Yep! She's a host!

For my predictions for this year, click here.

This year I did something I’ve never done before. I took the plunge and went to the Alamo Drafthouse to watch the Oscars. A couple of friends of mine and I got a little bit dressed up (ok, one of us got VERY dressed up and looked pretty damn hot) and sat with the rest of the freaky film nerds. And, for the first time, I sat on the couches in the back. They’re fuckin’ awesome. Sooooooo comfy.

Owen (from the old Sinus Show) and his wife hosted and made some pretty funny comments throughout the night. (To Celine Dion: “Oh…..my GOD! She’s destroying the theatre using only her voice!”) They also gave away prizes to the best dressed (it was the Queen and the Last King of Scotland) and a guy who could recite every Best Picture winner in less than a minute. Craziness.

But the show is why we’re here. So let’s get on with it!

Yeah. So, Ellen was a really good host. Better than I thought she would be, anyway. She was funny, charming and good-humored all through the show. She was particularly funny when she went out into the audience to give Scorsese a script or have her picture taken with Clint Eastwood by Spielberg. And she corrected his framing!!

So, I would definitely hire her again.

I would NOT, however, hire the musical coordinator again. The dancing was stupid (except for the Snakes On A Plane bit…that was funny) and the singing was worse. Melissa Etheridge, who has always been a bit annoying, was even more annoying at the Oscars. James Taylor and Randy Newman? Never have two people been more poorly matched. And the Dreamgirls cast got old REAL quick. Basically, as soon as it became The Beyonce Show, it got annoying. Screw her. Jennifer Hudson is amazing and she’s not. That’s all there is to it.

And Celine Dion? Singing a new Ennio Morricone song?! BLASPHEMERS!!!! It was terrible and Ennio looked kinda bored throughout. His wife was eating it up, though.

But Ennio did finally win an Oscar, even if it was the mandatory Thalberg award. What a weird part of the ceremony THAT was. With Clint losing his lines and Ennio speaking only Italian (and the audience looking confused but almost worshipful–if they knew anything about film music, anyway), I wasn’t sure who was talking half the time. Very nice, though. I love Ennio. He’s amazing.

So, how ’bout those winner, huh?

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM :

West Bank Story

Wow. A musical about the Gaza Strip conflict won. That’s weird. I actually really want to see this now. Could be awesome. But, alas, there’s no way to ever see these. And that sucks. Maybe youtube? But most filmmakers don’t put them on websites until they’ve done the festival circuit. By then, it’s too late because everyone’s forgotten about them.

Too bad. Maybe it’ll show up on the director’s future feature length project….if he ever gets one.

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM :

The Danish Poet

Yeah. Again, I got nothin’. I expected a different one to win, but I think I always get these wrong. Oh well. Moving on.

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT :

The Blood Of Yingzhou District

I got this one right in my predictions, but forgot what the hell is was about by the time the actual show came around. TOTALLY got it wrong. Suck.

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE :

An Inconvenient Truth

This one I got right, but how could you miss? It’s an amazing film about an important subject. And when Al Gore accepted the award, it was like he was the President. (By the way, loved the bit with him an Leo DiCaprio. Classic.)

BEST FOREIGN FILM :

The Lives Of Others (Germany)

Wait…what? I heard this was really good, but was it better than Pan’s Labyrinth? I doubt it. It certainly couldn’t have been harder to make.

Oh well. Can’t win ‘em all. But, for a while, it looked like Pan’s would.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE :

Happy Feet

In retrospect, this wasn’t too surprising considering all of the backlash this movie was getting for being a “liberal mouthpiece.” Whatever. It’s fucking penguins. Of course it won. If one of the other documentaries had been about penguins it would have been Inconvenient Truth.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS :

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest – John Knoll, Hal T. Hickel, Charles Gibson and Allen Hall

Ok, the effects were amazing in this one. It’s true. But I really wanted fuckin’ Superman to win SOMETHING! I guess the better effects won, though. Blah, blah, blah.

BEST SOUND EDITING :

Letters From Iwo Jima – Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman

War film won. Of course. Let’s move on.

BEST SOUND :

Dreamgirls – Michael Minkler, Bob Beemer and Willie D. Burton

Musical won. Of course. Let’s move on.

