****½ (4.5/5)

Directed by: David Fincher
Written by: Steven Zaillian
Based on book by: Stieg Larsson

Before the turn of the Millineum, let’s see some previews.

CONTRABAND–Mark Wahlberg has had a pretty interesting career. It’s a little hard to understand sometimes, actually. He’s gone from silly white rapper to silly b-movie actor to pretty well-respected actor all within about 15-20 years. He’s still doing some great stuff (The Departed will always stand as one of his best films), but sometime he chooses to just do a fun little action flick like Shooter…or Contraband. Could this one be that fun? Kinda looks like it. I’ll check it out.

THE IRON LADY–I’ve never been a fan of Margaret Thatcher, but I am a fan of Meryl Streep. (Who isn’t?) And I’m pretty interested in the story of this important figure in British (and world) history, no matter how I felt about her politics. Although, this was directed by Phyllida Lloyd (Mamma Mia!). Not too enthused by that. Watch for everyone’s favorite librarian (Anthony Head) throughout the preview.

21 JUMP STREET–Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum may get some butts in seats, but this looks pretty awful. A retread of an 80s series that is basically a footnote in the career of Johnny Depp doesn’t sound particularly interesting to me. Probably give this one a miss unless I start hearing good things…but I doubt it.

Ok. Let’s check out that tat.

When Stieg Larsson’s book about a couple of investigative reporters getting caught up in a 40 year old murder mystery suddenly became a surprise international bestseller, it was really only a matter of time before Hollywood put it onscreen. It didn’t make it before the Swedes got to their countryman’s work first, putting all three of the books in the series up before anyone else could even breath on them.

Good for them, I say. I’ve only seen the first film in the Swedish series (and I haven’t read any of the books), but it is very good.

How does the American version stack up? Well, let me tell you something about what you’re about to read a review of first.

Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) is on the edge of being out of a job. He’s just exposed a multi-millionaire as a crook, but the rich guy got the drop on him. He sued Mikael for libel and now it’s a national affair.

To blow off some steam and get out of the line of fire, Mikael decides to take a job as a sort of historian for Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer). Vanger and his family are among the richest people in Sweden. Rich enough to basically own their own island. But there’s a cut that has never healed. Henrik’s niece, Harriet, disappeared when she was in her teens and is believed to have been murdered. Henrik wants Mikael to find out what really happened. He and his brother, Martin (Stellan Skarsgard) are on one side while the rest of the family seems to be on the other…of course, one of them is a “former” Nazi.

This is truly one fucked up family.

Meanwhile, Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) is fighting for more than just her job. She’s a bit of a rebel. In fact, she’s just about the most punk rock character I’ve seen on screen since Sid Vicious. She’s not particularly likeable, but you can’t help but pull for her. She’s a bit of a genius, but that doesn’t always help her get out of situations where she’s forced to give a fat man a blowjob so that she can get some cash out of her own account. (She’s a ward of the state at 23 because the state found her incompetent at a very early age.)

She ends up working the case with Mikael. Chaos and death ensue.

None of this really even hint at the darkness that Mikael and Lisbeth uncover in their investigations. This is by no means a happy story. It’s dark, dark, dark and no one but David Fincher could bring it to the screen. He’s become fairly subdued since Fight Club, but he’s still always on the edge of madness and it works perfectly with this story. Between that and the score by Trent Reznor (watch for a reference to his band that’s pretty hard to miss), this is a pretty note-perfect adaptation of a book that I now want to read.

Of course, none of it would be possible without the right Lisbeth. After a casting call that rivaled the call for Scarlet O’Hara (ok, maybe not, but close) and having the originator of the role, Noomi Rapace, turn down playing her again, Fincher and the studio finally decided on Rooney Mara, the show-stealer of the first scene of The Social Network. They made the perfect decision. Rooney is fucking amazing and does things that (actually did) make a grown man cry. If she’s not up for every major award this year, I’m not sure what I’ll do. I know what she’ll do, though. It’ll involve a stun gun and a very large dildo.

There’s nothing pleasant about this movie. It’s not for the squeamish. It’s for hardcore film people and people who love a really good story. As with just about any David Fincher film, it’s not for everyone. But it is a great film that, if you can handle it, will reward you.

One last thing: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING, TAKING YOUR CHILD TO THIS MOVIE?!?! I can’t believe that a small family walked past me to get to their seats before the movie started! The little boy couldn’t have been more than 7…probably younger. You know, maybe you should see the movie first! It’s not that there’s sex in the film because, really, small children don’t care about that. It’s the fact that there’s sexual fucking violence! THAT will scar a kid!

Wow. Parents. Just don’t even know what to say.

This year kicked of with a video sent from Harry’s buddy, Quint, over in New Zealand. Quint’s been on the set of The Hobbit for the last few months and has been reporting on the filming of the future masterpieces. He did some behind the scene intros for the video and it was all a lot of fun. Then Peter Jackson called Gandalf (Ian McKellen) over because Quint was feeling pretty awful for not being at his best friend’s birthday party. Gandalf did a little hocus pocus and, after some in theatre explosions, Quint was in the audience! Gandalf leaned in to the camera and told us that he had secretly stashed a copy of the trailer in Quint’s bag just before he sent him.

WE GET TO SEE A TRAILER!?!?!

Well, first, Quint had to find a trailer bearer. You see, you don’t just walk into the Alamo projection room. A few people stood up, but it was Elijah Wood who stood up and yelled, “I will take it!” and ran up to Quint.

Wow. We’re all such freakin’ geeks, because this was awesome.

Well, they couldn’t get the trailer to work, so we had to go into the first film, but we did eventually see the trailer…three times in a row. I can’t tell you anything specific about it, but godDAMN, it looks amazing. I am hardly going to be able to wait until next December to see this movie.

The first movie that we saw was one that Harry introduced by saying that we had all probably just paid to see it very recently. He didn’t care, though, because it’s his birthday and he doesn’t care if it was just released a couple of weeks ago. The movie was pretty much about him and, as soon as he programmed it, all the rest of the programming just fell into place. Luckily, Hugo is probably my favorite movie this year.

Watching it a second time, I really noticed all of the more subtle film images throughout the entire movie. All of the clock faces and gears look like film reels and many of them make the noise of a film projector. Hugo runs around the clockworks, looking out of all of the windows as if he’s watching movies about all of the people who work at the train station. He’s a voyeur just like we all are when we watch movies.

I love this movie and it’s at least as good on a second viewing. It also helped to introduce what ended up being an underlying theme of the festival and, really, all movies: unexpected adventure.

Next up was a movie that plays a big role in Hugo.

A TRIP TO THE MOON (1902)

***** (5/5)

Directed by: Georges Méliès
Written by: Georges Méliès

Georges Melies was THE early visionary of film. Before Melies, film was a sideshow technology. Even the Lumiere Brothers had no idea that film would be a truly big deal. Melies figured out that you could actually tell a story with film.

A Trip To The Moon is Melies’ most famous film and deservedly so. It tells a simple story of a group of scientists (or wizards, depending on how you take the long beards and hats that they wear) who figure out how to go to the moon. They all climb aboard their rocket, hit the man in the moon in the eye, fight some mooninites, bring one back to Earth and are heroes. End story.

While the story was huge for its time, the sets are what amazes now. It’s all stage sets, but they still look better than a lot of CGI sets made today. Because of his background as a magician, he was the first filmmakers to use special effects on screen. His use of jump cuts to make people and objects appear, disappear and change instantly was an accidental invention, but he used it all the time to amaze his audiences.

If you have any interest in film history, A Trip To The Moon is absolutely essential to your film viewing. If you like sci-fi films, this was the first. It’s beautiful to see on the big screen. I wish it had been a tinted version (hand-tinted, of course), but it’s still a great film that should be seen by anyone with the slightest interest in film.

JUST IMAGINE (1930)

** (2/5)

Directed by: David Butler
Written by: Buddy G. DeSylva/Lew Brown/Ray Henderson

In 1930, Hollywood was looking for something new to put on the screen. Movies had just started talking fairly recently, so what could they do with this new version of the media?

Well, a sci-fi musical, of course!

That’s right, kids. This is not only Hollywood’s first sci-fi film, but it’s the first sci-fi musical!

Let’s not take that as a great thing just yet.

Basically a remake of A Trip To The Moon, Just Imagine takes place in 1980, a time far too distant for citizens of 1930 to even dream about. Cars have been replaced by airplanes, marriages have to be approved by the state (weird…we’re pretty much just starting that now), everyone has a number instead of a name and there are no people with pigment in their skin.

In other words, it’s a Republican dream!

LN-18 (a pre-Tarzan Maureen O’Sullivan) and J-21 (John Garrick) are in love. Unfortunately, another man has asked for permission to marry LN-18 and he is above J-21 on the pecking order. This, of course, means that he gets first priority. Unless, of course, J-21 can distinguish himself in the his field: aviation.

