Professor Wagstaff

The second day of the Oscar movies seemed to be the slow day. Sure, it started and ended with a bang, but the three in the middle were pretty damn slow.

I actually even skipped the first movie. I’ve seen Up at least twice, maybe more. It was absolutely one of my favorites of the year and, possibly, even the one that I think should win Best Picture. It won’t, but I think it should.

You can read my review here.

Let’s get right into the first one I saw today.

A SERIOUS MAN

Directed by: Joel Coen/Ethan Coen
Written by: Joel Coen/Ethan Coen

Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg) tries to be a serious man. He takes his marriage seriously. He takes his kids seriously. He takes his job as a physics professor seriously. And he takes his Jewish faith seriously.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean that things won’t fall apart on him. In the same week that he’s up for tenure at his school a student tries to bribe him for a passing grade, his wife tells him that she’s leaving him and seeing Sy Ableman (Fred Melamed), his brother (Richard Kind) is having some sort of crisis and his son is having his bar mitzvah. How could things possibly get any worse?

When the Coens are in charge of a retelling of the story of Job, you know that things will get worse. This is and isn’t a typical Coen Brothers film. First off, it’s a very personal film. It’s about Jews in suburbia in the late 60s…just as they were. It deals very closely with their religion and the way they grew up. It’s also the story of a man who loves his faith, but he’s about to lose it because so much is falling apart around him.

As always, the Coens manage to make someone else’s pain very funny. It’s not as laugh-out-loud as something like Raising Arizona or The Big Lebowski, but it’s still a comedy. Larry is a schmuck. He’s a loser. He’s a schlemiel. No doubt about that. But there’s something so pathetic about the guy that it’s hard not to really push for him and want things to work out. Stuhlbarg is amazing in this role and absolutely deserves all of the accolades that he’s gotten from this performance. Also better than expected was Richard Kind. He can be a pretty funny guy, but I’ve never seen him try anything else. He was very good here in what could have been a one-note role.

Also watch for Micheal Lerner and Adam Arkin in small roles.

I’m not a Jew, so it’s hard for me to really relate to a lot of this film, but I think I might understand my Jewish friends a little bit better after seeing it.

A lot of my friends who saw this movie with me hated it. Mainly it seemed to be because of the ultra-ambiguous ending. The thing is that they pretty much tell you that the story will have an ambiguous ending about mid-way through the film. And, really, there is no other way for the film to end. I loved it. It may actually rank up with some of the Coens’ best work. Just know that you’ll have to work some stuff out for yourselves.

THE HURT LOCKER

Directed by: Kathryn Bigelow
Written by: Mark Boal

“War is a drug.” This film starts with those words. Then it takes the next two and a half hours to prove it to us.

William James (Jeremy Renner) is the new guy on the EOD team. Unfortunately for the other two guys, he’s also the leader. Sanborn (Anthony Mackie) and Eldridge (Brian Geraghty) are actually scared when he takes over for their former leader (Guy Pearce). Is this guy going to get them killed?

In the RL, the answer to that question would be yes. Actually, no. It wouldn’t This guy would have been fired before he finished his first day on the job. He’s a complete dumbass. He puts on his suit and walks out to disarm a bomb, even after his team tells him that they have robots to do just that. Then he goes out, disarms the bomb and starts yanking on other cables that he finds with no real regard as to whether they might be attached to other bombs. Seriously? I would fire this guy and I wouldn’t know the first thing about disarming a bomb.

Barring that, though, this is a movie and, even though my friend who actually did this kind of work in Iraq called the movie pure fantasy, I’m here to grade it on its merits as a film, not its accuracy…of which there really isn’t much at all.

James is a down to earth guy for a guy who yanks on bombs all day for a living. He does his best to get to know his team and the people around them. He even befriends one of the kids who sells DVDs to the troops. (Right here, I thought, “Dammit. I’m seen MASH. I know what’s going to happen here.”)

The movie doesn’t necessarily have much of a through-line story. There’s no single villain except for the faceless Iraqis who are placing the bombs and shooting at our heroes. It starts 39 days before they’re done with their tour and ends basically at the end of those 39 days. It’s just a string of bomb disarmings put together to form a character study of the guys who do this incredibly important job. Luckily, the characters are interesting enough to hang this film on.

