***** (5/5)

Directed by: Danny Boyle
Written by: Danny Boyle/Simon Beaufoy
Based on book (and life) by: Aron Ralston

Before the awesome adventure, there were a few previews.

SOURCE CODE–Quantum Leap, The Movie! Jake Gyllenhaal stars as a military kid who keeps jumping into someone else’s body eight minutes before he dies. In those eight minutes, he has to find out who blew up the train this guy was on. Of course, he falls in love with the guy’s girlfriend (Michelle Monaghan). Moon was awesome, so I’ll definitely see this. The cast is just frosting on what should already be a pretty damn good cake.

THE LINCOLN LAWYER–Matthew McConaughey should probably stop playing lawyers. He’s done it a lot and I still don’t buy it. This time out, he’s defending Ryan Phillippe (something that also should never happen) in a murder case…but Ryan is most definitely guilty. William H Macy (sleazy long hair mode), Marisa Tomei, Josh Lucas, John Leguizamo and Bryan Cranston co-star, so there’s a great supporting cast. I just don’t have a lot of faith in the movie.

Ok. Let’s start hiking

I love to hike. If I had the time (and energy), I would do it FAR more often than I do. And, unfortunately, injuries keep me from really getting out there.

When I go hiking, I do push myself a little bit because I want to see more of the park I’m in. What I DON’T do is go into crevices that I don’t really fit into or drop 50 feet into natural pools that could have anything poking up from the floor.

Aron Ralston (James Franco), on the other hand, was a frustrated engineer who wanted to be a guide. He knew the Canyonlands National Park in Utah like the back of his hand and kept pushing himself every time he went out. This guy was no Alexander Supertramp.

The last time, though, he pushed himself a little too far and got himself trapped in a tiny canyon with his right hand pinned under a heavy rock. For 127 hours, he was trapped down there. The way he got out took balls, desperation and a pretty damn high threshold of pain.

If this movie had just been about Aron’s plight, it probably would have been pretty boring. Luckily, Danny Boyle uses it to show the story of Aron’s life (he flashes back a lot, like Aron probably really did for the entire 127 hours) and how selfish we have become as American individuals. We want to be so independent that we disconnect ourselves from each other. Aron didn’t tell ANYONE where he was going when he left. He hadn’t talked to his mother in a few weeks. He lost his girlfriend (Clemence Poesy) because he wouldn’t let her in. And now he’s stuck in this canyon because he wanted to be a loner.

When he finally screams out for help, that’s when his life changes. And that is what we all need. We need to understand our need for others. We can’t just be alone forever.

And that’s what 127 Hours is really all about. That’s what makes it a great film as opposed to an decent human interest movie.

It certainly doesn’t hurt that James Franco is a great actor who could portray these kinds of characters in his sleep. He embodies the crazed, passionate characters that he’s drawn to…partly because he IS that guy. He pushes himself with everything he does, whether it’s acting, directing, finishing school or acting in a soap opera.

He’s crazy, but kinda awesome.

This is one of those movies that will make you love your life…and your limbs. Even if you think that you can’t take the few minutes of gore, see the movie. It’s absolutely worth it.

MR. NICE

*** (3/5)

Directed by: Bernard Rose
Written by: Bernard Rose

Howard Marks (Rhys Ifans) was one of the most notorious drug dealers in England and one of the most famous people to ever come out of Wales. But he was such a nice guy that it was hard for anyone to really hate him. He was a family man, too. His wife, Judy (Chloe Sevigny) popped out babies like she was getting money for them.
What led to this life of crime? Fun. Not much more than that, from what Bernard Rose’s movie tells us. Howard was a straight A student and good boy until he started smoking pot. Then he started to find out how to import the drug. As long as he had fun doing it, he was going to do it.

I think the main problem with movies like this is Martin Scorsese. He’s pretty much perfected this genre. With Goodfellas, he created the perfect “fun gangster as family man” movie. He tried again with Casino, but even he couldn’t top himself.

Rose isn’t nearly as good of a filmmaker, so his Welsh version of Goodfellas just kind of falls flat. It runs everywhere and catches none of its goals.

This isn’t to say that it’s a bad movie. It’s just mediocre. Rhys Ifans puts in a good performance as the fun-loving, swingin’ drug lord. Chloe doesn’t have much at all to do as his ever-suffering wife. (In fact, we’re never quite sure if she hates his life or is indifferent to it.) The best performance is probably from David Thewlis as the true bad guy, Jim McCann. This guy not only deals drugs, but he’s a gunrunner. And he’s fucking insane.

One thing Rose did very well was capture the period on film. Not only did the film itself looks like it was shot in the 70s most of the time, but, instead of shooting new footage for outdoor shots and montages, he inserted the characters into stock footage from the 70s. They weren’t perfectly edited in, but it looked great.

Not a great film, but maybe worth seeing if you’re a fan of either of the male leads. Not so much if you’re a Chloe fan because she’s not given a damn thing to do.

ELEKTRA LUXX

*** (3/5)

Directed by: Sebastian Gutierrez
Written by:Sebastian Gutierrez

In this thrilling sequel to the Jennifer Garner actioner….

Um. No. Forget that. But this is a sequel, strangely enough.

Last year, Gutierrez brought Women In Trouble to South By Southwest. It nearly took the festival by storm (kinda), so he decided to do it again, this time focusing on (now former) porn star Elektra Luxx (Carla Gugino). She’s pregnant with a dead man’s baby, but she’s still super-hot and very sexual.