What’s a boy to do when everything’s already been done in aviation?

Luckily, esteemed scientist X-10 (Wilfred Lucas) wants to send J-21 to Mars. If he succeeds, he’ll be able to marry LN-18 and everything will be hunky dory. This can only happen, though, if he survives the trip.

Along for the fun are his best friend RT-42 (Frank Albertson) and Single-0 (El Brendel). Single-0 is a man who was somehow frozen in 1930 and is thawed out. He’s all about comic relief and has almost no bearing on the story. He just runs around with a Swedish accent (“What about yustice?!”) and does some vaguely funny Harpo Marx routines. El was a comedian at the time and this was his schtick on vaudeville. He’s kinda funny, but nothing to write home about.

Really, there’s not much to write home about for any of this movie. The sets are pretty amazing and the effects are nice. (A couple of the uncredited effects guys would go on to break down barriers with King Kong a few years later.) But that’s really it. The story is silly, the acting is stiff and the songs are kind of awful.

This isn’t an easy film to see. Amazon is out of stock and the ones that are for sale by other sellers are $999.99. Trust me. It’s not worth all that. If you really want to see the sets, check out a serial from the same time period. A lot of them were reused for…well, I can’t actually remember the serial. Apparently, it’s awesome, though. Too bad.

If you do see it, check out the strangest song of the entire movie where RT-42 and his wife sing about how they no longer kill flies because that fly might be in love with another fly. Then they save a pair of flies just so they can force them upon each other.

Um…what?

Also, there’s a jab at Henry Ford’s antisemitism. THAT is some funny stuff.

Next up was a different kind of adventure.

TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY (2011)

**** (4/5)

Directed by: Tomas Alfredson
Written by: Bridget O’Connor/Peter Straughan
Based on book by: John le Carre

John le Carre is one of the preeminent Cold War spy novels. With books like The Spy Who Came In From The Cold (1962) and The Looking Glass War (1965), he basically invented the cerebral, inward-looking spy novel. His books aren’t about globe hopping and lady laying. His are about the inner struggles of being a spy and the inner workings of MI6 and the Circus, the upper echelon of British spies.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (1974) is one of his best loved novels with his most well known creation, George Smiley. Smiley is a man whose entire life revolves around the Circus. Although he’s married, his wife is barely a character in the story…or his life, for that matter.

In the beginning of the film, Smiley (Gary Oldman) is in the middle of a forced retirement. His former boss, Control (John Hurt), calls him back into duty to find out who the mole is among his co-workers. They all seem to have different views from Control, but one of them is feeding information back to the Soviets. Who could it be? When Control dies, Smiley is basically on his own to save his country.

There’s the entire plot. Just a few lines. But, while the movie is VERY good, it’s also incredibly hard to follow at times. In fact, in my already tired state at this point in the day, I was pretty much lost by the time I got my burger. (In fact, that might have been what totally distracted me from what was truly going on. Don’t eat while watching this movie. You’ll get lost and never find your way again.) With all of the names, double-crosses and characters, it was nearly impossible to truly figure out.

This, of course, does not make this a bad film. The plot is kind of a McGuffin. We don’t necessarily care who the mole is. What we care about is seeing Smiley go through the motions of finding the mole. We care about the toll that it takes on Smiley. We care about seeing all of these characters interact together.

It also helps that Gary Oldman is at the top of his game here. Smiley is a very “normal” character and Oldman manages to make him real. There were definitely times that I forgot that this was Sid Viscous/Beethoven/Sirius Black that I was watching. His voice has a British aristocracy lilt to it that I’ve never heard from him before. His face, although not really made up, was older than ever before. And he was perfectly amazing.

The rest of the cast was just as good. Toby Jones, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Benedict Cumberbatch (it was nice to see Sherlock play Holmes), Ciaran Hines…all were great. Alfredon’s (Let The Right One In) direction caught all of these performances perfectly, often from a distance away…much like a spy would have.

After sitting through the two hour film, just about everyone had the same look on their face: “That was great! What happened?” Luckily, the studio knew that they had made possibly the most cerebral and complex spy film in decades, so the Alamo staff was provided with dossiers for every audience member, complete with plot points, character sketches and basically a flow chart explaining what the fuck happened.

I kind of love them for it.

This is definitely a film that warrants multiple viewings. I can’t wait to give it another shot and see if I can follow more of it. I’ll have one up on the rest of the audience with the dossier in my hand.

Hell, I actually can’t wait to read the book.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS (2011)

**** (4/5)

Directed by: Guy Ritchie
Written by: Michele Mulroney/Kieran Mulroney
Based on characters created by: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Sherlock Holmes has come back in a big way lately. In 2009, Guy Ritchie directed the amped up version of the world’s greatest detective to accolades and dollars. Then there was the BBC update of the original stories perfectly cast with Benedict Cumberbatch as Holmes and Martin Freeman as Watson. There will also be an American version of the Holmes legend on television soon.

Now, Ritchie is back with the sequel to the film that restarted it all. This time out, Holmes (Robert Downey, Jr) and Watson (Jude Law) are on the run from Holmes’ greatest enemy, Professor James Moriarty (creepily played by Jared Harris). The two men are perfectly matched in just about every way with one exception: Moriarty is willing to kill anyone who gets in his way. Even the innocent.

Watson, of course, is about to get married when he and Holmes reconnect, so he is none too excited to get caught up in this latest adventure. The bromance is palpable and the near homosexuality of the two leads is played up even more than it is in the BBC show. “Lay with me, Watson.”

It’s been a couple of years since I’ve seen the original, so it’s hard for me to compare the two. From what I remember of it, though, I think this one is just as much fun and just as good. Yes, there are plenty of explosions and the direction is kinetic, as always. This is no sedate, Basil Rathbone film, but I think you all knew that. To say that it has a Michael Bay style is to insult the movie. It’s not dumb like a Bay movie. It’s not shit like a Bay movie. This is a Guy Ritchie film and he is getting back in our good graces by using other peoples’ characters. (His next project is The Man From U.N.C.L.E.)

Of course, this movie really has almost nothing to do with the original stories. There are things that fans will recognize, but there’s no story that I know of that follows this kind of path. (Somehow I doubt that Conan Doyle teamed the boys up with a sexy gypsy woman (Noomi Rapace) who kicks just as much ass as the two men. And I don’t think that Mycroft (Stephen Frye) was as…strange…as this version of him.)

This was an incredibly fun movie and, honestly, I can’t wait for these folks to team up again for a third film.

THE BEAST WITH FIVE FINGERS (1946)

**** (4/5)

Directed by: Robert Florey
Written by: William Fryer Harvey/Curt Siodmak/Harold Goldman (uncredited)

At one time, a man like Peter Lorre could be a huge star. With his bugged out eyes and crazy voice, you would think that he would be a hard sell. But Lorre was a movie star pretty much from the first time he stepped onto the screen in M in 1931. He has never stopped being an icon.

That’s why it was a bit surprising when Harry said that he had never played a Lorre film at BNAT. The fuck you say?

The Beast With Five Fingers was a pretty good way to start.

Lorre plays an astronomer who lives with an eccentric old pianist (Victor Francen) who has lost the use of his right side. His music has been rewritten by a cynical young man named Bruce Conrad (Robert Alda). When the old man dies leaving all of his money to his nurse (Andrea King), his descendants descend upon his house to try to make it seem like the old man was a blundering fool and that the money should come to him. Of course, Bruce and the nurse are in love.

Oh yeah…Peter Lorre. He actually plays a big role in this, although the description makes it seem like he doesn’t. He is pretty much the catalyst for the whole thing to happen. He’s incredibly protective of his books and his research and wants everyone out of the house…except for the nurse, of course. She can stay.

As time goes on, Lorre goes crazier and crazier and starts to see a disembodied hand crawling around the house and occasionally playing music. Sometimes it even kills people.

This is a great little film that, unfortunately, is hard to find outside of this sort of festival. It’s never been released on DVD and Warner has no plans of releasing it. That’s really too bad because I think the movie could find a niche audience now.

If you ever get a chance to see it, check it out.

G.I. JOE 2: RETALIATION TRAILER

Well, they got rid of Stephen Sommers, so I guess that’s a step in the right direction. But they replaced him with Jon M Chu, director of such classics as Step Up 2, Step Up 3D and Justin Beiber: Never Say Never.

Uh…what?

First off, was anyone really clamoring for this sequel? Second…shit. I don’t even know. I don’t remember anything about this trailer. Whatever. Do what you want, Hollywood. Enough stupid people will be into it.

Let’s move on.

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN (2011)

**** (4/5)

Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Written by: Steven Moffat/Edgar Wright/Joe Cornish
Based on comics by: Herge

Tintin is one of the most popular characters in the world. Created by Georges Prosper Remi (aka Herge) in Belgium in 1929, he has become like Mickey Mouse to about 85% of the world.