Is it a great film? Meh. I don’t really think so. I think it’s very good, but it’s not great. Maybe what ruined it for me is that even I am smarter about disarming bombs than these guys were. Or maybe it was the fact that I’ve seen a lot of war films, so I knew a lot of the tricks that Bigelow and Boal were pulling on us. (Although, they did kind of pull one new one with the kid. Kind of.) They do know how to build suspense, though. Those disarming scenes were pretty fucking tense. Definitely the best moments of the film.

Definitely worth seeing, possibly even buying. I wouldn’t say it’s Oscar worthy, though. I think everyone loves it so much because it gets into the heads of these guys…unfortunately, they don’t have anything new to say about their plights.

It’s still better than Bigelow’s ex-husband’s movie.

AN EDUCATION

Directed by: Lone Scherfig
Written by: Nick Hornby
Based on memoir by: Lynn Barber

England in the early 60s was a MUCH more permissive place than America in the early 10s, apparently. I spent this entire movie thinking about how strange it was that a couple were perfectly ok with their 16 year old daughter dating a nearly 40 year old man.

Jenny (Carey Mulligan) is just such a 16 year old. She meets David (Peter Sarsgaard) outside of her orchestra rehearsal when he offers her cello a ride when it’s raining. The two hit it off and, eventually, start dating. Meanwhile, her parents (Cara Seymour and Alfred Molina) don’t seem to have too many problems with this older man taking her all over town.

Times were different then, though. They were looking to get Jenny married partly because it would save them the money of sending her to college at Oxford. (They’re not quite that cold, but that is a big factor.)

David’s friends, Danny and Helen (Dominic Cooper and Rosamund Pike), seem to have some secrets. Come to think of it, so does David. He’s really good at coming up with reasons for Jenny to come with him on weekend trips. And how does he make his money?

Basically, this is a really good (and more complex) version of Mona Lisa Smile. Jenny fights for her right to have a real education without having to be married off. I mean, why even bother if you have to give it all up when you get married, right? Even her headmaster (Emma Thompson) doesn’t seem to understand that Jenny wants to do something besides get married OR teach. (At the time you couldn’t really do both.) Although, she wants an English degree and, unfortunately, there’s not much else that you can do with that besides teach. Sad, but true.

An Education is a very good movie but, again, not so Oscar worthy. There just isn’t anything new here…except for the creep factor with the major age difference.

DISTRICT 9

Directed by: Neill Blomkamp
Written by: Neill Blomkamp/Terri Tatchell
Based on short film by: Neill Blomkamp

I’ve seen District 9 before, but I really wanted to see it again on a big screen. The main thing I wanted to make sure of was my original assessment of the special effects. Luckily, I was right. They are better than Avatar’s.

Wikus (Sharlto Copley who should have been nominated for an Oscar) is a weasel of a man. He works for the MNU, a munitions company in South Africa who pretty much rule the nation now that the aliens are here.

The aliens (“Prawns” to the racist humans) came 20 years ago and seem to be stuck on Earth. South Africa did what they always do: they put the folks who look different into a slum and made them separate and unequal. The aliens live in squalor that they aren’t allowed to get out of and now the MNU wants to move them to a concentration camp.

Wikus is sent in to serve the Prawns eviction notices. He has fun with it at first. He’s just as bad as the rest of the humans. He thinks the Prawns are slime, worse than animals.

Then something happens. Something horrible and amazing. He starts to turn into one of them. As he’s treated worse and worse by his own kind, one of the Prawns, Christopher Johnson as he’s called by the humans, starts to treat him better. Christopher is  a father and just wants to get his people home.

What’s so amazing about this movie is that the CGI creatures are actually more human than the humans. Christophe and his son are much more appealing than Wikus is. As Wikus turns more and more Prawn, he starts to become more human.

I love this movie. It’s not just a morality play about racism and human nature to hate what it doesn’t understand, but it’s a great gore-flick, too. The effects and gru are pretty amazing. The Prawns mix in with the human world far better than the giant blue smurfs of Avatar and the story makes more sense.

So, that’s all of ‘em. All TEN of the Oscar nominated films. What do I think of the choices?

