Fantastic Fest 2009–District 13: Ultimatum (2009)/Universal Soldier: A New Beginning (2009)/Daybreakers (2009)
“Life’s a bitch and then you don’t die.”
MINT IN BOX (2009)
A young man is on a date. She makes her way into his apartment and sees his shrine to Star Wars. He proceeds to prove that he doesn’t really care about them by destroying them one by one.
You know, it was kinda funny and uncomfortable, but I don’t really know if I can condone the destruction of stuff that is a) fun and b) worth money. The director said that it wasn’t worth much, but I’m not so sure about that.
Directed by: Patrick Alessandrin
Written by: Luc Besson
A couple of years ago, Fantastic Fest brought us District 13. It wasn’t an amazing action film, but it was a lot of fun and had some pretty charismatic leads. The action, mostly parkour with martial arts to do the actual hitting and beating and stuff, was pretty exciting.
This year, the same leads (David Belle, co-creator of parkour, and French martial artist Cyril Rafelli) are back to save the part of Paris that everyone thinks isn’t worth saving. This time out, though, there’s a government conspiracy to destroy District 13 to bring in a company called Harriburton (ha ha) to rebuild.
Belle and Rafelli can’t abide. Chaos ensues.
This movie is increasingly silly, but a lot of fun. If you liked the first one, you’ll probably like this one. Just PLEASE don’t think about it too much. If you do, you’ll notice that none of the soldiers at the end who are protecting the president have any guns.
UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: A NEW BEGINNING (2010)
Directed by: John Hyams
Written by: Victor Ostrovsky
Based on characters by: Richard Rothstein/Christopher Leitch/Dean Devlin
Universal Fucking Soldier? Seriously? You’re kidding, right?
Nope. Dolph Lundgren was NOT kidding when he announced the title of the last secret screening. We were about to watch a sequel to a movie that no one really liked in the first place.
Now, I’ve never seen the first Universal Soldier. I’m not a Jean-Claude Van Damme fan, so why would I watch that piece of crap that Dean Devlin (the unofficial re-maker of better films) pooped out back in the early 90s? But, here I am, watching the new one from John Hyams, son of Peter.
Jean-Claude is still the hero here, but someone is attempting to rehabilitate him now. To make him a peaceful killing machine. (In case you don’t know, JCVD and Dolph are soldiers genetically engineered soldiers, impervious to pain and single-minded.) He gets brought back into the fold to save the children of a Russian leader. They’ve been kidnapped by a revolutionary who has the keys to another universal soldier played by Andre Arlovski (an actual UFC fighter). Then there’s a crazy doctor who helped design the USes. He secretly has Dolph on his side.
First question: why does America care? Second question: why do WE care? Third question: the USes are super fuckin’ strong, but none too bright. Not a one of them seems to know that they are basically fighting zombies. One shot to the head and it’s over. But, no. That only happens once.
The film is directed ok, although I think a lot of the action is too close, a big problem that a LOT of action movies have lately. Andre is a pretty amazing find on the fighting front. The fight scene between him and JCVD was great. But, really, the high point was the fight between JCVD and Dolph.
It still didn’t make me want to see the first one.
Directed by: Michael Spierig/Peter Spierig
Written by: Michael Spierig/Peter Spierig
Before this movie started, Tim League, one of his buddies and a stuffed deer appeared before us. Tim was dressed as a crow and his buddy was barely dressed as a fox. The three of them then proceeded to take the piss out of Antichrist.
Good for them. It was kind of amazing. That pretentious pile deserved it.
Now, on with the movie at hand.
The world has changed. About 95% of the population are vampires due to an epidemic about 10 years before. They farm humans in Matrix-style pods for their blood, but now the humans are running out. What’s a vamp to do?
Edward (Ethan Hawke) is a blood specialist at the leading blood farm run by Charles Bromley (Sam Neill). He is in charge of finding a substitute that will not make vampires explode while making more money for Bromley.
But Edward has too much of a conscience. He feels pity for the humans. His brother, Frankie (Michael Dorman) on the other hand, is a human hunter for the military. He pretty much shows no mercy and can’t understand why Edward no longer drinks human blood.
Enter Audrey (Claudia Karvan) and Elvis (Willem Dafoe). They are humans who are trying to find a cure. In fact, Elvis HAS been cured, but they don’t really understand how. Can Edward help them?
Not a whole lot of new ground broken for vampires, but what new ground can really be broken? The Spierig brothers (Undead) have created their own little world, though, and that world works pretty perfectly. Watch closely and you’ll see a lot of gags about normal vampire life.
But this isn’t a jokey film. It takes itself just seriously enough to be a really good vampire movie. Not scary, really. Just a lot of fun with LOTS of gore and grue. There’s even a bit of a political message that doesn’t get beaten into your brain.
Check this one out when it comes out. It’s a really fun flick.
That’s it for Fantastic Fest 2009 unless they decide to show movies for free on Sunday. Back to normal life. Watch for me in the theatre. I’ll be right behind you.