So, you ask, why have you not heard of him? That’s because people in America don’t really care about what happens in any other country. Most Americans had never heard of Jackie Chan until Rumble In The Bronx in 1995. He had only been making movies for about 25 years before that, becoming the most famous man in the world. Why would we have heard of him?

I’m not saying that Americans are stupid. We’re just very insular. Many people see something foreign and they suddenly become uninterested. That really is a shame, though, because other countries make some amazing stuff.

Anyway, enough PSAs. Tintin is like a Belgian Mickey Mouse. He’s a boy reporter who was able to have 23 and a half adventures before Herge died in 1983 while writing the 24th. Sometime in the early 80s, a young director named Steven Spielberg became interested in Tintin because someone compared Raiders Of The Lost Ark to his adventures. Herge then became a fan of Spielberg saying that he was the only man who could possibly bring Tintin to life. Spielberg bought the rights in 1983 and has never let them go.

Skip ahead nearly 30 years when Spielberg goes to fellow Tintin fanatic Peter Jackson to see about using WETA to do special effects for a live action Tintin movie. Jackson says, “No! The only way to do it is motion capture and CGI!”

Agreeance!

I’ve never read a Tintin book, but I feel like I need to now that I’ve seen this movie. It follows Tintin (Jamie Bell) as he and his dog, Snowy, run amok all over the world. They meet Captain Haddock (Andy Serkis), rescue him from smugglers led by Mr. Sakharine (Daniel Craig) and then search for treasure. There’s also the Inspectors Thompson (Nick Frost and Simon Pegg), two identical policemen who bumble their way through helping Tintin catch the bad guys.

And it all starts with a model ship.

This is a really fun movie with amazing animation. For just about the first time, motion capture isn’t totally creepy. I think it’s probably because they don’t try to make these characters look realistic. They look like slightly more realistic versions of the real comic book characters. (Watch for the analog drawings at the beginning of the film.) The 3D works beautifully, too. Not as essential as Hugo, but still a good addition to the film.

I think, though, that even if the animation was as creepy as Polar Express the movie would still be a lot of fun. Story and action go a long way and this one has both to spare. The action is basically non-stop, just like it would be in a comic book.

My only complaint is that maybe the story moves a bit TOO fast. I felt like we got caught up right from the start and there wasn’t enough time to really figure out what was going on who who these people really were. Then again, maybe that’s how it would be in real life. Just go, go, go and don’t stop to think.

I think I’ll have to see it one more time to really get a good feel for it. I had a lot of fun with it, but I think it may be a movie that a second viewing would give it another half star…maybe even a full one.

THE DEVIL INSIDE TRAILER

From the producer of the Paranormal Activity movies and (sigh) Insidious, this looks like Paranormal Exorcist. Lots of people (same person? not sure) getting possessed and then breaking their own backs. Oh, and found footage. Of course. We can’t make a horror movie anymore without found footage.

I dunno. Maybe I’ll check it out on video. I just don’t really want to give this guy THAT much more money.

Oh yeah, when the trailer said, “Based on a true story,” the whole audience laughed.

PORCO ROSSO (1992)

**** (4/5)

Directed by: Hayao Miyazaki
Written by: Hayao Miyazaki

Hayao Miyazaki is one of the best directors alive today, live action or animation. The man is amazing. All of his films are at least entertaining on some level. There are some that I don’t like as much as others (don’t shoot me, but I’m just not that into Totoro), but they’re all great.

Porco Rosso is one that has always been on my list, but I’ve just never gotten around to checking it out. I mean, it’s about a pig who flies airplanes. Why does that sound good? Well, it has the name Miyazaki attached to it. That’s why.

Porco is the best pilot in the air just before World War II breaks out. He makes his living as a bounty hunter and rescues people from air pirates. He also happens to have had a spell put on him that turned him into a pig. This, of course, does not stop him from romancin’ the ladies. There’s one lady in particular that he’s had his eye on, but he’s constantly thwarted by Curtis, a fellow flying ace.

This was definitely a movie that I could not stay awake through just from sheer fatigue. It had nothing to do with the quality of the film because, you know, it’s Miyazaki.

Here’s the deal, though. This is Harry’s favorite Miyazaki film. He dressed as Porco for Halloween this year and just loves the shit out of this movie.

I don’t think it’s going to be one of my favorites. I just couldn’t quite connect with it like I did something like Princess Mononoke or Castle In The Sky. It’s a good film (note the four stars), but I don’t think it’s Miyazaki’s best. I will, however, give it another shot sometime.

CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012)

****½ (4.5/5)

Directed by: Drew Goddard
Written by: Joss Whedon/Drew Goddard

Joss Whedon did a LOT for the horror genre when he created Buffy The Vampire Slayer. It’s a real turning point for horror if only for the girl-centric plot of the whole thing.

Unfortunately, he’s also inspired a lot of rather uninspired clones over the years.

Cabin In The Woods is his way of knocking all of them down a peg or two…even if that’s not what he says it is.

I’m not allowed to do a detailed review here, but I can tell you that this movie kicked my ass. It’s so freakin’ smart, funny and full of turns that you don’t quite expect that it’s hard not to fall in love with it. It takes every trope of horror movies and turns them on their inverted ears in a way the Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson couldn’t quite bring themselves to do with Scream.

It’s been a long and winding road for this movie (it was filmed a few years ago, I think), but it’s finally coming out and I hope that it endears itself to lots of fans. It deserves it.

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE (2012)

** (2/5)

Directed by: Mark Neveldine/Brian Taylor
Written by: Scott M. Gimple/Seth Hoffman/David S. Goyer
Based on comics by: Roy Thomas/Gary Friedrich/Mike Ploog

When Harry announced this one, I think most of the audience groaned a little bit. Seriously? Ghost Rider 2? Why would we want to see a sequel to that shitty movie?

Actually, he had the same reaction when Columbia asked if he wanted to screen it at BNAT. He said, “I need to see it.” He did and he thought it was completely different from the first one and kinda loved it.

Again, I’m not allowed to write a detailed review…but I’m not really sure that I could even if I wanted to. I not only couldn’t stay awake through it, I wasn’t interested enough to stay awake. Sure, Nicolas Cage is in Bad Lieutenant mode here, so he’s a lot of fun to watch while he goes through his weird faces and crazy voices. That, unfortunately, doesn’t make the movie particularly good. It’s good enough to be better than the first, but that’s not saying much. Really, only the kinetic direction (from the guys who brought us the Crank saga…they do know how to get into the middle of the action) and Nic’s craziness keeps it from being the worst movie at BNAT this year.

THE GREY (2012)

****½ (4.5/5)

Directed by: Joe Carnahan
Written by: Joe Carnahan/Ian Mackenzie Jeffers
Based on short story by: Ian Mackenzie Jeffers

Joe Carnahan is one of those directors that everyone just kind of lost faith in. When Narc came out in 2002, everyone thought that the 70s cop drama was coming back. It was a great story of dirty cops in a dirty world.

Then things started going slightly awry. Smokin’ Aces came out and no one but me liked it at all. No, I didn’t think that it was a great film, but I thought that it was fun. I was all alone. Then came The A-Team.

Done with that.

I really hope that The Grey changes peoples’ minds again. It’s the story of Liam Neeson vs. very large wolves.

Ok, it’s more than that. Liam and his co-workers go down in a plane crash in the snows of Alaska. Only seven of them survive. He is the wolf expert, so he becomes the de-facto leader, even if some of them aren’t so happy with that “decision.” The wolves pick the men off one by one as Liam becomes more and more of a badass and, actually, more full of regret and pathos. His mind is constantly on his wife back home. What happened to make him put his shotgun in his mouth just before he got on the plane?

No action movie is this, though. This is a dark action drama where the men are worse enemies to themselves than the wolves are. The infighting is believable and sometimes hard to watch. Even without the infighting, though, nature is stronger than man. This film never lets us forget that. Never…

This is a great film and I really hope that it brings Joe back in favor. He has pulled a performance out of Neeson that very well could be award caliber. Liam is one of my favorite actors currently working and I love that he’s become a thinking man of action. This is one of his best performances.

After this flick, we all piled onto buses and headed for the IMAX theatre down the road.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – GHOST PROTOCOL (2011)

**** (4/5)

Directed by: Brad Bird
Written by: Josh Appelbaum/André Nemec
Based on television show created by: Bruce Geller

Why the fuck can’t I dislike Tom Cruise movies anymore? Why the fuck does he keep making good movies while he, personally, still sucks?

Sigh. Whatever. The Mission: Impossible franchise has become his goto to make more money and, actually…they’ve become pretty goddamn great. After the mediocrity of the first and outright badness of the second, the third was awesome and the fourth is at least its equal. This has become the director’s franchise that Tarantino has always wanted the Bond series to become.