Well, I absolutely think that it could have been whittled down to five. In fact, these ten could be whittled down to even less to let in some more worthy films. Of the ten here, I think that Up, A Serious Man, District 9 and Up In The Air are the best. I love Inglourious Basterds, but I’m not sure that it’s better than those four. In its place, I would put either The Fantastic Mr. Fox or Where The Wild Things Are. There. I said it. That was a great film.

What should win? Up. Hands down, Up was the best of these ten (or twelve) films. It won’t win, but it should. What will win? Most likely we’re down to either Avatar or The Hurt Locker, two of the films that I don’t think belong. It will probably be The Hurt Locker, because it’s more of an issue film. It’s also MUCH better, so I guess I won’t be TOO terribly upset if it wins over Avatar. I just wish that they would give the award to the movie that actually deserves it. Up will win Best Animated Feature and that will probably be it.

That’s too bad, but unsurprising. We’ll see tomorrow night, though!

Directed by: Tim Burton
Written by: Linda Woolverton
Based on book by: Lewis Carroll

When I heard that Tim Burton was directing a new version of Alice In Wonderland, I knew that I would be in line for it. I also knew that about 14 billion Hot Topicers would be in line, too.

I wish it had been better.

Let’s hit some previews first, though.

TRON LEGACY–You know, the original movie is not that great. Seriously. It’s slow and a little boring, but I like it. Hell, I own it. Not because I grew up on it. No, I didn’t see it for YEARS, actually. All I remember from when the movie came out was the game. This just means that I’m not as attached to the original as a lot of people of my generation are. This doesn’t, however, mean that I’m not going to see the new one. I’m all for it. Jeff Bridges as his current self AND his younger self? There. The effects look just as cutting edge as the original’s did back in 1982. And the music? Daft Punk. I’m so there.

TOY STORY 3–Do I really need to say it? It’s Pixar and it’s Toy Story. I’m there.

DESPICABLE ME–Steve Carell as the #2 super villain in the world and a piss-ant geek taking his place in the #1 spot. Looks pretty funny in a Spy Vs. Spy way. I’ll check it out at some point.

Ok, let’s get back to Underland.

Alice (Mia Wasikowska) has grown up and has no idea what happened in Wonderland. Wasn’t it all a dream? So, when she falls down the rabbit hole again after being proposed to by a weaselly little guy, she has no idea what to think of all of the talking mice, disappearing cat and, most of all, the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp).

The problem is, they need her help…very badly. The Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter) has taken over and her tyranny knows no bounds. She’s quite mad and very insecure about her huge noggin. Her sister, the White Queen (Anne Hathaway), is also a little bit mad, but is much more benevolent. The animals love her (probably mainly because she has vowed to never harm them) and she rules fairly.

That’s about the whole story right there. I guess there’s a bit of a search for self with Alice not truly knowing who she is or if she’s “the real Alice,” but that seems secondary to the weird characters.

Maybe that’s as it should be in an Alice In Wonderland movie, but I really want a story. Especially if it’s going to take place after the events of the story that we all know.

Speaking of which, this is going back to the original source material, more so than just about any version since America McGee’s video game. This means that we don’t know as much about the original story as we think we do. All of the versions before this focused on the whimsy of the story and not the subtext or the darkness. This one focuses on that darkness and even twists it up a bit. This is a fucking WAR! The problem is that Burton and Woolverton think that we know the actual story and kind of start us right in the middle. Maybe it works a bit because Alice is starting in the middle, too, but it didn’t work so well for me. I felt like I was missing a LOT of the references.

Really, the only great thing about this movie are the visuals and some of the performances. Burton knew exactly how he wanted this movie to look and he did it…and it looks amazing. Wonderland is beautifully stark and wasted world full of crazy creatures and pottier people. The 3D adds to the effect, but it isn’t essential.

The other thing that I wouldn’t change is the acting. All of the side characters are great. The Cheshire Cat (Stephen Fry) is creepy, but cute. The Caterpillar (Alan Rickman) is also pretty creepy, but in a more philosophical way. (No one says, “Stupid girl” like Rickman.) The March Hare (Paul Whitehouse) is hilariously crazy. Bonham Carter is perfect as the maniacal Red Queen and Crispin Glover is suitably slimy as Stayne, the Knave Of Hearts. Listen also for Michael Sheen a the White Rabbit, Timothy Spall as Bayard, Barbara Windsor from the Carry On films of the 60s as the Dormouse and Matt Lucas as the Tweedles.