Elektra gets caught up with a young lady and her fiancee who are having some problems, a private eye looking for song lyrics (Timothy Olyphant), a couple who can’t seem to keep their hands off of other people and two girls who may or may not explore their sexuality together.

The movie is very episodic and doesn’t necessarily gel all that well, but there are some very funny moments and the characters are funny enough to keep us interested. It’s a silly little movie that’s not meant to be much more. I think it helps that the movie almost looks like a porn and that the actors are all putting on their best over-acting faces.

Gutierrez doesn’t show a lot of visual flair except in the dream sequences, which are mostly sexual fantasies. (The one with Emmanuelle Chriqui being the standout, although Carla Gugino is pretty much the perfect woman.) They’re not all that interesting as far as the style is concerned, but it’s a nice break as far as the story is concerned. It keeps up the kind of silly atmosphere that the movie is going for.

Really, though, the funniest parts were the parts with Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a video blogger who is obsessed with porn. He talks fast and furiously about the great Elektra Luxx and her career. Then his sister gets involved.

About ten minutes from the end, though, the projector broke down, so I have no clue how the movie ends. I could make up my own ending, but I somehow don’t think that it would do Gutierrez or his characters justice.

Instead of the end of the movie, we got a Q&A from Gutierrez and his cast of lovely ladies. This is when I realized that Joseph Gordon-Levitt was just doing an impression of Sebastian Gutierrez. The guy talks really fast and is incredibly funny. He called out SXSW about 100 times for having a crappy projector (all in good fun, of course) and seemed to have as much fun as possible with the situation. No matter what I thought of the movie (and I did like it, just not as much as I had hoped), I want to see more of his stuff because he’s so freakin’ engaging.

They plan on showing the film again, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to the screening. Hopefully I’ll be able to catch it on video or online when it gets released because I’m pretty interested to know what happens to all of the characters. Then again, I’ll still have to wait for the third in the trilogy, Women In Ecstasy.

**½ (2.5/5)

Directed by: Grant Heslov
Written by: Peter Straughan
Based on book by: Jon Ronson

Before I talk about crazy people, let’s see something about some REAL crazies.

THE CRAZIES–A remake of a pretty good George Romero movie that looks…um…yeah. Actually, the movie itself looks like it might be decent, but I’m not so sure after the worst use of the Donnie Darko version of “Mad World” EVER! That pretty much kills the trailer for me.

Now, let’s talk about goats.

We all know that the military does some crazy shit. Why else would they allow politicians anywhere near them and their equipment? But who knew that they were doing experiments with psychic abilities?

Well, maybe they were and maybe they weren’t, but I believe at least a little bit of what happens in this movie.

Lyn Cassady (George Clooney) is, most likely, a paranoid schizophrenic. But possibly, just possibly, he has some psychic powers that the military helped to develop throughout the 90s. When he runs into small-time reporter, Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor), in Kuwait City during the second Gulf War, he sees a guy who is psychicly linked to himself.

The two new not-so-much friends make it into Iraq to complete a mission. What’s the mission? Lyn won’t say. Where are they headed? Lyn won’t say. Bob just has to trust him. But that’s really hard when he keeps talking about cloudbusting and glitter eyes.

Lyn isn’t alone in his psychic weirdness. His superior officer, Bill Django (Jeff Bridges), is a federally sanctioned hippy. One of his co-workers (Kevin Spacey) is a supposedly gifted psychic who will stop at nothing to prove himself. And the rest of the troop isn’t much more functional.

This is one of those movies that, although I really liked it, I can’t really say why. It’s hard to tell where it is really coming from. The military is seen as a joke and war is hell and all that, sure. But the psychics and the hippies are stupid, too. The only person who isn’t a complete dumbass is Bob and he’s a little bit debatable. He’s following Lyn, after all.

I guess, besides showing us a ridiculous semi-true story, it’s just here to tell us that war is silly. But peace is hard to do without some violence.

Hell, I don’t know. The movie was really more of a series of really funny vignettes with these crazy characters than it was a complete story.

Why is this movie so fucking hard to review?! I liked it, but it just didn’t add up to very much. Not really. I think I’ve forgotten most of the movie already. And I guess that’s not a very good thing…but I still think it’s worth seeing.

One bit of really bad timing: there’s a scene with a guy shooting up a military base. I bet they’re regretting that right now. I could feel the tension in the theatre.

****½ (4.5/5)

Written by: Rob Sheffield

Rob Sheffield is one of those names that I’ve read for years. I’ve been getting Rolling Stone for almost 15 years now and always saw his name under the music reviews. I never thought too much of it, though. Never really put him above or below any of the other music critics in the magazine. (Although, I have to call his taste into question after reading that he though REM’s Document was “truly wretched.” It’s only one of the best albums of the 80s.)

So I was a little surprised to see his name attached to a book that a friend of mine told me that I had to read. I had no idea that this guy could write anything beyond a few paragraphs about how much an album sucked.

But, as with all critics, Rob is indeed a human being. And in 1997, tragedy struck his home when his young wife of five years suddenly died. And by “suddenly,” I do mean SUDDENLY. One minute she was talking to him as always, the next she was gone. Just like that.

The two had met in a whirlwind of music knowledge and love. They made friends over Big Star and fell in love to Marshall Crenshaw. And along the way, they both made mix tapes. Lots and lots of mix tapes.

