Fantastic Fest 08–Fighter/Not Quite Hollywood/Tokyo!/Short Fuse Shorts
“Do you just want to open some presents?” “NO! It’s Christmas and I just wanna fuck!”
I have never seen so many small children brutally murdered before I came to this festival. And castrations. Lots of castrations.
Let’s start with something a bit more gentle, though.
FIGHTER (2007)
Directed by: Natasha Arthy
Written by: Natasha Arthy/Nikolaj Arcel/Rasmus Heisterberg
We all know the China is the main exporter of great Martial Arts films. That’s a given. Japan is probably a close second with America being, strangely, a very close third.
It’s when every other country in the world gets into the action that things get very interesting. We’ve already seen what Chile can do with the genre with Kiltro and Mirageman. Now we get to see what the Danes are up to.
Aicha (Semra Turan) is a Turkish Muslim in Denmark who wants nothing more than to be a great Martial Artist. Her family, of course, wants her to be a doctor and marry a nice Muslim boy. Her brother is already engaged to a good family and they see their little girl marrying the fiancee’s creepy brother.
If there’s one lesson that all parents need to learn it’s the forbidding their kid from doing something will NEVER stop them from doing it. So she keeps going to the dojo and keeps learning, getting better and better. She also starts to think that maybe she’s falling in love with her sparing partner, Emil (Cyron Bjorn Melville).
Of course, nothing goes well for Aicha. But we all saw that coming, didn’t we?
Even though we’ve seen all of this before (and not always in Martial Arts films…this movie is being called Bend It Like Bruce Lee), director Natasha Arthy and co-writers Nikolaj Arcel and Rasmus Heisterberg have found a way to keep the story fresh and keep our asses in the seats.
First off, the characters are great. Aicha is a stressed out girl who is torn between pleasing herself and pleasing her family.
They also made sure to make the action really cool. Not only is everyone involved very good at what they are doing (Zian Gao, who plays the instructor and choreographed the fight scenes, did most of the training for Crouching Tiger), but the visual style is pretty striking. Good use of slow motion and semi-Matrix style action.
I really liked this movie a lot and hope that it finds an audience. It should, even though it’s target audience may not want to sit through a subtitled movie.
One question, though: Do all Martial Arts championships take place in dungeons?
My main quibble with the movie is the portrayal of the dad. I know that this is pretty realistic, but DAMN, is he an unremitting asshole! He nearly disowns his daughter for learning Martial Arts. Even after she saves the day, he tells her that she is a disgrace. “Who would want to marry you?”
I understand that this sort of thing is part of the Muslim culture. And I have a lot of respect for other cultures. But that particular part is just pretty abhorrent. When you tell your own daughter that she is a disgrace because she does something a bit more manly than you’re ready for a girl to do…well, fuck you. Times have changed, my friend. No one looks down upon girls in Martial Arts classes but you. No one thinks that they are sluts but you. So, fuck off. I had no sympathy for dad or the fiancee’s brother. They were assholes and they never really changed.
Moving on.
Directed by: Mark Hartley
Written by: Mark Hartley
I’ve always been a fan of Australian films, but I never really knew the extent of those films. I love Peter Weir and George Miller and I think that Phillip Noyce has done some very good work lately.
But I never realized all of the absolute exploitation that was out there. Nor did I realize just how fucking crazy all of those movie really were.
Let’s take a movie called Turkey Shoot for instance. This is a movie about a prison in the future where the prisoners (especially the women) are severely beaten until they are almost dead. Then they are forced to play deadly games with each other…games like Turkey Shoot.
There’s also a movie called Alvin Purple that is basically about a young man who has sex with women all the time. Most of them come onto him when he doesn’t want them to.
And we all know about Mad Max and Road Warrior.
Mark Hartley is pretty much the expert on Ozploitation. He has made a movie (and written a book) that follows the entire film history of Australian, from the late 60s when they finally got an industry to today. He interviews stars, directors, producers and fans…including Quentin Tarantino, who used bits and pieces of Ozploitation films in Kill Bill. He pretty much goes on and on about how Brian Trenchard-Smith is a god. He dedicated Kill Bill to him at the Australian premiere just to piss of critics who hate him.
