SXSW07–Them (Ils)/I'm A Cyborg, But That's OK/What Would Jesus Buy?/The Stooges

THEM (ILS)

If you hear weird noises around your house, call the cops. That’s all I’m saying. After this movie, if you hear noises outside, call the cops NOW!!!

Lucas (Michael Cohen) and Clementine (Olivia Bonamy) are a young couple who just bought a real fixer-upper just outside of a small French town. It’s really buried out there in the woods. So no one can hear them scream.

One night they start to hear strange clicking noises and scratching around their house. Then, whatever it is that is surrounding them gets in the house. That’s when all hell starts to break loose.

Writer/directors David Moreau and Xavier Palud (who are in the process of remaking The Eye) have crafted a VERY intense horror flick with no extra time used on anything unimportant. You get to know the two main characters well enough to understand their plight and then we’re put right into the action. There’s a secret to the movie that I figured out pretty early on, but it didn’t detract from my enjoyment of the movie. Check it out. I’m sure it’ll at least be on video.

I’M A CYBORG, BUT THAT’S OK

Chan Wook-Park is fast becoming everybody’s favorite Asian director these days. After Oldboy, everyone fell in love with the guy. I thought Lady Vengeance was a bit too long and confusing, but other people seemed to love it. And his part of Three…Extremes was fun even if it didn’t make a lot of sense.

So I was very interested to see how this one would do since I was a little hit or miss with him. I knew I was up for liking him, but I had only seen one of his movies that I really loved.

Well, now I know I like him. I’m A Cyborg, But That’s OK is a very strange movie, but I liked it a lot.

It centers around Cha Young-goon (Lim Su-Jeong), a young woman whose grandmother thought she was a mouse and only ate radishes. Now she believes that she’s a cyborg. That would be ok if it weren’t for the fact that she won’t eat because she thinks that it will gum up her inner workings.

Luckily, she has Park Il-sun (hugely successful (in Korea) singer, Rain) to look after her. The two of them are in an asylum together and have to navigate the doctors and the other inmates in order to keep their wits about them.

All of the characters in this movie are awesome. They’re all crazy (really, even the doctors), but endearing. And they make for some very funny background gags. Keep watching while the main characters are talking and you’ll just about always see someone way off somewhere doing something awesome.

It’s a little long at 100 minutes, but that didn’t keep me from loving it. It’s a sweet story of finding love among the insanity of an asylum. And it’s good to see our favorite Vengeance director branch out into weirdo comedy. It ain’t no Oldboy, but I liked it a lot better than Lady Vengeance.

WHAT WOULD JESUS BUY?

When you’re shopping for gifts over the holiday season, do you ever stop to wonder, “Would Jesus want me to buy this?”

Yeah. Me, neither.

How about, “Where did this toy come from? Who made it? Where does the money go when I spend it? Does it go into some corporate asshole’s pocket? Or does it go back into my community?”

Yeah. Me, neither. But I’m more likely to think that one than the first one.

Let me give you a bit of background on me before we go into this review. I almost think it’s important.

I like Christmas shopping. I know I’m one of the few, but I think it’s kind of fun to buy things for people. I also try my best to shop locally all the time. I hate the fact that my town is being overrun by big box stores that take all of the personality out of it.

On the other hand, Best Buy loves the shit out of me. I can’t resist cheap media. So, yes. I shop me some Best Buy.

The whole point of this movie is to make us think about what we’re buying and who we’re buying it from. And the main subject, Reverend Billy, is going to make you think about it whether you like it or not. If you ever run into him and his Church Of Stop Shopping Choir, you will know that you’ve been Billy-ized. And, most likely, he will be arrested and taken away.

Billy is the head of a comedy troupe that decided to take up a serious message. They want us to buy locally and stop being such consumer whores. They do this by singing funny songs about what happens when you buy those Nike shoes that were made by little kids in Sri Lanka whose knees were broken when they tried to unionize. They sing about the evils of Wal-Mart and how they destroy small towns. They sing about how Christmas has lost its meaning and picked up a whole new one: buy buy buy!!!

Director Ron Van Alkemade and his guardian angel, Morgan Spurlock (SuperSize Me) have managed to make an awesome documentary that is about one man, but it’s also about a whole country. It shows us just how much consumerism has taken us over and how commercialization has become our new god.

One guy in the audience felt that it was parodying the problem with Reverend Billy’s out-sized personality. I think that his comedy helped the bitter pill of our problems go down a little easier. Laughter is the best way to get things across and I think that this will help at least a little bit.

Every American should see this movie. It doesn’t just show statistics and say, “This is why we should be this way.” It shows what happens to the little guy when Wal-Mart comes to town. It shows how Best Buy is helping to destroy the true idea of America.

But I will say this: I don’t agree with what he said after the movie about Whole Foods being “not alright.” They do a lot for the communities that they are in. It’s corporate policy to buy locally. They give leftover food to homeless shelters and what they can’t give away they compost. They treat their employees really well. Yes, they are expensive, but that’s because they are charged a lot for their products.

Besides, they’re an Austin-based company, so any money I personally spend there goes back to my community. It’s hard to fault me for shopping there.

Moving on.

THE STOOGES

Iggy Pop has been a staple of punk since his first album with The Stooges back in 1969. Sure, he’s gone a bit disco (“Nightclubbing”) and pop (“Candy”), but he’s always managed to remain interesting.

Now he’s back with his old band for the first time in over 30 years. Their new album, The Weirdness, is pretty good. Sure, it ain’t no Fun House, but it’s fun and rockin’.

When I heard that they were playing SXSW, I knew that I had to check it out.

Stubbs was not nearly as packed as I thought it would be for such a legendary band. I mean, this is Iggy Fuckin’ Pop!! Well, whatever. I was here for them and there were quite a few people there. It’s not like it was empty.

They opened with a song that I didn’t know (sorry, I don’t know their three original albums backwards and forwards), but it was awesome. Then they went into the one that I think all of us were waiting for, “I Wanna Be Your Dog.” I was surprised that it was the second number. I thought for sure that they would wait until near the end.

More classics and then a whole section of new songs that sounded even better on stage than they do on disc. Awesome.

The encore was “No Fun” and Iggy got about half the audience up on stage with him to dance. One guy decided to be just like Iggy. He took his shirt off, pulled his pants FAR too low and started jumping around on stage. Between him and Iggy, there was way too much near dick action up there. Time to pull ‘em up, guys.

Well, whatever. Iggy still has it and so do the Asheton boys. They rocked harder than most of the other kids who were playing the festival. The only problem that I had with the set was that it was WAY too short. 45 minutes? Come on, guys! I know you’ve got more material. And it was only 1:15 when they went offstage!

But it was a great night even if Iggy wasn’t so into cutting himself anymore.

And so ends SXSW 2007, not with a whisper, but with the bangs of three titans (and a replacement). It was a good year even if there wasn’t as much that appealed to me initially. There were a LOT of horror movies (AWESOME!!) that I didn’t get to see (SUCK!!!) and a lot of other good flicks that I did get to see.

See you next year!