The mix tape has been a right of passage for people since it became feasible back in the 70s. (Sure, reel to reel might have been the first “mix tape,” but who used it for that? Too fuckin’ hard.) Ever since the cassette was introduced, teenagers everywhere have poured their hearts into finding just the right sequence of songs to show how they really felt, either about another person or about an event. Everyone has a road trip tape, or a “Pissed Off At The World” tape. (That’s the only one I think I have left.)

Music does something to us. It transforms us and makes us one with each other, whether we like it or not. It brings back memories, good or bad. A movie uses a song during a scene that resonates with you, and that song ends up having the same meaning as the scene. Or maybe a song reminds you of a junior high dance. Or maybe it was used at a funeral for a friend. Just about any song you hear will have some memory attached to it.

For Rob (and for millions of people across the world), songs ARE people. They are so entwined with his wife, Renee, that he can’t hear them the same again. Big Star, Pavement, Hank Williams…all will forever be connected to Renee for him.

He tells his story through mix tapes. 22 chapters, 22 mix tapes. All full of memories. Whether they’re made from the radio, records, cds or him and his dad editing “Hey Jude” so that it takes up two sides of a tape, they are a part of his life just as the people once were. And through these tapes he tells the story of these people.

Especially Renee. The chapters after her death are, of course, the most emotional. His grief over the woman who made him a whole human being is more palpable than many other writers have been able to produce. I felt his pain more than I’ve felt some of my own pain. Maybe it’s because of his writing, but it’s probably because he actually lived it. Being a widow (he hates the word “widower”) at 30 isn’t right. It’s difficult to find anyone else who has gone through it. There’s no book about it…until now.

Anyone who loves music should take a look at this book. Anyone who has ever lost someone they love should take a look at this book. It’s sad, funny and full of life even when death is all around.

And just a note about mix tapes…we still call cds “mix tapes.” Isn’t that strange? The cds that the guys on the streets of New York sell are “mix tapes.” And the idea lives on with iPods and playlists. But there’s really something about a tape. I don’t use them anymore and probably never will again. But I think we’ve lost something because of that. Not only were they easier to put together, but they seemed more real. The quality was shit and they broke pretty easily or wore out, but, yeah. They were real.

I SLAMMED MY DICK IN THE DRAWER (2008)

Directed by: Jeffrey Brown
Written by: Jeffrey Brown

I started my day off with a short before RSO…the only short I saw all week! Blast!

I Slammed My Dick In The Drawer is about exactly what it sounds like it’s about. A guy accidentally slams his dick in a drawer. How, you ask? I’m not exactly sure even after the rather painstaking (and painful) re-enactment.

Told like a news story it almost does everything a short should do: it told its story and got out of there quickly. At four minutes it never seemed to outstay its welcome. But I can’t say it was particularly compelling. I kind of wish that I could, but I can’t.

His fiancee was pretty funny, though. “It’s the only dick I have…for the rest of my life.”

RSO (REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER) (2008)

***½ (3.5/5)

Directed by: Bob Byington
Written by: Bob Byington

Then came RSO. Tim (Gabriel McIver) has a secret problem. Ok, so by order of the Texas Judicial System, it’s not so secret. He is a registered sex offender.

He’s also a bit of an asshole. He jokes about everything (including his status in the government’s books) and doesn’t take his punishment seriously at all. Even in prison his anus was, as they say, distended and he just took it as a joke.

His girlfriend, Tina (Kristen Tucker), finds it funny at first. But soon enough she’s sick of it. In fact, everyone’s sick of it, including the neighbors he had to tell about his registration.

You may ask what he did to deserve this status. Even that doesn’t get a straight answer. He tells everyone a different disgusting story about little girls in bathrooms.

Featuring a cast of Austin regulars (including Kevin Corrigan, Richard Linklater, Bob Schneider and Bill Wise), Bob Byington’s film is a pretty funny mockumentary of one man using his defense mechanism so much that it nearly takes everything away from him. Maybe a tad overlong, it still keeps interest and has some really good laughs.

It also brings up a lot of good questions about the validity of the RSO program. You could have been an 18 year old guy who got caught by the parents of your 16 year old girlfriend and end up on the list for the rest of your life. Or it could have been a totally stupid mistake that really wasn’t your fault. Anyone could end up on the list. This sort of thing ruins lives.

Now, there are some real scumbags who deserve this treatment, no doubt about it. Child pornographers, molesters, etc…yes. They need to be humiliated and we should probably know where they are living so our kids stay away from them. That sort of thing doesn’t really go away. But do you want to ruin a guy’s life because when he was 18 he was attracted to a 16 year old? I’ll go ahead and answer that for you: no.

THE NIGHT JAMES BROWN SAVED BOSTON (2008)

***** (5/5)

Directed by: David Leaf
Written by: Morgan Neville

Now, from a guy who screwed up once to a guy who saved a town from being wiped off the map.

April 4, 1968 was a horrible day in America. One of the biggest leaders of the Civil Rights Movement was shot and killed in Memphis. That night, thousands of people across the nation decided to rise up in violence for retribution against the white world that they saw as the cause of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s assassination.

The next day would just get worse. Boston, however, had a secret weapon. If only the mayor had the guts to use it.

Luckily, he was talked into allowing James Brown to go ahead and perform and ended up using it as a memorial for the slain leader. What happened was proof that rock and roll can change the world, if only for a night.