This time out, the IMF have been disbanded because the American government think that they have gone rogue. They were framed by a mysterious man (Michael Nyqvist, the original Mikael Blomkvist in the Swedish Girl Who… trilogy) who wants to start a nuclear war between Russia and the US. In fact, he has made tension run higher than it has since the Cuban Missile Crisis.

After the Secretary (Tom Wilkinson) is killed, Ethan Hunt (Cruise) is forced to go underground with his crew (Paula Patton and Simon Pegg) and the Secretary’s adviser (Jeremy Renner). The four of them become a well-oiled machine…even if their machines aren’t so well-oiled. In fact, that’s kind of a running joke in the film. None of their equipment seems to work quite right.

Funnier than the last film which, if I remember correctly, was a bit dour, Ghost Protocol is non-stop action and a LOT of fun. I’m not sure what made JJ Abrams and Tom Cruise entrust animation/Pixar director Brad Bird (The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, Ratatouille) with their baby, allowing him to cut his live-action teeth on the fourth installment, but it looks like their gamble paid off in spades. He handles the job like a pro and I hope it leads to more action flicks like this: fun, thoughtful and full of actual story.

A lot has been said about Jeremy Renner being a possible replacement for Tom if he ever decides to leave the series. They’ve been denying it, but I would be up for it. Sure, I don’t think Tom is going to leave his cash cow anytime soon. But if he does, they could do worse than Renner. He’s a really good actor and handles the action very well. Honestly, if this was Cruise’s last M:I film, I wouldn’t be sad. Brandt is a good character and could totally hold the franchise up.

By the way, I would totally buy this Saul Bass inspired poster. Why have I never seen it before? One of the best posters I’ve seen in a while.

So, that was it. One of the better lineups for BNAT, I think. Only two movies that really weren’t up to par, but they even had their place in keeping the flow. (Without Ghost Rider 2, when would I have slept?!)

Another Butt Numb-A-Thon down. I’m already ready for next year.

THE ARTIST (2011)

***** (5/5)

Directed by: Michel Hazanavicius
Written by: Michel Hazanavicius

Silent film is a dead art. Out of all of the styles of film that have come and gone, silent film is the one that no one really goes back to. Outside of one Mel Brooks movie and an episode of Buffy, I can’t think of another silent film made since the early 30s. (I’m sure there are some, but I just can’t think of them right now.)

Michel Hazanavicius has taken up the challenge and made a full-length silent film in the age of CGI effects and Digital Dolby sound. And, strangely enough, it’s fucking amazing.

It’s 1927 in Hollywood and George Valentin (Jean Dujardin in a role that Kavin Kline would have played very well about 20 years ago) is the biggest star in the world. His series of films (including A Russian Affair and A German Affair) are adventure/espionage movies where he and his trusty Jack Russell terrier roam around the world spying on folks and getting tortured.

Just after the premiere of one of his films, George meets Peppy Miller (Berenice Bejo). The two share a moment and then she becomes Hollywood’s IT girl.

Then, tragedy strikes: sound. Can George’s career survive? Will Peppy lose her soul? Will Zimmer (John Goodman) ever direct a masterpiece? What is Malcolm Macdowell doing in this movie for ten seconds?

The Artist will most likely be the best movie that I see at this festival. Not only does it get everything right as far as the silent filmmaking (this looks like it could have been made in the late 20s), but the story is absolutely perfect. It’s hilarious, heartfelt and, most importantly, human. All of the characters are real while still being broad enough to be larger than life.

I didn’t know very much about this movie going in. I kind of wish that I could write a review for it without mentioning that it’s a silent film because I think that some people will avoid it because they don’t want to sit through an hour and a half of no sound. Unfortunately, there’s really no way to review it without that bit of information because it’s so integral to the plot. It’s not just a gimmick. It pretty much is the whole story.

Please don’t let the fact that it’s silent keep you from seeing The Artist. If you do, you might just miss one of the best movies of the year.

DARK MATTERS SHORTS

Typically, a shorts program like this will have three or four real stinkers. This one, though, didn’t have any. It was kinda weird. There was one weak one, but it was still pretty funny.

Let’s check out the horror shorts, shall we?

BLIND SPOT (2011)

Directed by: Matthew Nayman
Written by: Matthew Nayman

When the world is going to Hell, will you notice? Or will you be like the guy in this short who just keeps trying to get his plane ticket changed.

This is a short that knows how to build, tell its story and then get out before it’s too late. Not the best thing around, but it was pretty damn funny and actually had a bit of a point.

HOW (NOT) TO BECOME A VAMPIRE (2011)

Directed by: Keram Malicki-Sanchez
Written by: Lori Fischburg

This was the weak one. A mostly funny instructional video/infomercial for a kit that will turn you into a vampire. Sporadically funny and a bit over done, but still not too bad.

LAST CHRISTMAS (2011)

Directed by: Geoff Redknap
Written by: Geoff Redknap

This was, hands down, the masterpiece of the program. A young boy (Quinn Lord, who plays Sam in Trick ‘r Treat) wakes up to a Christmas tree and a cat. Soon enough, we find out that he’s taking care of his increasingly addled grandmother (Linda Darlow), seemingly all alone. Why won’t he let her go outside? And why is he nervous when she asks about the family?

Great performances and realistic writing make this an incredibly sad and yet still sweet short that will be the one that stays with me after the festival. Redknap has been doing makeup for movies since 1995 (a lot of big ones that you’ve seen), but he keeps that to a bare minimum here. And it’s all for the best.

THE INTERVIEW (2011)

Directed by: Michelle Steffes
Written by: Jacob Givens/Jason Philip Thompson

Another good one about an apocalyptic world where a young man is trying to get a job with the only other person that he knows is alive, the DJ of the radio station that he listens to. (Ok, the ONLY radio station.) They’re advertising for a new VP. When he gets there he finds a normality that isn’t exactly what he expected.

Consistently funny, but not so overboard that it becomes completely ridiculous. Also, strangely sad in a way. Corporate mugs will always be corporate mugs, no matter what happens.

IN THE MIDDLE (2010)

Directed by: Thomas Ward
Written by: Thomas Ward

A waitress at a crappy diner in the middle of nowhere goes through her crappy day serving crappy food to crappy customers. The crappiest are a group of teenaged girls who just don’t get that this lady isn’t “quaint.” They think they’re smarter than her and they show it. The whole thing comes to a boil when they start to talk about “Perjury.” You know, where you wait for your fate just outside of Hell?

Just another day at D’s Mediterranean Diner.

Pretty good stuff. I know how this chick feels, unfortunately.

THE FIRST ZOMBIE (2011)

Directed by: Jeff Norton
Written by: Jeff Norton

Another one that could have been better, but was still pretty funny at times. The first zombie has crawled his way out of his grave and now has to acclimate to his unlife. His wife does her best to help him, but his baby is a bit more on the “AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!” side of things.

Like I said, pretty funny at times, but I think it could have worked a bit better.

MOVING DAY (2010)

Directed by: Jason Wingrove
Written by: Matthew Graham

I felt like I had seen this one before, but the ending was completely different. A little girl moves into a new home in the countryside with her family. She discovers some not so nice fairies living in the plants. (The first one flips her off, which was actually unexpected.) But she finds a way to get bloody, fiery revenge.

This could have been a disaster, but it was actually pretty damn fun…even if the credits went on and on and on and on. The music is what made it work so well. All innocence and fun at first and the 90s action movie by the end. Not a perfect short, but definitely one worth seeking out.

MUMMY’S LITTLE HELPER (2011)

Directed by: Michael Lavelle
Written by: Michael Lavelle

Heavy handed, but still suspenseful, Mummy’s Little Helper is an anorexia cautionary tale about a mother who is all about losing weight…any way she can. Will she pass that on to her little girl?

Very obvious message that Lavelle beats us over the head with, but it was visually very good and the storytelling was effective. Check it out if you get the chance, but wear a helmet.

THE DINNER MEETING (2011)

Directed by: Antony Webb
Written by: Ethan Marrell

This was probably my second favorite. It’s about a guy who wants to propose to his girlfriend. She picks the restaurant and he meets her there. But what is this restaurant called Eternity? And why is the maitre’d so freakin’ nervous?

I actually didn’t see where this one was going until it hit me in the face with it. This is a fun and dark little flick. Definitely check it out.

***½ (3.5/5)
Nastiness Rating:
***** (5/5)

Directed by: William Lustig
Written by: CA Rosenberg/Joe Spinell

There are some films that I just can’t understand why they’re not on the official Video Nasties list. Maniac is near the top of the list.

Joe Spinell (more on him later) plays Frank Zito, one of the most perverse and disgusting serial killers in the history of film. He kills women in order to possess them forever. He doesn’t take their whole body home, though. He scalps them and sticks the scalp on a mannequin. His apartment is full of mannequins with bloody scalps covering their bald heads.