The kinetic style of the documentary goes right along with the subject and definitely made me want to check out every Aussie film ever made. There was more action, blood, chunder and boobs in the movie than probably all of the other films at the festival put together. It was pretty amazing.
From there to a bunch of quiet shorts.
Directed by: Virginie Gourmel
Written by: Micha Wald
A young, depressed man hires a hitman to kill him because he doesn’t have the guts to kill himself. But in his last day of life he finds the will to live.
Why did he want to kill himself? Because he has antlers and the face of a deer.
We’ve seen all of this before, just without the stag face. There’s absolutely nothing new and it goes on for a little too long. There are some pretty good jokes in it, though and the end is better than most. I give it a passing grade.
Directed by: Joon-ho Bong/Leos Carax/Michel Gondry
Written by: Joon-ho Bong/Leos Carax/Michel Gondry
Based on graphic novel by: Gabrielle Bell (Gondry’s segment, Interior Design)
Heading up an anthology film of three rather long shorts with a long short is not really a good idea. By the time we actually got to Tokyo! I was nearly shorted out.
But persevere I did! And I’m all the better for it.
Tokyo! is a group of three shorts directed by directors who really have nothing to do with the city, but have a love for it anyway.
Michel Gondry (the main reason that I saw this film) brings us Interior Design. It’s the story of a Japanese couple who move to Tokyo so that the boy can show off his film and become a filmmaker. The girl doesn’t have much in the way of ambition.
They stay at a friend’s place until they have pretty much outstayed their welcome, losing their care in the process. That’s when the girl goes through some very strange changes.
As with all of Gondry’s movies, this one has a very surreal twist to a pretty normal story. It’s not his best, but I still liked it and it was nice to see him working with actors from a completely different culture. The Japanese have that surreal streak in them that suits Gondry fine.
Leos Carax directs Merde, a film about a strange creature that comes up from the sewers to wreak havoc on Tokyo. Why? Just because.
The scenes with the rather Leprechaun looking creature wreaking said havoc were great. The way he just sauntered awkwardly down the street in long tracking shots, knocking people over and pulling things out of their hands was hilarious.
Then, eventually, he was caught. And things slowed the fuck down. It’s really too bad. I could have watched a whole movie just about the creature. But when it was time for him to face trial, I became uninterested. And it was partly because his language had to be translated from French to Japanese and then into English via the eventual subtitles. I was tired of hearing the same line if 26 fucking languages. Then it got to the nearly incomprehensible ending.
Done.
Last, but most definitely not least, was Joon-ho Bong’s Shaking Tokyo. A man (Teruyuki Kagawa) is a kikiomori. That basically means that he is agoraphobic and a complete loner. He has not left his house or made eye contact with anyone for 10 years. When a young woman faints into his house while delivering a pizza (every Saturday is pizza day), his world changes.
This was the best of the three stories. It’s slow pace builds the loneliness and solitude that this man is feeling when the girl falls into his life. And it doesn’t hurt that Kagawa is a great actor who can do so much with so little dialogue or interaction with others.
Shaking Tokyo made the whole movie worth watching. Seek it out if only for that. But the Gondry film and the first half of the Carax film are worth seeing, too.
SHORT FUSE
This is the first time that Fantastic Fest has ever had a shorts program. And, let me tell you, if they keep being this gruesome, I might just have to keep going.
Directed by: Alberto Viavattene
Written by: Alberto Viavattene
A very short short about the production of a porn movie. The director is trying to get his lead actor pumped up for action. (No, not like that. With a pep talk, you pervs.)
Short enough to not wear out its welcome and a funny enough punchline to make us laugh and then forget that we ever saw it. Which is absolutely fine for a short.
Directed by: Jason Eisener
Written by: Rob Cotterill/Jason Eisener
The short that really showed us where these shorts were going and that no one was going to be afraid to kill kids in horribly nasty ways.
Brought to us by the deranged minds behind the Grindhouse trailer winner, Hobo With A Shotgun, this short shows us what really happens when we cut down Christmas trees…and how the trees plot their revenge.
Absolutely amazing in such a strange way. I was interested from beginning to end and, once that end started, I was glued to the grue. Yeah, low production values, but that made it even better. One of my favorites of the program.