David Leaf (Beautiful Dreamer, The Unknown Marx Brothers and The US Vs. John Lennon) documents the night and the events after in painstaking detail. He follows Brown in the years after the Boston Garden concert to show how political he got. He never spoke of that night again (in fact, he evaded questions about it in interviews by other people), but he became sort of a political leader after, sometimes to the detriment of his career.

An engaging musical history, The Night James Brown Saved Boston is a pretty important chapter, not only to music, but to civil rights. It’s airing on VH1 soon and Shout Factory will be releasing the DVD with the full concert near the end of the year. Look for it.

The concert, by the way, is absolutely enthralling. David and his crew just got the footage on Tuesday, so the version we saw wasn’t as cleaned up as it will be for broadcast. (James’ mic wasn’t very good because the people who were filming it had no clue how to mic a rock show. They were used to classical.) But the music is amazing and the moment people start storming the stage, James just takes command of them, knowing that if they get out of hand people at home will get out of hand. “Brothers! We’re black! Let’s work together. Let’s keep it together.” It was pretty beautiful to see. I can’t wait to see the whole thing.

JOY DIVISION (2007)

****½ (4.5/5)

Directed by: Grant Gee
Written by: Jon Savage

Moving ahead about 10 years, Joy Division was on the forefront of an entirely different kind of music. Hailing from the skeletal hulk that was Manchester at the end of the 70s, Ian Curtis, Bernard Sumner, Peter Hook and Stephen Morris would end up being one of the most influential bands of the New Wave/Punk movement. Ian, however, would not live to see their influence. After two albums and a handful of singles, Ian hanged himself in his apartment, the victim of depression brought on by anti-epilepsy drugs.

Grant Gee’s (Radiohead’s Meeting People Is Easy) documentary tells their story in their own words in a visually compelling way. Interviewing not only the band, but just about anyone who ever came in contact with the band, he puts it all together with bootleg videos of performances and other interesting videos. (Including the Sex Pistols’ show where they decided to start making music! I would LOVE to get my hands on that film.)

Gee also tells the story of Manchester in then and now pictures, which is very cool. Manchester is on its way back to being a truly modern city, but he shows us what it once was and why bands like Joy Division/New Order and The Smiths were so depressed about it.

The only thing missing is an interview with Deborah Curtis, Ian’s widow. She is quoted in some subtitles, but she is never actually interviewed. That may be because she had her say in her book, Touching From A Distance. It was turned into the excellent Control last year by photographer Anton Corbijn. Some of Corbijn’s photos are used in the doc.

This film would be a great triple feature with Control and 24 Hour Party People, Michael Winterbottom’s film about Tony Wilson, the man who basically discovered Joy Division along with just about every other “Madchester” band. I’ve always believed that Joy Division’s songs should be heard in black and white. These three movies (especially Control) prove this to be absolutely true.

LOVE SONGS (2007)

**½ (2.5/5)

Directed by: Christophe Honoré
Written by: Christophe Honoré

How ’bout a French musical?

Love Songs is the story of a manag a trois that loses a member. Ismael (Louis Garrel from The Dreamers), Julie (Ludivine Sagnier from Peter Pan and Swimming Pool) and Alice (Clotilde Hesme) have been together for about a month. Alice is the new addition to a long standing relationship and she is already putting a bit of a strain on it.

When tragedy strikes, Ismael and Alice have to pick up the pieces. They each fall into new relationships that may not be good for them, but help them get over their heartbreak and loss. Julie’s family tries their best to help Ismael by insinuating themselves into his life in ways that he sometimes doesn’t want.

The movie reminded me a bit of Moonlight Mile…but without all the messy emotion. Which is to say, I really didn’t give a damn about any of these characters.

But what of the music?

Yeah, what of it? I don’t remember any of it. It was so absolutely unmemorable that I almost didn’t realize that the actors were singing until about half-way through most of the songs. The actors obviously aren’t singers, which doesn’t usually bother me that much. But I seriously couldn’t tell when they were singing. And that kind of takes away from the enjoyment of a musical.

The moral of the film seemed to be that, “If your girlfriend dies, you will turn gay.” And, you know, whatever. That doesn’t bother me that much. But people seem to change their views on homosexuality in the middle. At first it seems like no one cares one way or another. Julie’s mother doesn’t seem to care if her daughter is gay or straight. When Ismael meets Erwaan (Gregoire Leprince-Ringuet), he never tells him that he’s not gay. It’s just never a question of taking that out of the equation. And I thought that was cool, actually.

Then suddenly everyone cares if Ismael is gay. And he’s all freaked out about it. It just seems to be at odds with itself.

The last French musical I saw was Jeanne And The Perfect Guy with Virginie Ledoyen. That one had some of the same problems, but it was so much better. I cared whether the characters lived or died at least. When Julie died I was surprised, but not shocked.

SHUTTLE (2008)

** (2/5)

Directed by: Edward Anderson
Written by: Edward Anderson

Shuttle, on the other hand, was totally shocking.

Ok. Maybe not. Not a bit, actually.

Mel (Peyton List) and Jules (Cameron Goodman) just got back from vacation and are waiting for their bags at the airport. They meet Seth (James Snyder) and Matt (Dave Power) and are immediately wary of them. They seem to just be out to get laid…especially Seth.

Soon enough, all four of them end up on a shuttle, along with Andy (Cullen Douglas) a family man with zero balls, to their homes. But it ends up being a shuttle to Hell!

Oooooh!

The driver (Tony Curran from League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen) ends up being a psychopath who robs them and forces them to take money out of an ATM for him. But he doesn’t let them go. He seems to have more sinister plans.