Really, that’s the entire plot of the movie. Frank goes from woman to woman, killing them all. He gets to know a couple of them, but he always ends up killing them in horrible, bloody ways. Whether he strangles them, shoots them in the face or stabs them with a short sword in a subway station bathroom, he slaughters them all.

In fact, there’s only one man killed in the entire movie. It happens to be effects guru Tom Savini whose head gets exploded by a shotgun. (This is the scene that made Gene Siskel walk out of the theatre, feeling that the film could not redeem itself after that. It’s hard to disagree.)

Why, you might ask, would a movie like this ever get made?

Oh, come on. We all know why it got made. William Lustig and Joe Spinell were fans of The Deuce. They hung out in 42nd Street theatres, watching some of the most violent films ever made. It inspired them to do some research into serial killers and come up with their own. It had to be better than these silly movies, right?

It’s certainly more depraved than just about any other movie I’ve ever seen. Lustig knows how to shoot a gore scene and keep the mood creepy and dirty. It helps that the movie was shot on location in NYC. This would make a great double feature with Basketcase because they really show how it was in NYC in the early 80s. Both films are so dirty and twisted that it’s hard to NOT feel like you’re right there in the middle of Times Square and The Deuce. Although, the movies are pretty much night and day. Where Basketcase is, if not a light romp, it’s certainly a fun horror movie. Maniac, though, is so freakin’ dark that it’s pretty goddam hard to watch.

When the movie came out, womens’ groups went INSANE. Yes, they had ever right to do so, but they also managed to make the movie a huge hit on The Deuce. Everyone suddenly wanted to see this movie with the poster with the killer who’s getting a raging boner from holding a woman’s scalp.

Would the movie have been a hit if it weren’t for everyone deriding it? I think it would have been big in NYC, but nowhere else. Because of them, though, it made quite a bit of money.

Also because of them, that money went to Joe Spinell’s head. He remained a super nice dude according to everyone in the documentary about him on the Blue Underground disc, but he started doing drugs and drinking more than usual.

Joe Spinell, you see, was one of Hollywood’s great partiers. He was also, strangely, instrumental in a lot of great peoples’ lives. He was with Spielberg when he was denied a nomination for directing Jaws. He was in The Godfather and Taxi Driver. He was the man who got Rocky a green light.

But he was also Frank Zito, a deranged killer of women. And, because of this, he has always been a side-note in film history. Which is really too bad. I’m not going to say that I remember him in all of these films, but I’m absolutely going to be on the lookout for him from now on.

So, in effect, those groups who protested Maniac did two things: they made Joe go a little crazy himself and they made him want to redeem his character (in a way, since it’s really a different character) in a sequel where he plays a kiddie show host who kills abusive parents. The movie was never finished, but it apparently had some promise.

Anyway, I’m kind of getting away from the point of this review, which is Maniac. The movie has a reputation and it’s pretty damn well deserved. I keep saying that it’s depraved, dirty and disgusting…but really there aren’t too many other words that describe it as well. From the first frame of Joe waking up and screaming for his mother to the final, bloody climax that really makes no goddamn sense. (Joe kept the severed head until the day he died.)

It’s hard to say that this is a good film, because it really isn’t. The acting is rough, the writing is rougher and it’s seriously a little bit inept at times. But it’s also hard to just dismiss it as terrible. It’s certainly a touchstone for horror and is probably one of the more disturbing films that I’ve seen in a long time…and I’ve watched a lot of Fulci lately.

In other words, not only is this film not for everyone…it’s almost not for anyone. It’s definitely not for women.

As a side note, the main thing that reminded me that this film existed and made me want to finally see it was actually Jay Chattaway’s score. It’s a really menacing synth score that kind of works on its own. Chattaway went on to work with Lustig a few more times before becoming the go to guy for Star Trek TV scores!

Maniac is the first in a new series of vinyl re-releases coming from the Mondo, the Alamo Drafthouse’s famed t-shirt/poster company. I can’t WAIT to see what they decide to put out next. (Shameless plug, dudes. I’m here for YOU!)

RETREAT (2011)

***½ (3.5/5)

Directed by: Carl Tibbetts
Written by: Carl Tibbetts/Janice Hallett

Another day, another home invasion flick. Better than some, still no Straw Dogs. (And I mean the original. Eff the remake.)

Martin and Kate (Cillian Murphy and Thandie Newton) go out to an isolated island for a little R&R and relationship rehab. Unfortunately, Jack (Jamie Bell) shows up in full military garb and blood. He tells them to start plugging up holes in the house and not let anyone in because there’s been a pandemic that has decimated the population.

Would you believe a slightly crazed supposed military dude? Neither did they.

So, there’s the plot. Was it good? As I said, it was ok. Great acting in a pretty mundane plotline, but it was pretty well executed. My only real problem was how stupid Martin was. Kinda wanted him to be a normal dude, not a guy with about three brain cells to rub together.

Other than that, though, not a bad flick with an ending that was better than most in this genre. Check it out.

NIGHT OF THE DEVIL (2011)

Directed by: Florian Puchert, Wolfgang Boehm

One of the better shorts that I’ve seen. A woman is haunted by something. Her husband doesn’t believe. They get someone to come out to exorcise the demon. Unfortunately, he might only be in it for the money.

Some creepy stuff going on here with some great makeup effects. Nothing too terribly special, but definitely cool for a short.

THE DEVIL’S BUSINESS (2011)

*** (3/5)

Directed by: Sean Hogan
Written by: Sean Hogan

Yay, for devil worshiper movies! Boo, for bad endings!

Two men (one to learn, one to teach) go to kill another man for their boss. They find some pretty awful things going on in this guy’s house. When they actually kill him, things REALLY get going.

The Devil’s Business is a fairly run of the mill devil worshiper movie, but it rises above it with the acting and the sense of dread that comes from these two guys walking around a dark house. I could have done without 20 minutes of the movie being given over to one of them telling a ghost story that just barely paid off at the end, but I liked it overall.

Until the end, that is. They tried a little bit too hard for a “big payoff” that ended up just being silly. There was a point where I thought it would have been great if they had just cut the scene and ended the movie. Unfortunately, they went on, showed a silly creature and ended with a whimper.

What makes the movie worth it, really, was the performance of Billy Clark in a role that Dean Stockwell would have taken about 20 years ago. He’s the hardened hitman who does his job and gets out and is never shaken by anything…until…

But, damn that ending.

ANGELS & AIRWAVES PRESENTS LOVE (2011)

**½ (2.5/5)

Directed by: William Eubank
Written by: William Eubank

When a band’s name is above the title and it’s not a concert video, you know there’s something wrong. Especially when that band is the side-project of a guy from Blink-182.

Lee Miller (Gunner Wright) is alone. Completely alone. I don’t mean that kind of alone that a teenager feels when he’s “so in love” with the girl next door. Or even the kind of alone that a girl in a romantic comedy feels when she’s the only one of her friends who isn’t getting married. I mean he’s actually on a space station and he’s told that he’s going to be left there for an indeterminate amount of time with no contact with the Earth.

The rest of the film is Lee slowly going insane. He talks to pictures that other astronauts left behind. He uses his treadmill as a sled. He keeps his beard amazingly trimmed for the first six years. (As a man with a beard, I can tell you that this is impossible.)

I was almost with this movie up until the 2001 ending, complete with white room and nonsensical mumbo-jumbo about the human race. (Speaking of which, why would a ship with lots and lots of mainframes and advanced technology apparently be controlled by an Apple IIe?) It was an interesting study of isolation. Then it just went all dumb and derivative.

Here’s what IS impressive: The guys from the band managed to make this film basically in their back yard for under $500,000. It’s a sci-fi film that is pretty impressively realistic made in someone’s back yard. While the movie itself didn’t impress me, I’m kind of happy that it got made. Maybe someone with more writing talent will see it and decide that they can do better. I guess we’ll see.

The soundtrack was ok. Probably better than anything else that Angels & Airwaves has ever done. It’s pretty atmospheric and has some really cool passages. Overall, it gets a better rating than the movie. I don’t know that I’m going to rush out and buy it, but it was at least interesting.

URBAN EXPLORER (2011)

***½ (3.5/5)

Directed by: Andy Fetscher
Written by: Martin Thau

Urban exploring is one of the more fascinating subjects of exploration out there. Yeah, exploring jungles and woods and stuff holds its appeal, too. Space certainly would beat all of this out. But exploring the things that we humans have left behind and forgotten can lead to some pretty amazing discoveries, especially in big, old cities. Hell, even in Austin there are plenty of tunnels to go through.

Unfortunately, a lot of this stuff has been boarded up or just plain destroyed.

Berlin, though, is a bit of a different story. According to this movie, anyway. Yes, the tunnels have been blocked off, but there are apparently tours of the Berlin underground going on right under the authorities’ noses. (Actually, I’m sure this happens everywhere. Whatever.)