BUTCHER’S HILL (2008, aka SWEET TOOTH)
Directed by: Rory Kindersley/Jason Noto
Written by: Rory Kindersley/Jason Noto
Based on book by:
And just to show that kids can sometimes be taken seriously, we get the story of a brother and sister who go looking for sweets and get a nasty surprise.
Higher production values and a serious tone really amp up the stress on this one. Good special effects and decent young actors help this one earn points.
Directed by: Fernando Urdapilleta
Written by: Fernando Urdapilleta
If Teeth had been made by a serious minded Troma, it would have been like this short. A young Mexican schoolgirl is taken from school by her pimp. She’s unwilling to do her job, but she knows that she doesn’t have a choice. When she drinks an old coke just to spite him (it’s a bit of a stretch), things get more…interesting.
The lead actor looks quite a bit older than her character, but she’s very good as the shy girl forced to hook herself out for a local gangster. And her change is completely believable. Not the greatest short, but totally worth seeing.
Directed by: Paul Campion
Written by: Paul Campion
Cheesy 50s style short about a scientist who fell in love with the wrong creature. Really nothing to it except naked chick in ok creature makeup. Not really all that great.
Directed by: Julien Zenier
Written by: Julien Zenier
A guy comes home, watches tv for a while, stands up, strips naked then films himself cutting off strips of his own skin.
No story at all. Just gore. That works for a short, I guess, but it’s REALLY hard to watch and I was over it within about three minutes. It went on for 11.
Directed by: Spencer Susser
Written by: Spencer Susser/David Michôd
Not great, but funny kiddie zombie movie. But it’s Australian, so the kids cuss like sailors and chop off arms and stuff. The kids are unlikeable, but I guess they’ve been through a lot. One of them (the nice, quiet one) is in love with the only girl in the group…who barely knows that he exists.
Some good gore and a couple of funny lines, but that’s about it, really.
Directed by: Matt O’Mahoney
Written by: Matt O’Mahoney
Probably the most disturbing of the shorts, which is really saying a LOT. A shy guy loses his dick when an epileptic hooker bites it off. A child molester is run down while on the run from the cops. A transplant ensues. But is there more transplanted than just the penis?
Lots and lots and lots of buildup to a horribly painful ending. Did it merit all of the 19 minutes? Meh. Maybe not. But that payoff is a doozie…and really fucking realistic. Yowza.
Directed by: Gurchetan Singh
Written by: Gurchetan Singh
A girl on a road trip to get back to her parents’ place. She gets spooked by a bunch of guys at a rest stop and thinks that everyone’s out to get her. When a crazy car pulls up behind her, things come to a head. She won’t be fucked with.
But are they fucking with her?
Not a bad little film and it has a good cringeworthy ending. But she was pretty paranoid. I guess I’m not a girl, so I don’t exactly know how realistic that was.
THE HORRIBLY SLOW MURDERER WITH THE EXTREMELY INEFFICIENT WEAPON (2008)
Directed by: Richard Gale
Written by: Richard Gale
Not only the best title of the festival, but the best short that I’ve seen. It’s a trailer for a film about a man who is relentlessly chased by an entity who is out to kill him. But, while most murders are short and quick, this one will take years. Killing someone with a spoon just doesn’t work like a knife or a gun.
It’s a one note joke, but it’s a damn funny one. And they find ways to make it funny again and again…and again…and again. I loved it.
After the shorts, I went to the Fantastic Feud/Karaoke Party where I learned that I REALLY FUCKING HATE ABBA! How were they ever popular?! I guess no one really listened to the lyrics at all. They were bloody awful. Comparing a relationship to Waterloo is NOT good. Not even in a campy way.
The Feud itself was fun, just like last year. Especially as the participants (and Tim League) got more and more inebriated. The questions, though, weren’t as fun. Scott Weinberg polled a bunch of critics and filmmakers around the world (“with my pole”) about their opinions of horror films. Who is the coolest horror actor? What is the best horror remake? Stuff like that. Screw that. Sure, it’s more like Family Feud, but it’s not as interesting as finding out that there is someone out there who could actually name all of the directors of the Friday the 13th, Nightmare Of Elm Street and Halloween series.
I’ll still go to it next year, though. Pretty awesome.