There’s lots of blood and intrigue and whatever, blah, blah, blah. But that doesn’t mean that this movie is the slightest bit plausible. First off, he trusts these people far too much. He lets Mel fucking go shopping! Sure, he tells her, “If you tell anyone or make a spectacle of yourself, I’ll kill all of them.” But will that stop her from passing a note to someone? Nope. Will it stop her from hiding a weapon away? No.

And this is the bad side of town that they’re driving through…where the fuck are the cops? Cops are always crawling all over that sort of place. Not to mention the fact that the shuttle itself is a little shady. “No more than 3 stops” it says on the side. What? Isn’t this a shuttle? Aren’t there about 10 seats? And what kind of airport shuttle takes you to your house? Yeah, it’s called a taxi.

At one point, the girls are forced to take off their clothes and put on high heel shoes. Fuck. I could put an ad on Craigslist and get plenty of girls willing to do that. No need to get a fucking bus to pick them up in.

There’s an explanation for (almost) everything, but it’s kind of a lame explanation. I like my horror movies without morals, thank you very much.

Hopefully writer/director Edward Anderson did better with the other movie at the Festival that he wrote, Flawless. I don’t know that Michael Caine and Demi Moore would have put up with this.

Oh, who am I kidding? Were they paid? Then they would have put up with it.

At the end of the movie, I said to my viewing partner, “The preceding four hours have been brought to you by some sicko’s fantasy.”

Blech.

So, that was my SXSW this year. I learned a bit. First off, Ryan Philippe and Justin Timberlake are the same person. (One just has a lower voice, but it sounds faked.) I will continue to believe this until I see them together with my own eyes. Second, no matter how hot a girl is, she’s ugly when she’s drunk off her ass. Being drunk doesn’t always excuse you from being stupid. And having someone rub your velvet jacket saying, “I’m just going to keep doing this and pretend it’s your penis” is NOT always a good thing.

Good night, everybody.

Not being good at anything seems to be a theme at this year’s festival. After The King Of Kong yesterday, now I see Skills Like This.

Max (Spencer Berger) writes some of the worst plays ever. We’re talking Vogon style, here. His latest, The Onion Dance, actually put his grandfather into a coma. After that, he decides to call it quits.

This is when things start to go his way. He finds out that he actually has a talent for something: robbery. He even meets the girl of his dreams at his first bank robbery. Lucy (Kerry Knuppe) is a very down to Earth, practical bank teller who helps keep everyone in line during the robbery. He meets her later in a bar and the two hit it off more than they probably should.

Max’s friends are just as strange as that pairing. Dave (Gabriel Tigerman) has a good job, but is totally uptight. His girlfriend, Lauren (Jennifer Batter) wants to fuck Max now that he’s robbing people. And Tommy (Brian D. Phelan)…well, Tommy’s just kind of a freak. He’s a typical jock type who is obsessed with his girly looking bike and figures that everything should be easy, including evading the cops after a bank robbery.

While not a great film by any means, Skills Like This does manage to keep the laughs coming for all of its 90 minute run time, something that a lot of the movies at the festival this year have had a problem doing. The characters are great and there are some awesome lines. Check it out if it manages to make it to a theatre/video store near you. It’s worth a few laughs.

EAGLE VS. SHARK

A friend of mine loved this movie. She saw it earlier in the festival and fell in love with the characters and said that it was MUCH better than she ever thought it would be.

The next time I see her, she’s dead to me.

Jarrod (Jemaine Clement) and Lily (Loren Horsley) are losers. Lily has lost her job at the local burger barn and Jarrod thinks that he’s amazing. He also has no social skills whatsoever. When the two meet, lint flies.

It really seems like Taika Cohen saw Napoleon Dynamite one too many times and figured that we were all ready for a New Zealand version of it. He also figured that we needed a version without any likable characters. Lily, who I guess is supposed to be the Napoleon character, is pathetic because of her complete devotion to Jarrod. And Jarrod is just an asshole. He’s such a dick that when he gets hurt towards the end, you’re kind of glad. I hated the guy and wanted him to get off the screen as soon as possible.

There were a few funny lines (“You’re a bitch and I hope you die of diabetes!”), but for the most part the movie was pretty well devoid of laughter. Not much in the way of good here.

GRIMM LOVE

A few years ago, a German man put an ad online for another man who would allow him to eat him. This is his story.

It’s also the story of Katie (Keri Russell), a girl who is writing a paper about the psychological ramifications of such a deal. Why did Oliver Hartwin (Thomas Kretschmann) want to eat another human being? And why did Simon Grombeck (Thomas Huber) allow him to do it? Eventually, Katie becomes completely obsessed with these mens’ stories and what led them to their horrific act. She starts to think that maybe, just maybe, she could be like either of them.

This is a very good film that shows us the inner thinking of a cannibal. The cuts between Katie’s life and the Oliver/Simon story show us just how closely related the two are. Maybe Katie ISN’T too far from them. Maybe we aren’t, either.

I loved how this film was shot. The scenes that take place in Oliver’s childhood are shot on old film stock and are very choppy. (All of this could have been done digitally, too.) It’s beautiful and creepy at the same time. Then the later story with the actual cannibalism manages to keep the gore to a minimum. Director Martin Weisz knows just how much we can take and when to string us along.

Check out this twisted fairy tale, but only if you have a strong stomach. The gore is minimal, but it’s still really intense. And there’s no comic relief to take you out of the story.