Urban Explorer is about four kids who take one of these tours. They get a guide and go looking for the “Fahrenzimmer.” It’s the room where the Nazis’ drivers would hang out and it has tons of murals and Nazi graffiti everywhere. It’s been walled up to keep Neo-Nazis from going in to worship at the alter of their Fuhrer.

The kids make it to the room (and it is VERY interesting), but on the way out, their guide falls, breaking his leg. Time to get help!

The rest of the movie is a cat and mouse game between the kids and a super-creepy Nick Nolte look-alike. And a true thrill-ride it is. Not only is the scenery amazing (it was all filmed in the actual Berlin underground…all of these places are fucking real!), but the action is pretty non-stop.

No, the kids aren’t super interesting. They do smart things and stupid things. (NEVER investigate a noise when you’re on your way to safety!) There are leaps of logic. (I definitely heard a squishing noise. How is he still alive?) But it was a really fun ride and, with this kind of movie, that’s all I really need sometimes.

One thing I don’t like is the fact that the filmmakers seem to kind of equate the Nazis with the Communists. The bad guy is a former border patrol soldier. They make so many references to Nazis (and hardly any to Communists) that it’s easy to start to think that he was a Nazi, but Nazis didn’t build the Berlin Wall. Communists did. This guy was not a Nazi.

Could the movie be an anti-Communist statement?

Whatever. Somehow, I doubt it. I think it was just an excuse to film down there and they happened to run into some old plumbing from the Wall.

Definitely check this one out if you get a chance. It’s well worth your time.

“But wait, Prof Wagstaff! That can’t be all! This was the last full day of the festival. Did you only see FOUR movies?!”

No, no, child. I actually saw five. Unfortunately, the fifth one (the Hong Kong movie), I’m not allowed to write about. It’s really too bad, too, because it probably would have been a 4.5 star review. Pretty damned awesome stuff. But I can’t tell you what movie it was.

Sad face.

**** (4/5)

Directed by: Joe Wright
Written by: Seth Lochhead/David Farr

I haven’t checked yet, but I have a feeling that Roger Ebert didn’t like this movie too much.
But before we get to that, let’s hit some previews.

THOR–I’m STILL not sure what to make of this. It looks really silly, but I still want to see it. Kenneth Branagh probably does a decent job directing his first real action movie…maybe. I dunno. Thor is just kind of a weird, esoteric superhero. Still trying to figure out how interested I am.

THE TREE OF LIFE–This one, though, I’m sure about. Terrence Malick can do no wrong, in my book. Bring along Brad Pitt and Sean Penn and I’m extremely there. Looks to be another beautiful film that plays like poetry.

SUPER 8–I’m pretty sure about this one, too. JJ Abrams’ new film about kids who accidentally film a military train derailing with…something…inside of it looks to be the ride of the summer. It also looks to be a serious action movie! Not just another popcorn flick! I’m there.

Ok. That’s enough of that. Let’s get to the killin’.

Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) has been living in the secluded north for years with her father, Erik (Eric Bana). Not only has he taught her basic survival skills (including killing giant deer), but he’s taught her how to kill people twice her size. When she decides that she’s ready to see the real world, things get…more interesting.

Why has Erik been hiding with Hanna all these years? Why has he been teaching her these horrible skills? And why is a government agent named Marissa (Cate Blanchett) so intent on killing both of them?

Director Joe Wright really has no business being able to direct action this well. His first three films are basically, if you’ll excuse the term, chick flicks. They are very good films (although, I haven’t seen The Soloist yet), but they are not action films, by any means. Sure, Atonement has a few vague and short war scenes, but nothing that would point to action success.

Hanna, though, is what happens when you get a dramatic director at the helm of what is pretty much an action story: you get a real story. Sure, we’ve seen it before, but never with so much style and grace. Hanna is a character that is filled with pathos and true emotion, even though…well, that would be a bit of a spoiler. No, she’s not a damn robot. Shut up.

It really does help that Saoirse Ronan is a great actress. She takes what could have ended up just being Hit Girl: The Sequel (although, I’m all for that!) and makes Hanna into a vulnerable killing machine. She truly is just a young girl who, even though she doesn’t always understand why, just wants to hang out with boys and be friends with other young girls. But she has to be on the run and she has to keep killing. It’s not fair and the movie knows this.

(Speaking of Kick Ass, there is an acting connection to that movie: Jason Flemyng.)

Watch out for some very interesting imagery, especially towards the end. (I really want to go to that abandoned theme park in Berlin!)

The only real problem that I had with the movie was, unfortunately, Cate Blanchett. She did a great job. The fault is not hers. The writers just decided that she had to be a completely unrealistic, single-minded bitch. She was more comic book than the rest of the movie, which already seemed to have a bit of a comic book feel to it. But I think that she fell into the trap that a lot of comic book villains fall into: they’re not just unlikeable, they’re unrealistic for who they are supposed to be. This woman is a government agent, not Idi Amin.

There are also a couple of parts that just seem completely unrealistic. Hanna could not grab onto the bottom of a quickly moving Humvee while she is in a manhole without breaking her arms, no matter how strong she is. She’s not from Krypton. She also would not pick up the internet as quickly as she did.

Other than that, it was a very good action film with more drama than most action flicks could pack into three sequels.

**** (4/5)

Directed by: Jason Eisener
Written by: Jason Eisener/Rob Cotterill/John Davies

Back in 2007, a movie came out an hardly anyone noticed. That movie was called Grindhouse and it should have been a HUGE hit. Unfortunately, no one knew what to make of it. It was a double feature film made to look like a pair of 70s low-budget movies that were all about blood and action, complete with trailers of movies just like the two that were included.

The Alamo held a contest (as they often do) challenging people to make their own Grindhouse trailers. The winners were filmmakers from Canada on a break from their tv show, Trailer Park Boys.

Hobo With A Shotgun was an instant internet smash and people were calling for the full-length feature basically from day one. Now, finally, the time has come.

Every scene from the trailer is in the film, just bigger and with Rutger Hauer as the titular Hobo. He runs around the small Canadian town that is over-run with punks and crooked cops.

The Hobo meets a cute young hooker named Abby (Molly Dunsworth) and tries to help her get on the straight and narrow path while semi-reluctantly cleaning up the town. All he wants is a warm meal and…a lawnmower?

This is definitely one of those movies where the plot doesn’t really matter. If I was going to give the movie a star rating on the writing and the storyline, I would probably be a two-star flick. It’s badly written and has some of the worst one-liners in history.

Fortunately, it’s mostly intentional and it all makes for a much funnier and more awesome experience. It’s hilarious, gory and overall over the top. And that’s really all that matters.

If you’re into this sort of thing, you’re gonna love Hobo With A Shotgun. If you love Rutger Hauer, you’re gonna love Hobo With A Shotgun. If you only want to see good cinema…well, you should probably look elsewhere. This Hobo doesn’t want to sleep on your couch. He wants to fuck your momma and stick his shotgun right up your ass.

***** (5/5)

Directed by: Werner Herzog
Written by: Werner Herzog

Werner Herzog has a habit of making documentaries about pretty eccentric subjects. He’s been all over the world and made films about just about everything. Each subject he gives his own deadpan, creepy view of what’s going on.

This time out, he shows us the inside of one of the earliest places on Earth to be touched by humans. In 1994, a cave was discovered in France where the oldest paintings known to man were found. These paintings are somewhere around 33,000 years old. The cave was so pristine and the paintings so perfectly preserved, that the scientists at first thought that they were forgeries. Carbon dating, though, proved that they were beyond ancient.

This is the kind of film that every human should see and, if they are not touched in some way, they may not be considered human anymore. The first half hour, as Herzog was explaining the beauty of these paintings had me in awe of what I was seeing. The 3D (which was, unfortunately, not always effective) made things even more real.

The paintings are beautiful. Not in a Sistine Chapel way, but in a way all their own. They aren’t detailed in the way that we are used to now, but they are MUCH more detailed than the stereotypical cave drawings that we think of. The male lions had testicles. The running bison had eight legs to show motion. It was amazing to think of these prehistoric men figuring out how to do this.

And then there were the handprints.

A beautiful film in all ways. Go see this film and be amazed at what proto-humans could do. Then be amazed at how Herzog brought it to life.

THE KEY MAN (2010)

***½ (3.5/5)

Directed by: Peter Himmelstein
Written by: Peter Himmelstein

The festival seems to be backloaded with the good films.

The Key Man centers on Bobby (Jack Davenport), a once winning insurance salesman who is on his way down the ladder. He meets up with Irving (Brian Cox) and Vincent (Hugo Weaving), two men who, for some reason, need to get a “key man” policy for someone who doesn’t want to do it. They need Bobby to sign for him and give a urine sample.

Of course, they’re conmen and Bobby kind of starts to figure it out…but not until he’s in too deep.

The story is pretty decent, even if it’s based around a pretty big MacGuffin. (Who really cares about the key policy?) The acting, of course, is great. Hugo and Brian can do no wrong.

