Fantastic Fest 2011 – Michael/Haunters/Human Centipede 2

You like Fantastic stuff? Fantastic Fest is gonna be your thing.

The really weird thing about this year is that there don’t seem to be any big premieres. There are only two Secret Screenings (that I won’t get in) and those could be Robo Geisha 2 or something. Eff that.

It could be because Tim League has other things on his mind…like his brand new twins. (Congrats, Tim!) He said that he was taking the festival in a new direction because of the twins…a more family friendly direction. He even had Elijah Wood get on stage with him to do the “dancey-dance” that Elijah taught the Yo Gabba-Gabba creatures how to do!

When the exploding heads and porn started to get intercut into the footage of the dancey-dance…well, we all knew that Tim was lying all along.

Ok. Enough of this bullshit. Let’s get to those movies!

Michael (2011)

Directed by: Markus Schleinzer
Written by: Markus Schleinzer

Sometimes, a normal guy is not a normal guy. Michael (Anthony Edwards/Tony Hale mix, Michael Fuith) gets home from work after a quick trip to the grocery store and goes about his boring, normal life. It all looks like something we don’t care about until he opens his sound-proofed basement door.

What the fuck?

Turns out, Michael is a small boy named Wolfgang (David Rauchenberger) imprisoned in his basement. Sure, they go out to petting zoos and have Christmas, but there’s something MUCH darker going on here.

This movie is creepy, disgusting and, against all odds, funny. It’s not graphic by any means. All we ever see is a door closing…but we know what’s going on. Unfortunately. And, somehow, Schleinzer is able to make us laugh occasionally. I saw the movie and I’m not exactly sure how he managed it. The situation is never made fun of, but that situation is treated in such a mundane way by its participants that it’s hard not to laugh. “Sonny” may never sound the same to me again.

As time goes on, we keep wondering how the kid is going to get the best of Michael…or will he. David is actually completely amazing. He’s accepted his fate as this guy’s “son”/sex toy, but he still has a lot of fight left in him.

The movie shouldn’t have been as good as it was, but from the rather work-a-day beginning to the “What the fuck?” ending and through all of the jump cuts and long, drawn out shots, it kept me completely enthralled.

Michael certainly isn’t for everyone, but it is a great movie that, hopefully, will get some sort of release here in the States.

Haunters (2010)

Directed by: Min-suk Kim
Written by: Min-suk Kim

In 1991, a little boy makes a decision that changes his life. Both of his parents want to kill him…so he kills one of them and nearly kills the other. But he doesn’t do it with his own hands…he does it with theirs.

Fast forward to 2010 and that little boy has grown into a young man named Cho-in (Dong-won Kang) who uses his superpower to steal money. Another young man, Kyu-nam (Soo Go), has no powers…so he’s a loser. Funny thing is, he can’t be controlled by the other guy. The two face off in increasingly more bloody battles that end in death and destruction.

And it’s a comedy!

Not a bad little movie that pretty much turns into a superhero movie. It’s pretty fuckin’ silly at times, though. (The hero’s two buddies are pure comic relief. Of course, he pretty much is, too.)

By the end of the movie, as much as I liked it, I was ready for it to end. Kyu-nam had taken more abuse than is humanly possible and I was just tired of the villain. He was pretty cool, but relentless in his illogical obsession. He didn’t seem to be fighting for anything…just fighting. And he never escalated his attacks. He had all this power to control multiple people. Instead of having them attack Kyu-nam in new and interesting ways, he just has them stand between him and Kyu-nam.

Seriously.

Check it out if you like Korean films and have a little time. Otherwise, you’re probably ok to skip it and not kill yourself.

Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

Directed by: Tom Six
Written by: Tom Six

A couple of years ago, Danish director Tom Six brought a truly depraved movie to Austin for Fantastic Fest. The Human Centipede became a bit of a sensation…even though it wasn’t quite as bad as everyone thought it was. It certainly helped that it was a pretty decent movie. I kinda loved it.

When I heard that he was making another one, I was all over it. I knew it was going to be great.

Um…goddamn it.

Martin (Laurence R Harvey, not to be confused with the REAL Laurence Harvey) is a young man with MANY problems. First off, he’s mentally retarded. Second, he has a bitch of a mother. Third, he was molested by his father. (His mother blames him.) Fourth, he’s become obsessed with a film called The Human Centipede.

Yes, in this movie, the first movie was, in fact, a movie. Martin, though, seems to think it was a documentary. He wants to make his own centipede. He’s gonna do Dr. Heiter one better, though. Actually nine better.

Martin starts to bean random people over the head and takes them to an old warehouse with bad wiring. Amongst all of the screaming and crying, there’s also a lot of bleeding and pooping. Luckily, the movie is in really stark black and white, else it would have been even worse.

And it was bloody awful. Tom Six just took a whole bunch of gross and depraved ideas and strung them all together into a heavily Eraserhead influenced and LOUD film. The sound mix was so fucking loud and screechy that I wanted to tear my ears off.

Man, I wanted to like this movie. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t. I’m all for depraved, but this was just depraved for depraved’s sake. The only redeeming quality was Harvey’s performance. He was pretty amazing in what was basically a wordless role.

Skip, skip, skip this movie, though. There is absolutely no reason to watch it. Stick to the first one.

Tom said that he has a third movie already in the works. I’m actually afraid now.