There is a more underground version of this story called Cannibal. I haven’t seen it, but from what I hear it’s a lot more gory and sensationalistic. This is supposed to be the better film. And it is very good.

So, what happens when you move to LA and your dreams don’t exactly work out the way you planned? You’re not the actor you thought you were. Or maybe you just haven’t had the chances you thought you would have.

Well, there is one solution that a lot of people take: become a superhero!

If you walk along Hollywood Blvd. near the Chinese Theatre, you will most likely be inundated with folks dressed as movie characters. Most are fine, some are ridiculous and some are just a little bit nutso. But they all have one thing in common: they work for tips.

This is the story of four of them: Wonder Woman, Superman, Hulk and Batman. All four have different stories and all four show a different aspect of the job. And they all try their best to abide by the rules. (Don’t go up to citizens, let them come to you. Don’t pester them for tips, but remind them that you do work for tips. Don’t cross the private/public property line.)

Superman (Christopher Dennis) is the most obsessed. He has what he says is about a million dollars worth of Superman memorabelia. His girlfriend is a psychologist. Go figure.

Batman (Maxwell Allen) is the craziest. He looks like George Clooney’s ugly brother and has a mysterious past that he alludes to, but won’t expound on. Did he actually kill someone? Does he have a trail of mangled bodies in his wake? His wife thinks not.

Wonder Woman (Jennifer Gehrt) is probably the most well-adjusted of the four and probably has the most chance of becoming at least a minor actress. She’s cute, young and at least a little bit talented. But her love life is a little strange.

The Hulk (Joe McQueen) also has somewhat of a chance, but we never actually see him act. He was homeless for a couple of years and now just barely scrapes by with the money he makes on the Blvd.

This is a great doc about people on the outskirts of society, but right in the middle of our pop culture. To some they’re a nuisance, but to some they’re providing a very strange service. We really get the feel for these folks and, even though they are a little bit on the odd side, I never got the feeling that they were being made fun of. Matt Ogens has managed to make us laugh, but not let us feel like assholes for doing it. We feel a little bit sorry for them, but we also know that they’re just making a living.

Check it out if you get a chance. It’ll give those “weirdos” on the Blvd. a whole new angle.

BORDERLAND

When Hostel was released a couple of years ago, we hadn’t really seen a movie like that since the 70s. And even then they were coming out of Europe.

Now, with Borderland, it looks like everybody is getting in on the action. And the strange thing is that it doesn’t feel like Zev Berman is just stepping all over Eli Roth’s toes. He’s made a movie that is all his own and, although comparisons are inevitable, it didn’t feel very similar at all. (Except for the fact that there’s an Achilles’ tendon shot to a guy wearing grey boxer breifs.)

This time, instead of going to Europe to be dismembered, we’re going to Mexico. The story, actually, is based on an actual case from about ten years ago when a bunch of kids went to Matamoras and were killed by cult members.

Ed (Brian Presley), Henry (Jake Muxworthy) and Phil (Rider Strong) decide to celebrate the end of high school by going to a border town to drink and get laid. Well, Henry and Phil want to do that. Ed is just along for the ride. But he ends up meeting Valeria (Martha Higareda) and actually forms a connection with her. Funny, that.

Unfortunately, Phil catches the eye of a cult member and all hell breaks lose. He is kidnapped and tortured, mainly by Randall (Sean Astin–Samwise, NO!!!!), the only white member of the cult.

It’s up to Ed, Henry, Valeria and an ex-cop (Damian Alcazar) whose partner was killed by the cult a year ago to rescue their buddy.

This was a very disturbing movie. Partly because of the movie itself, but also because I remember the case that inspired it. It was a pretty big deal here in Texas and it scared a lot of people from going to Mexico for a long time. In fact, when I went down there a few years ago, my family was still scared for me. Crazy, huh?

Is it better than Hostel? I don’t know. I liked Hostel quite a bit, so I think they’re pretty equal. There may be a bit more character development and it’s not as sensational, but they both have their good and bad points. The acting was good pretty much across the board and the bad guys were very menacing. And the torture scenes were really hard to watch.

And, really, isn’t that what we’re after here? Gore, a good story and characters we care about. And Rider Strong getting the shit kicked out of him. He seems to love being in these gore flicks, doesn’t he? Maybe he’ll make us forget about “Boy Meets World” soon enough.

Nah.

Then, just as quickly as we all thought about it, we forgot it again. Buy more Ikea! Accumulate more stuff!!

But, since Fight Club, Fincher has only done one film: Panic Room. And, even though it’s a quality film, no one really paid much attention to it. It wasn’t Lofty. It wasn’t Important.

But, remember: This is the guy who directed Alien3. Not everything needs to be Important.

Well, he’s back in his Important stage and even I think he’s all the better for it.

Zodiac is the story of the Zodiac Killer in San Francisco of the early 70′s. It’s one of the few truly unsolved serial killings in America.

But really it’s a story of obsession. David Toschi (Mark Ruffalo) needs to know who killed all of these people. So does Paul Avery (Robert Downey, Jr.) But, most of all, Robert Graysmith (Jake Gyllenhaal) needs to know.

Toschi is the lead inspector on the case. He and his partner, William Armstrong (Anthony Edwards) work on the case day and night and every lead takes them around in circles. Avery is a reporter for the San Fransisco Chronicle. He breaks some news that shouldn’t be broken to the public, but, even though he has some inside sources, he is just as blind as the police.