What is really the star here is the editing. The movie takes place in 1975 and the editing shows it. Like some movies of the time, there are split screens, wipes and all kinds of editorly tricks. By the time we get to a semi-chase scene, the split screen is on steroids and it really makes the scene more tense.

Certainly not a great film, but it’s a really cool conman flick that won’t take up too much of your time. Fun stuff.

INSIDIOUS (2011)

*½ (1.5/5)

Directed by: James Wan
Written by: Leigh Whannell

Every once in a while, Hollywood will put out a movie that I see a trailer for and think, “Oh, man! They’re actually making a movie that could be every bit as scary as Poltergeist or The Exorcist!”

Occasionally, they come really fuckin’ close. The Ring and The Blair Witch Project are about as frightening as I really need in my old age, but I keep hoping.

Insidious is not this movie.

James Wan (director of Saw, which should give you your first clue as to this movie’s “quality”) brings us the story of a young family of five moving into a new house…or a house that is new to them, anyway. They’re just about settled when the mother, Renai (Rose Byrne), starts to notice some crazy things happening. Then, their oldest son, Dalton (Ty Simpkins) falls into a coma. Doctors can’t explain it, so it must be supernatural, right?

Dear ol’ dad, Josh (Patrick Wilson), doesn’t buy the supernatural connection, but Gramma (Barbara Hershey, who had her own encounter in 1982′s The Entity) buys it wholesale. She calls in a specialist in the form of Elise (Lin Shaye). Elise is an old friend who is also a psychic/ghostbuster. She and her team determine that it’s not the house that’s haunted. It’s Dalton.

Dun dun DUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!!

The rest of the movie is basically Lin doing her best Zelda Rubenstein impression (except FAR more cheerful) and Patrick doing a damn good Craig T Nelson.

Here are some reasons why Poltergeist scares the pants off of just about anyone who watches it:

1) We identify with the characters. At different points in our lives, we are Robbie, Carol Anne, Steve or Diane Freeling. We get them. As kids, we don’t really know what our parents do, we just know that they work. We also know that they will protect us. As parents, we try to hold on to our own youth and are scared that we can’t always protect our kids.

2) The monsters are base fears for kids: clowns, old trees, moving, the aforementioned parents not being able to protect us, closets, fucking clowns, holes in the ground, mirrors and, of course, ghosts.

3) The movie knows how to scare you at different points in your life. Being a kid and watching that movie is deadly. Being a parent and watching that movie is scary as fuck.

4) Two words: Zelda Rubenstein.

5) The ghosts come out of our favorite thing: the tv! What’s fucking scarier than that?!

6) We don’t really see the ghosts until the end. They’re pretty much just bright lights or moving objects until the giant dragon thing is outside of Carol Anne’s door.

Why isn’t Insidious scary?

1) I didn’t identify with any of these people. Josh is a teacher who is afraid of growing old (early hint, by the way). Renai is a struggling musician. Sure, those things might be sort of relateable, but the characters themselves are no one that I care to know. They’re dumber than dirt. What’s the first thing you do when you hear a strange voice on your baby monitor? Well, you don’t just stand at the bottom of the stairs, staring at the monitor. You fucking run up those goddamn stairs! You do this LONG before the voice SHOUTS AT YOUR BABY!!

The kids are barely in it long enough for anyone to identify with them. There are two little boys and a baby. The baby cries and the other little boy disappears (along with the baby) pretty early on…off to Gramma’s. (Where they are at the end when Gramma is with the family is anybody’s guess.) And Dalton, of course, is in a coma for most of the movie.

2) Wan and company got one thing right, but I think that’s only because it’s become such a cliche of the ghost movie: the family moved into a new house. Other than that, unless you think that Darth Maul jumping out a closet is scary, you’re outta luck here.

3) Again, unless your kid falls into a coma, this movie probably won’t scare you as a parent. It might scare kids, though. I’ll give it that.

4) Lin Shaye is great. I love seeing her in movies. But she’s not creepy at all.

5) The ghosts are in the pretty normal places: behind doors, in the attic, falling out of cupboards. Sure, it’s scary, but nothing disturbing. Just cat in a closet scares.

6) The ghosts are everywhere in this movie. By the end of it, they are just another character in the movie. We’ve seen the guy with no lips so often that he might as well be Grandpa. The less said about Darth Maul, the better.

There are a LOT of cat in the closet scares in this movie. Unfortunately for James Wan, that does not make a good horror movie. You have to profoundly DISTURB your audience if you want to really scare them. Otherwise, it’s just another movie.

What I’m really trying to say here is this: James Wan is the McDonald’s of horror. His movies fill you up but, ultimately, they’re cheap knock-offs of the real thing that you don’t remember consuming ten minutes after you’ve done it. And they’re certainly not nourishing.

The most frightening thing in this movie is the fact that it is set up for a sequel. This is only surpassed by a shot of Josh in his classroom. Just over his shoulder, on the chalkboard, is a drawing of Jigsaw with the number “8″ under it.

AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I’m fuckin’ done with this guy.

THE CONFESSION (2010)

Directed by: Tanel Toom
Written by: Tanel Toom/Caroline Bruckner

What happens when two young boys find out that they have to start going to confession? Well, they decide that they need something to confess, of course. Unfortunately, the prank that one of them (the troublemaker) comes up with leads to a tragedy. Now they both have something to confess that’s bigger than they could have ever imagined. The good boy wants to tell everything, but his friend doesn’t.

This is a pretty adult story told through the eyes of children. Unfortunately, when something like this happens, we all turn into children. And when things go even further wrong, it’s hard for us to truly understand why.

Great performances from the two kids make this one rise above what could have been melodrama without end.

NA WEWE (2010)

Directed by: Ivan Goldschmidt
Written by: Ivan Goldschmidt/Jean-Luc Pening

This one ties with The Confession as the most harrowing of the lot. It concerns a small band of travelers in Burundi during their Civil War. A Frenchman and his assistant have to jump into a bus with some natives. They get pulled over in a small village and see just what happens when the soldiers don’t like the look of the folks in the bus.

The soldiers (one of them a child) keep looking at facial features saying that the Tutsis and the Hutus look different. Any rational human being can see that they don’t, but that doesn’t matter. They want to kill all Tutsis.

A great short that, even if it’s not the best of the five, will most likely win the award this year. It did prove, once and for all, that U2 saves lives.

WISH 143 (2010)

Directed by: Ian Barnes
Written by: Tom Bidwell

A teenage boy is dying of cancer. He’s visited by a man from what is basically the Make A Wish Foundation. But his wish isn’t for meeting a celebrity or seeing a famous landmark. He wants to get laid.

Who else can he turn to but his friend, the priest. (No, not THAT kind of priest, ya bastard.) The priest wants to help, but it’s not exactly his forte to help a kid get laid. He tries to talk him out of it, but how do you talk a teenager out of sex?

Just the right amount of sweet in a surprisingly funny in all the right places. If Na Wewe doesn’t win, this one probably will.

THE CRUSH (2009)

Directed by: Michael Creagh
Written by: Michael Creagh

A little boy falls for his teacher. When he finds out that she has a boyfriend and is about to marry him, he challenges the man to a duel.

To the death.

When the eight year old and the 28 year old meet, fireworks go off.

This is the antidote to The Confession. It looks like it’s going to go one way, then goes another. Then it goes another way. It even goes another way after that. And the kid is alternately sweet and scary…sometimes at the same time. Great stuff and definitely worth checking out if you get a chance.

GOD OF LOVE (2010)

Directed by: Luke Matheny
Written by: Luke Matheny

The funniest of the bunch, this is the story of a young singer who is in love with the drummer in his band. She, unfortunately, is in love with the bassist, the singer’s best friend. The singer prays for help, even though he’s not really a believer, and gets a special gift. He finds a box of darts that will supposedly make someone fall for the first person they see…but only for six hours, then it wears off. If they’ve genuinely fallen in love, they’ll stay in love. If they don’t, nothing has changed.

Predictable in all the right ways and very funny in even more ways, this was probably my favorite of the bunch. It won’t win, but it was certainly a great way to end the program.

ANIMATED NOMINEES

DAY & NIGHT (2010)

Directed by: Teddy Newton
Written by: Wayne Dyer

I really should have reviewed this when I saw it with Toy Story 3 but, for some reason, I didn’t. So, here goes.

A creature wakes up to a beautiful day inside of him. The sounds of the day are the sounds of his body. (Birds chirp as he yawns. A water fall shows up when he takes his morning leak.) He’s running along with the day when he runs into another creature with the nigh inside of him. The two fight for a bit until they realize that the day and the night both have amazing things to offer.

A super fun little short from Pixar (so, obviously, it will probably win) that shows how much everyone has to offer everyone else. It’s also a great experiment in animation. The backgrounds become the foregrounds within these two guys and are typically more important than the lead characters.

