Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Yargh! Here there be Disney pirates!…sort of. But first, some previews

INVINCIBLE–Or, as I like to call it, Rock Star: The Football Years. Sigh. When is Mark Wahlberg going to learn? This looks like more of the same from him. Probably better than Rock Star (hell, what isn’t better than that bullshit?), but still not so good. He should go back to Cock Star, er, Boogie Nights.

TRANSFORMERS–Ok, so it’s just a teaser. And they’ve screwed up the back story a bit. (It now looks like the Transformers are attacking Earth…or something. Not too clear.) And it’s directed by Michael Bay…ok, that’s the REAL problem I have. It’s probably going to suck pretty hardcore, but I’m there. Dammit.

DEJA VU–I really have no idea what this movie is about. Something about Denzel playing a cop who is trying to stop a murder that already happened…maybe. And he’s suffering from the titular Matrix artifact. I dunno. But if Denzel and Tony Scott are there, I’m all for it.

Ok, me mateys. It’s time to move on to something a bit darker.

When we last left our Pirate friends, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) were finally able to proclaim their love for each other while Norrington (Jack Davenport) was letting freakish pirate Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) have a day’s head start.

We open this movie a little while later and Elizabeth is sitting alone in the rain at her wedding. Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander) and the India Trading Company have taken it upon themselves to ruin Elizabeth’s life. They arrest her and Will and are looking for Jack and Norrington to arrest them. All of them are to be put to death. Governor Swann (Johnathan Pryce) is no use. He is threatened to not interfere.

A deal can be made, though. If Will can find Jack, they can all go free.

But Jack has his own problems. William Turner (Stellan Skarsgard) came to him in the night to tell him that Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) is looking for him. (For those keeping up, yes, William is Will’s dead dad.) Jack owes Davy his soul and it’s time to pay up.

When Elizabeth escapes from her prison, things get even more complicated.

There’s a LOT going on in this movie. Not only is it pretty much wall to wall action, but the story is pretty damn dense. And it’s dark, dark, dark. I’m not just talking about the fact that they’re fighting for their eternal souls, but the movie ends in the worst possible place for everybody. But remember, this is the middle chapter of a story. Like Empire Strikes Back, this chapter ends with everyone in complete disarray.

And, as messy as the movie is, I loved every minute of it.

The best part of it was The Flying Dutchman. Davy Jones’ ship and crew was amazing. They’re a weird conglomeration of sea creatures and humans that are completely disgusting, but beautiful to look at all at the same time. Just slimy as hell and amazing. It was a lot of fun to look at the background while Davy and one of his crew were talking. The walls were breathing. The crew’s faces were becoming more barnacled and shelled. I don’t know if all of these guys were all CGI or if they were on set at all, but whatever they were was perfect.

And Bill Nighy was awesome as Davy. He was menacing as hell and never clumsy or stupid like some nemeses can be. (Hell, even Geoffrey Rush was a little clumsy in the last one. It totally fit the character, but he wasn’t nearly as menacing Davy.)

The only problem with Davy Jones was the fact that, when someone asked “What do you know about Davy Jones?” all I could think of was, “Well, he’s a daydream believer.”

While Jack still takes over the whole story just because he’s such an awesome character, Will and Elizabeth are more of the story this time. In fact, they actually seem to have a bearing on things this time! And Orlando and Keira are more comfortable in their roles.

Speaking of Keira, she looks like she’s filled out a bit this time out. She looked REALLY good. I’m not sure why people are saying she’s anorexic now. She actually looks like she’s eaten a couple of burgers. Good for her!

Not only are Keira and Orlando more comfortable, but they’re better with their weapons! Orlando gets to show off his swordsmanship constantly this time out and Keira actually gets to throw a sword around a bit. There are at least two Erroll Flynn references involving Will and the Fight Of The Hamster Wheel is freakin’ amazing!

Johnny Depp, of course, is amazing once again. I think he’s probably not quite so weird this time out, but that’s ok. It may just be because I’m used to him now. He’s still as ambiguous as ever. You never really know if Elizabeth and Will can trust him. Maybe that’s why these movies are so popular: we’re ready for a completely ambiguous anti-hero. I can’t wait to see him with Keith Richards in the next one! And what can be wrong with a movie that’s made by a giant corporation that says that giant corporations are evil?

There is a little joke after the credits, but the big reveal is just before the credits. The post-credit joke is kinda worthless.

If you’re a fan at all of the first one, you definitely need to see this one. I have a feeling that the third one is going to be pretty kick ass. And, even if this one is messy and a little over full, it’s still a LOT of fun. Just don’t expect it to have a real ending. This is an ongoing story. It’s a cliffhanger. And I’m ok with that.

And pay attention to the Disney logo at the beginning. That’s three years of work on the screen there. Looks pretty damn cool, actually.

Now, when the hell is part 3 coming out?!?!