It all comes down to Graysmith (who wrote the book the film was based on), a political cartoonist for the Chronicle. He’s an Eagle scout and single father of two boys who just wants to look the killer in the eye. And he loves puzzles. So, when the killer starts sending the police and reporters cyphers to give them clues, he jumps in head first. And he sacrifices his relationship with his kids and a new girlfriend (Chloe Sevigny) in the process.

This is one of the more clever procedural dramas I’ve seen in a long time. We see everyone’s investigation. Both reporters and all three county’s policemen. And, at one point or another, every single character is singled out as possibly being the killer. Even, to some extent, Graysmith. That’s some talent to make you think that the author of the book is the killer.

The cast is pretty amazing from the principals to the smaller cameo type roles. Elias Koteas, Dermot Mulroney, Donal Logue, ian Cox, Philip Baker Hall, Zach Grenier (played the boss in Fight Club), Charles Fleischer (who the Scorpio killer in Dirty Harry always reminded me of), James LeGros, Clea DuVall…I can’t even begin to name everyone who is in this movie. (Although I did a pretty good job of it here.) There’s not a weak link in the cast.

Zodiac is the first Hollywood studio movie shot on the new VIPER digital camera. It looks pretty amazing. I would NOT have been able to tell that it was digital. In fact, I didn’t know until I started writing this review and I never even thought about it. Digital has come a LONG way in a very short amount of time.

And speaking of tapes, there was one thing that was REALLY creepy about this movie: The tapes that they used as the Killer’s phone calls. I have no idea if they were the real calls or not, but they sounded authentic enough and it helped add to the already creepy vibe a lot.

I also really like the repeated use of music. I won’t go into any details here, but listen for at least two songs being repeated at key moments. Then again, I love interesting use of music. It’s one of my little quirks.

Go see this movie when it comes out this weekend. It’s awesome. A little slow at times, but, overall, a very good film. I would actually like to see it again sometime soon.

Well, if it had been made in the 50s, maybe it would have been scandalous. She apparently didn’t have any problems with the MPAA this time. You see, full frontal female nudity is no big deal—sometimes. As long as the woman isn’t having an orgasm. Or something.

Anyway, enough bashing of the MPAA. Let’s get to the movie.

Most people know who Bettie Page was, but just in case you don’t, here goes. Bettie Page was one of the first great pin-ups. She was definitely the first well-known S&M pin-ups. She was demonized by the government, told that she was evil by the church and looked at behind locked doors by just about every man over the age of 12 all throughout the 50s. Then, just as suddenly, she disappeared into religious work. She is still alive and lives a secluded life in a location that she wants to remain a secret. After all, who wants to see Bettie Page old and fat? (Her words! Not mine!! Don’t hit!)

Mary Harron’s film is based on the first and more scandalous part of Bettie’s life. It follows her from her meager upbringing in rural Tennessee (is there any other part of Tennessee?), through her bondage pics and more “normal” modeling career, through her failed attempts at an acting career and, finally, to her decision to live for God.

Strangely, nothing is said of her later mental illness or her attempts to stab people. Maybe Harron wanted us to leave the theatre with a good impression of our favorite pin-up. But she also kind of glosses over some of her victimization. No, she was never a victim of any of the photographers. That, as far as she was concerned, was just dress up. It was pure fun and never meant for anything but pleasure. (As it should be.) But she was a victim of rape early in her life. And there’s a hint that she might have been a victim of incest…but someone pretty much had to point that out to me. I don’t know if I was tired or if it was just that well hidden. But it was a big factor in her life, so it’s a shame that it wasn’t really talked about in the film.

Gretchen Mol was very good, even if her body isn’t exactly Bettie-shaped. Bettie was a very voluptuous woman. Gretchen is extremely hot, but in a more modern, skinny way. Her face, however, is dead on. And she managed to keep the innocence that a girl of that age had, but still be in some very provocative S&M pictures.

A few people were bugged by the constant shift from black and white to color, but that didn’t bother me at all. I actually really liked that New York was shot in drab, grainy b&w and Miami in bright, vibrant color. It not only imitated the pictures that were taken of her in those cities, but it showed her outlook on life in the two cities. Everything just seems happier in Miami.

Not a great film, but certainly a good one. Maybe a little bit to episodic. And some sort of Animal House sum-up would have been good. But it did bring some good questions to the screen that seemed to be a theme this year at the festival. What is smut? Why stop doing something if it’s not hurting anyone? What is immoral? And why should the government step in when people are just having fun?

AMERICANESE

A couple of years ago I saw a film called Charlotte Sometimes. I really liked it. It was a great story about Asian-Americans trying to fit in within two different societies that didn’t necessarily see them as members. But, first and foremost, it was a love triangle. The “Asian agenda” (or whatever you want to call it) was there, but only for brief periods. It was an important factor in these people’s lives, but it wasn’t over-bearing. Writer/director Eric Byler had been living with those issues all his life, so he wanted to put them on screen. He also wanted to tell a story that everyone could relate to, and he succeeded.

I seem to be one of the few people who doesn’t think he succeeded quite so well with his second venture. Americanese won an award at the festival. I thought it was good, but extremely slow with some shots that took way too long to get away from.

It’s based on the novel American Knees by Shawn Wong…which, of course, I’ve never heard of. But here’s a brief rundown.