It’s on the Toy Story 3 DVD, so watch it there. I know you own it.

THE GRUFFALO (2009)

Directed by: Max Lang,/Jakob Schuh
Written by: Julia Donaldson/Jakob Schuh/Max Lang
Based on book by: Julia Donaldson/Axel Scheffler

As much as I loved Day & Night, I think this is the one to beat. It’s a rather long short (running nearly half an hour), but it doesn’t waste a minute of it.

It’s the story of a little mouse who manages his way through a dark and scary forest by telling all of the other, bigger animals that he’s going to meet a friend: The Gruffalo, a huge, scary creature that will eat all of the other animals for lunch. When they find out that he was lying…well, look for this one. It’s a lot of fun and could definitely give Pixar a run for their money at the end of the month. The characters are cute and charming and the voice acting (by Helena Bonham Carter, John Hurt, Tom Wilkinson, Robbie Coltrane and others) is perfect.

Check it out with the whole family.

LET’S POLLUTE (2009)

Directed by: Geefwee Boedoe
Written by: Geefwee Boedoe/Tim Crawfurd/Teddy Newton

I completely agree with the sentiment of this short, but I think it’s the weakest of the lot. It’s an instructional video telling us how much fun and how important it is for us to pollute as much as possible. It’s fun in an offhand sort of way, but it really felt like it was trying a little too hard.

Pixar connection alert! Many of the musicians are Pixar employees (including Pete Doctor) and Boedoe, Newton and Crawford worked on a lot of Pixar films. Is this a Pixar production? I didn’t see them in the credits, but it sure does smack of a lesser Pixar short.

THE LOST THING (2010)

Directed by: Andrew Ruhemann/Shaun Tan
Written by: Shaun Tan
Based on book by: Shaun Tan

My second favorite of the animated shorts, this one is about a boy who befriends a Thing that he finds on the beach. At first it looks like an ugly blob of metal and tentacles. As time goes on, though, you start to realize how cute the Thing truly is and how much of a personality it has. When he realizes that he can’t keep the Thing, he has to find a place for it to go. And that’s the really hard part.

The Lost Thing is a great little short about learning to love something and growing up. There’s magic all around us, but we just don’t always see it…and that’s too bad.

The animation is intricate and beautiful in its own strange way. Definitely something that makes me want to seek out the book just so I can have some stills from the short around.

MADAGASCAR, A JOURNEY DIARY (2010)

Directed by: Bastien Dubois
Written by: Bastien Dubois

Bastien Dubois took a trip to Madagascar and found a whole new world opening up right before his eyes. He decided to tell his story through some very interesting animation and a pretty non-linear style. He goes from one beautiful thing to another and can’t take time to breath.

It’s a great short that I’m not sure will resonate with everyone. But it really tries to show the beauty of another culture that we Westerners just don’t really know anything about.

HONORABLE MENTION

URS (2009)

Directed by: Moritz Mayerhofer
Written by: Moritz Mayerhofer

Urs has been taking care of his mother for many years, but he wants something more. He’s a big, strong young man, so he straps his reluctant mother to his back and takes off on a journey over a mountain to a better life. It’s a tough road, though, and it’s going to be tough on both of them.

Coming from any other country, this would have been a generational story. As it’s from Germany, though, it’s not just that. It’s also about how a country has to put its past behind it in order to move on to a better future. Yes, it’s been 65 years since WWII came to an end, but there are still scars upon Germany that need to heal.

According to the website, though, there’s an even different story going on here. It’s about whether it’s ok to change things for the better even when someone doesn’t want those things to change. In that case, the movie could be about the USA and our overbearing foreign policies.

There’s so much going on in this short film that I really do wish that it had been nominated. It could easily have knocked Let’s Pollute! out of the race. Unfortunately, it didn’t.

If you ever get a chance, see Urs. It’s a beautiful short with a lot to say.

THE COW WHO WANTED TO BE A HAMBURGER (2010)

Directed by:Bill Plympton
Written by: Bill Plympton

I saw this one at SXSW last year, so I don’t think I need to review it again. It’s Bill Plympton, so I love it.

That’s it for this year’s Oscar shorts. I’ll see you after the show!

****½ (4.5/5)

Directed by: Darren Aronofsky
Written by: Mark Heyman/Andres Heinz/John J McLaughlin

A few weeks ago, I saw this psychological horror film that was so hard to peg down that I just couldn’t seem to review it. Now it’s been nominated for an Oscar and I feel like I need to get a review up for it. Pardon me if it seems like I haven’t seen the film in a while. I haven’t.

Before we start dancing, there were a couple of previews.

LIMITLESS–Bradley Cooper is given a drug that allows him to use 100% of his brain. The world becomes his, but not without Robert DeNiro noticing and putting him to work for him. What happens when Bradley runs out of the drug?

Looks like a pretty interesting flick, even if I feel like I’ve seen the premise before. It’ll be interesting to see all of the “special powers” that Cooper gets in this version. And it’ll be interesting to see if DeNiro can still do a role like this after so many years as a Focker. I’ll check it out at least on video.

SUCKER PUNCH–I think I might already be in line for this one. Sure, it looks like another sexist girl power movie (by which I mean, a movie where women have power, but they still wear tiny skirts and little else), but Zack Snyder makes eye-candy at least interesting and, with the asylum backstory, this could actually have a little bit of depth. I really hope it’s good.

WATER FOR ELEPHANTS–This is a story that I’ve been interested in ever since I saw the book. No, I haven’t read it, but it takes place in a circus and, even though I’m not a huge circus fan, I’m fascinated by the life. Reese Witherspoon I can deal with. She’s very good when she wants to be. As long as I don’t have to watch one of her terrible romantic comedies. Christoph Waltz I’m all for being in anything he wants to be in. Robert Pattinson…um…dealbreaker? Jesus. I’m tired of seeing him in new Twilight movies every six months. Why do I want to see him in a real movie?

Well, maybe he’ll prove the detractors wrong and actually be good. So far, he hasn’t been good outside of Harry Potter, though. And, yes, he’s tried.

Ok. Let’s dance.

Let me first say this: If it weren’t for Aronofsky and Natalie Portman, I probably never would have seen this movie. I am not a ballet fan at all. The Red Shoes, one of the greatest films ever made, did absolutely nothing for me. That’s how little of a ballet fan I am.

Aronofsky did direct it, though, so I had my ass in a seat. And it certainly didn’t hurt that Natalie was there looking beautiful and super-talented…although she was WAY skinny in the film. Luckily, she’s put that weight back on. It mostly seems to be in the form of a baby, though.

Nina Sayers (Natalie) is a crazy woman. She just doesn’t know it yet. She’s so focused on success in her ballet company that she has no time for a real life. She’s never had a real boyfriend and sex is something that has always eluded her. Her mother (Barbara Hershey) doesn’t help matters by basically living out her dreams through her daughter. She’s a perfectly loving mother until Nina starts to find a life of her own.

That life comes in the form of bad girl Lily (Mila Kunis). Lily is a live-wire who, while not as good of a technical dancer as Nina, has more passion in her dancing than Nina ever seems to be able to muster.

Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel), the company’s leader, has noticed this, but he still gives Nina the lead role in his re-imagining of Swan Lake. (See? They do it in “high art,” too.) Not before making a quick pass at her, though. He wants her to be his new Beth (Winona Ryder). Beth was his “star pupil,” but she’s gotten too old. Time to trade her in for a younger model.

It’s hard for me to say that any of these actors has ever been better than they are in Aronofsky’s nightmare of dance. Vincent Cassel has always kind of annoyed me. Here, he is the very vision of smarminess and power…just like always, but better. Mila Kunis has never had a role that really showed that she could act until now. I’ve loved her in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and That 70s Show, but I always kind of saw those characters as her. Not a lot of acting going on. Here, she blows it out of the water. Barbara Hershey is Barbara Hershey. Has she ever been bad? And Winona doesn’t have a lot to do, but she does great things with the small role. She’s fuckin’ scary in the hospital room.

Of course, the star of the movie is Natalie. Always great, this is a tour de force. And I don’t use that word/phrase lightly. She’s fucking amazing. So meek, but so powerful. So frightening, but needing so much love. You don’t know whether to run from her or to her.

This movie is, overall, about obsession. Obsession with perfection and passion. Neither is a particularly good way to live, but the mix of both can be terminal. Aronofsky has made a career out of obsession (drugs, love, fame/past), so it’s no wonder that he was able to make this into something much greater than it could have been. Flashier than his last film (The Wrestler), but every bit as powerful, he just keeps getting better with each film.

There’s basically nothing wrong with this movie. It’s horrific and delicate…just like ballet.

Last thing: Kudos to the marketing team for the Art Deco style posters. Unfortunately, those aren’t the posters that are being used. That’s why I’ve decided to include all of them in this review.