BEST MAKEUP :

Pan’s Labyrinth – David Marti and Montse Ribe

Ok, here we go. THIS is a totally deserving film for this award. I have no problem with this whatsoever. The makeup was fucking amazing. If only for the Pale Man. Creepiest…vagina creature…..ever.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG :

An Inconvenient Truth – Melissa Etheridge (“I Need To Wake Up”)

Whatever. This song pretty much blew, but so did all of the others. Even Randy Newman’s song was kinda blah. But, if any of them should have won, it was one of the Dreamgirls songs. At least they had a LITTLE life in them. Although, I couldn’t tell you how any of them went. This is the first one on the list that I TOTALLY don’t agree with. Love the movie. Annoyed with the song.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE :

Babel – Gustavo Santaolalla

Don’t remember the score, but I’m sure it was fine. I heard, though, that the score for The Queen was full of commentary for each character for each time in their life. I guess I’ll find out when I finally see the damn movie.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN :

Marie Antoinette – Milena Canonero

I guess they had to go with the girl with pedigree here. No one liked Marie Antoinette, but a Coppola directed it, so SOMETHING must have been good about it.

Loved the presenters on this one. Not only are Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt really cute, but they’re funny. And so was Meryl Streep’s reaction. Another classic moment in Oscar history with three beautiful women slipping back into character for the sake of presentation.

BEST ART DIRECTION :

Pan’s Labyrinth – Eugenio Caballero and Pilar Revuelta

Was there any doubt? Pan HAD to win. There was no competition.

BEST EDITING :

The Departed – Thelma Schoonmaker

And, for Most Interesting Editing Of The Year!

I agree on this one, too. Thelma has been doing great work for Marty for years and this is the height of their collaboration. Loved it and I’m glad for her.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY :

Pan’s Labyrinth – Guillermo Navarro

All Guillermos get awards!

I didn’t pick it, but I’ll go with it. This was a beautiful movie and deserves its award. Children Of Men, I think, was the better choice, but I’ll let Pan get any award it can.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:

The Departed – William Monahan

Love The Departed. No doubt there and I’m not surprised by its win here. But I think the more gutsy choice would have been Children Of Men. It needed to win something, dammit!

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY :

Little Miss Sunshine – Michael Arndt

This was actually a surprise. I thought that The Queen would probably take it, but I think Little Miss Sunshine was awesome, so I’m happy for Michael. Although, I would have given it to Pan just for sheer audacity to have a fairy tale end the way it does. Perfect. But perfection doesn’t buy Oscars. Quirkiness sometimes does. (How I do hate that word.)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS :

Dreamgirls – Jennifer Hudson

This surprised me less than most people. Jennifer was amazing and I think the Academy was sorry for her losing “American Fuckwit.” I hate to give credit to anyone who comes from that stupid show, but she is awesome. Good on you, Jen.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR :

Little Miss Sunshine – Alan Arkin

Yay, Alan!! Third time’s a charm for the ol’ funnydude. I’ve always loved Alan Arkin and it’s good to see him win an Oscar. I would have LOVED to see Eddie Murphy win, but I knew he wouldn’t. Too bad. I would have loved to have heard his speech. “Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. And fuck you. Who’s next?”

But I still think that Jackie Earl Haley should have won. He was fucking amazing. Alan was great, but Jackie took it to another level. Better luck next time, Jackie. Keep playing creepazoids and you’ll get it.

BEST ACTRESS :

The Queen – Helen Mirren

No surprise there. If anyone ever bets against Helen Mirren, they’re idiots.

And, yes: for a 60 year old woman, Helen is pretty hot. Will Ferrell, Jack Black and John C. Reilly are right. (Loved the song, by the way. Fuckin’ awesome.)

BEST ACTOR :

The Last King Of Scotland – Forest Whitaker

Again, no surprise here. I would love to see Peter O’Toole win, but Forest was fuckin’ amazing. There was nothing wrong with that performance and he deserves this award. Good for him.

BEST DIRECTOR :

The Departed – Martin Scorsese

FUCKIN’ ABOUT TIME!!!! Scorsese deserved this years ago for Raging Bull and Goodfellas. But the Academy has FINALLY decided that he’s amazing. Thank you, Marty, for 40 years of great filmmaking. Here’s your little gold guy. No longer are you the Hitchcock of the modern day.

And we should have all known that he was going to win just from the presenters: Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg. Three of the pillars of 1970’s cinema. Who was the fourth? Martin Scorsese. (DePalma could also be put in there, but he’s not as well known for some reason. Arguably, Hal Ashby is yet another one, but he’s dead and didn’t make nearly as many movies as these guys.)

BEST PICTURE :

The Departed

Yay!! I completely and whole-heartedly agree. I love this movie and, out of the five, it was the best movie. Even though I haven’t seen The Queen or Letters From Iwo Jima, I know this is better. I think that only Children Of Men could give The Departed a run for its money.

So there you have it. After 150 hours, we found out who made the best movie and who put in the best performance. Of course, it’s all objective, so the awards are all bullshit. Love the movies you love and move on.

And now, on with the movies.