the Big Guy, too. Talbot (Josh “Who The Hell Am I?” Lucas) is trying to get Bruce’s DNA so that he can create a group of fighting elite who never get hurt. He’s also vying for Betty’s affections. Too bad for him.

So what it boils down to is the fact that everyone is after King Kong…er, The Hulk and the only person who can calm him down is Betty.

So, did I like? Or did I hate?

For the most part I liked. (Sorry Jon.) But there were problems.

What did I like?

1. Sam Elliott–I don’t know much about the comic books. Actually what I do know is pretty much from the rather dull 70s tv show that I don’t remember too much about except Bill Bixby hulking out into Lou Ferrigno. (Who has a cameo along with Stan Lee…who isn’t a hot dog vendor this time!) But my buddy who hated, hated, hated this movie said that Sam was the best part of it. “He WAS Thunderbolt.” Personally, I thought that he could have been just about any general who was torn between family and duty. But it was Sam Elliott and he is always cool. His performance here is no different. Love that guy.

2. Nick Nolte–Say what you will about the guy, but he is able to give some pretty amazing performances. And being completely insane doesn’t hurt, either. He is able to spit out some pretty contrived lines this time out (especially during his final speech to his son) and almost make them seem worthwhile.

3. Jennifer Connelly–I just like looking at her.

4. The storyline–I loved that we got so much of his backstory and that it wasn’t all spelled out for us right up front. We weren’t sure exactly what happened when his mom and dad went into that bedroom until near the end. Yes, it made the movie a little too long (2 hrs. 12 minutes!!), but we have never gotten this much of an origin story for any of the Marvel characters. Not even Spider-Man, really. We didn’t watch him grow up.

5. The action scenes–The Hulk is a big, clumsy oaf. He’s learning how to walk with these freakin’ huge legs and bumps into shit all the time. He’s not graceful. This movie finally shows that. He trips. He falls. He misses when he throws punches. He’s not a well-oiled fighting machine. Sure, he still looks pretty much like a computer-generated green elf, but he also looks like a computer-generated green elf who could destroy the fucking world. And that first fight scene with the hulked out dogs was pretty damn cool.

Although I can’t say that I’m all for the destruction of pieces of the Grand Canyon for a movie. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

6. The end–The Hulk is NOT a superhero. He is a tragic figure. When Bruce Banner turns into Big Greenie, he can no longer control himself. He wants to smash shit and he wants to enjoy it. He can’t enjoy it because he’s one big ball of rage, but he truly wants to. (Even Bruce himself says that while he’s doing it he likes it.) The end of the movie brings him full circle with his father in a final confrontation that, well, I won’t give anything away. I hadn’t heard anything about it, so it was a complete surprise to me. But we all knew that he had to confront his demons. And that he does.

7. The editing–Watching this movie was like watching a comic book. (Especially the demise of one character.) There were interesting wipes, split-screens, images within images, weird dissolves…all of it making for one long comic book adventure. Loved it. It calmed down a little towards the end (or did I just get used to it), but the beginning is a little jarring at first.

8. The music–Danny Elfman was born to do comic book movie scores. As far as I’m concerned, he’s never done a bad one. 9. The image of the President–Gen. Ross calls the President to get permission to use whatever is necessary to take down the Hulk. Where is he? On vacation. He’s fishing. And, of course, he gives the go ahead…no questions asked. Even after the third person on the line (the defense secretary?) asks if Ross expects civilian casualties. Go fuckin’ figure.

What did I not like?

1. The script–Pretty clunky. Especially the scenes between Bruce and Betty. They really tried to wring every bit of tragedy out of that relationship, not to mention constantly bringing up his emotional deadness. Which brings us to…

2. Eric Bana–And this is really too bad, because supposedly he’s a very good actor. Everyone talks about how great he was in Chopper (which I haven’t seen yet) and Black Hawk Down (which I HAVE seen, but I didn’t know who the hell he was then, so he melted in with the rest of the jarheads). But he was basically a stick of wood in this one. Yeah, Bruce Banner is supposed to be emotionally discharged, but he’s not supposed to be dead.

3. Jennifer Connelly–I know she can do better than this. But, then again, she wasn’t given much to do except look on lovingly and make snide comments about Bruce when talking about their lack of a relationship.

4. The end–While I liked the father-son confrontation, I didn’t like the script at this point and the whole thing just ended up kind of confused. I seriously have no clue what happened at the end and I’m not so sure that the filmmakers did, either.

5. Only bad guys kill?–When the Hulk throws a tank, everyone dies inside, right? There’s no way that they would survive that. But wait! Someone is crawling out of it!! And he’s standing up to watch the Hulk bounce away! What the fuck?! That guy’s deader than Freddie Prinz, Jr.’s eyes. They also made sure that we knew that the guys in one helicopter that he swatted out of the sky were ok. But David Banner can kill people. That’s fine. And the Hulk can kill bad guys, but not military guys “just doing their jobs.”

Personally, I think Ang Lee and company did an alright job with this one. It ain’t no Spider-Man or X-Men (1 or X2), but it ain’t no Daredevil, either. And, really, I don’t think it was meant to be any of those. Lee saw it as a tragedy and he filmed it as such. And, for the most part, it worked. If only he had had a better script to work with, I think everything else would have fallen into place.

My buddy who hated it said that Ang and the writers had fucked up any chance we had of every seeing a decent Hulk movie. I don’t think that’s true. Even if you didn’t like this one, I think that if they build on the foundation that this one laid, the next one could be great.