The Machine Girl (2008)

Directed by: Noboru Iguchi
Written by: Noboru Iguchi

There are movies that make you think. There are movies that make you cry. There are even movies that make you wonder what life is all about.

The Machine Girl is none of those. The Machine Girl is the kind of movie that makes you laugh, shudder and nearly puke because of all the gore and just sheer craziness.

Ami (Asami) is a normal school girl. She’s a bit better at sports than the other girls, but she’s normal in every other way. She even has a younger brother to torment and take care of.

When she fails to protect him one day, he is “bullied to death” by a local Yakuza’s son. Ami vows revenge. She gets some unlikely help from the parents of the boy who was killed with her brother. Unlikely because they think (just like everyone else) that Ami’s dead parents were murderers.

This all sounds like a pretty intense Yakuza drama. But when Ami’s arm gets deep fried in tempura batter, you know that things aren’t going to pan out like you think. When she gets the machine gun arm, you know exactly how it’s going to pan out.

There’s something really special about a movie like this. A movie that revels in the disgusting, bloody violence that only a true genre fan can love. It’s the kind of thing that Takashi Miike used to be really good at.

Actually, I take that back. This is nothing like what Miike used to do. This is even more over the top. Not quite as surreal, but more over the top. There are geysers of blood shooting out from stumps of heads, bloody skeletons dancing in a rain of bullets and, of course, a chainsaw.

And when the Super Mourner Gang shows up, you know that you’re watching something that you’ll be telling the grandkids about.

Surprisingly enough, the story is actually decent. I kind of cared about the good guys. And the bad guys were really hateable. (That’s not THAT hard, though.) When Ami’s brother was killed it was actually kind of an emotional moment, which is something movies like this usually can’t pull off.

I had a chance to see this movie in the theatre before it came out on video and, unfortunately, missed it. I’m kind of pissed at myself for that now. While I can’t defend this movie as being a great piece of cinema, but can certainly defend it as being a really fun night with the guys watching a hot Asian schoolgirl get douched in blood. In that respect, it’s fucking amazing.

Rent it today.