Raymond (Chris Tashima) is a full-blooded Chinese man who recently broke up with his Amerasian girlfriend, Aurora (Allison Sie). Their main reason for the breakup seemed to be because they didn’t understand each other’s cultures. When Raymond meets a fellow teacher, Betty (Joan Chen), his world starts to turn over, but not necessarily in a good way. Betty is pretty unstable, and in some very strange ways. By Aurora is always there.

The story is great and the acting is mostly awesome. I just wish that the movie hadn’t been so slow. There were long, lingering shots that really only started me thinking about what the inside of my eyelids looked like. And Betty was just about the most annoying character in any of the films I saw at the festival this year. But that’s probably less a function of Eric’s direction than it is Wong’s writing.

Like his first film, Americanese is a love story first. But it does raise questions about what it means to be a mixed race person in today’s world. And it definitely has it’s good points. It’s certainly not a bad film. It’s just not as good as I was hoping after the promise of Charlotte Sometimes.

Of course, I could have been extremely tired. That’s always a factor at festivals.

FAILURE TO LAUNCH–What the shit is this?! Matthew McConaughey is a loser who won’t leave home. Terry Bradshaw and Kathy Bates play his parents who hire Sarah Jessica Parker to “fall in love” with him to get him the hell out of the house. During the preview, my viewing buddy leaned over to me and said, “$10 says that he finds out and starts hating her, but she really fell in love, so she has to get him back.” American romantic comedies suck.

HOOT–A bunch of kids set out to save their local woods (and its owl friends) from becoming a mall. It’s heart is in the right place, but it looks kind of dumb. Of course, so did Holes and that was pretty good.

THE DA VINCI CODE–I really kind of wish that I hadn’t read this book before the movie came out. I might have been a little bit more excited about the movie. But now that I know the book is a little bit lower than mediocre, I know that the movie can’t be a whole lot better. But with Ron Howard and Tom Hanks attached I know I’ll have my ass in the theatre. One thing bugs me, though (besides Tom’s awful hair, of course): Why is the evil albino not played by Jake Busey?! I thought he had the patent on that role!

Yeah, that’s all I can remember at this point. It’s been a couple of days.

But now it’s time to tackle Malick. And a hard chore that can be at times.

We all know the story of how Pocahontas (Q’Orianka Kilcher) saved John Smith’s (Colin Farrel) life and they fell in love (or some reasonable facsimile thereof, considering the fact that she was about 14 and he was probably around 30-ish) and blah, blah, blah. What a lot of people don’t know about is how their relationship ended and her relationship with John Rolfe (Christian Bale).

The New World is basically the life story of Pocahontas as we know it. We don’t learn anything about her before John Smith and his crew came in contact with her, but it doesn’t matter that much. We see her through the eyes of Smith, and to him she is a mysterious young beauty who is also his savior. He is the captain of a ship of pilgrims coming from England. When he is caught by the “Naturals,” he is going to be killed. Pocahontas feels sorry for him and lays down her life to save his. He then stays with them for months while learning their ways and falling for the little girl who saved his life.

Time passes. Smith goes back to his company. His commander (Christopher Plummer) goes back to England for supplies. Winter hits. People die. Enter John Rolfe. Sort of.

Of course, that’s a really short, simplified version of what happens, but I don’t want to give away too much.

Terrence Malick is, for a guy who has only made four films in a 33 year career, very accomplished at the cinema of loneliness. From the loneliness of Nebraska and Kansas in the 50s to the loneliness of turn of the century north Texas to the loneliness of the Asian Front in WWII, he has excelled in showing how alone people can be even if they are surrounded by others. It’s no different for the pre-colonial Americans in The New World. As they are dying in the brutal winter of the north-east, he throws them into a world that has no concern for them. And Smith can find no solace in the beauty that surrounds him. Only in the arms of Pocahontas.

After Pocahontas meets John Rolfe, the loneliness only gets worse. The two are in a nearly loveless marriage while Smith is wandering England without his love.

Like all of Malick’s films, this one is beautifully shot. Each shot is like a painting and is obviously meticulously crafted. I don’t know if he will ever surpass Days Of Heaven in sheer beauty, but he keeps on trying and his attempts don’t disappoint. Of course there are long, pondering shots of trees and landscape, but that’s Malick. If you’re not into that sort of thing, you should probably steer clear of all of his films. But that would be doing yourself a disservice. All of his films should be seen at least once by anyone with even a passing interest in film.

With Plummer and Bale on board, I expected to see at least two great performances, but Farrel and Kilcher are just as good. In fact, Kilcher is a standout. For a 15 year old girl to give this good of a performance you have to wonder how much of it is Malick. It will be interesting to see if she is as good in her next projects. She’s been nominated for a few awards, so someone thinks she has a future. We’ll see.

How does The New World stack up to Malick’s other films? (Because you know we were all comparing.) I’ve liked all of them so far, but I still put Badlands on top. But, as much as I liked The Thin Red Line, I would have to say that this one is much better. The story is more prominent and well told. It was very hard for me to follow The Thin Red Line because so many of the people looked alike and we seemed to be following all of them at the same time and they were all equally important. The New World, however, is basically the story of three people. Everyone else is very good window-dressing. They help tell the story instead of being the story. We get a very good look at what it was like to be in pre-colonial America and we get interesting characters to latch onto. And that’s the most important part of filmmaking.

Definitely check this movie out if you have any interest in the filmmaker or the subject matter. It’s worth every minute. I’ll be in line to see the director’s cut when it comes out.