But, seriously, Johnny Depp outshines them all. In fact, the movie doesn’t pick up at all until he shows up. It’s pretty boring for the first 20 minutes. Then he adds some depth to what could have been a pretty think-less role. Typically, the Mad Hatter shows up in a scene or two and then disappears like so much Cheshire Cat smoke. This time, though, he’s a BIG part of the story…and that’s a very good thing. Although, with his eyes (I’m hoping) digitally widened, he looks like a spooky Elijah Wood. That’s kinda creepy.

The less said about the dance with the completely incongruous music at the end, the better.

Not as bad as Planet Of The Apes, by any means, but certainly not Burton’s best work. I would put it as one of his weakest, and that’s too bad. Alice In Wonderland seems like the kind of story that he could do a lot with.

Part of the problem is that Burton doesn’t have any particular attachment to the material. While that’s not always a bad thing (see Star Trek), with this sort of thing it’s not so good. Here it ends up being some almost decent fan fiction, just without the Johnny Depp/Crispin Glover yaoi.

Thank Hitchcock for that.

Once again, AMC theatres are showing all of the Oscar nominees. This time, though, since there are 10 of them, they have to stretch it over two weekends.

Pussies.

Anyway, they showed a few previews before Avatar because it’s still playing and we just watched the movie the way everyone who paid a normal price was seeing it.

PIRANHA 3D–Ok, ok. I guess I’ll go ahead and see this. It looks like total crap, but I’ll check it out. BUT it wasn’t filmed at Aquarena Springs, so I’m not sure if I care.

ROBIN HOOD–I don’t care if this is the 4,984th version of the Robin Hood story. It’s Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe and it involves action instead of pure romance. AND it looks to be more realistic than a guy running around in tights or a couple of foxes. I’m for it.

SHREK FOREVER AFTER–Sigh. I will always give this series a chance, although I haven’t officially seen all of the third one. What I saw of it was almost funny, but not so great. This time, Shrek is plunged into a world where he and Donkey never met, Fiona is an outlaw and Puss is fat. I’ll see it at some point. Just not sure when.

KNIGHT AND DAY–Damn you, Tom Cruise, for choosing interesting projects. I so like hating you, but I always want to see your movies. Here he plays a mysterious dude who shows up in Cameron Diaz’s life, shooting people the whole way. Is he a secret agent? Or is he a terrorist. Oh, yeah. It’s a comedy that actually looks to be pretty funny. GODAMMIT!

SALT–Angelina Jolie is accused of being a Russian spy by a Russian defector. Wait…the Russians? We still care about them? Does this take place in 1984? It doesn’t look like it. But Angelina is hot (brunette AND blonde!) and there’s lots of action. It looks pretty interesting. I’ll take a look.

AVATAR (a second look)

Directed by: James Cameron
Written by: James Cameron

I know that I’ve already reviewed this one, but I also kind of wanted to see it again. I kept falling asleep during my first viewing (it was BNAT, after all) and I knew that I had missed some things.

Sure enough, I did miss some things…like the entire beginning of the film. I don’t remember ANY of that.

Basic story rundown, just in case you don’t know anything. Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) is headed to a new world. He’s a paralyzed Marine who is taking over for his dead twin brother. The brother was going to “drive” and Avatar on Pandora, a planet that is nothing if not completely hostel to humans. Unfortunately, it also has an element that we need called wecantfinditum…or theresnotenoughofitum. Wait, no. It’s called unobtanium. I’m not kidding.

Pandora is peopled by tribes of Navi. They are very tall blue creatures who live like Native Americans and have a very strong connection to everything on the planet. They don’t full understand that the “sky people” will kill them for something that means nothing to them. Grace (Sigourney Weaver) has been trying to educate them and study them. Colonel Quaritch (Stephen Lang) and Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribisi) just want the unobtanium. Killing the Navi means nothing to them.

Oh yeah, the Avatars. Those are bodies that Grace and her team have developed for the humans to link into so that they can a) survive in the environment of Pandora and b) blend in with the Navi. Jake’s DNA is just like his brother’s, so he’s able to drive his Avatar. He goes out onto the planet, gets lost, finds Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), falls in love with her and goes native.

Chaos ensues.

I liked the movie better the second time around, but it’s still Dances With Ferngully. My main problem with it is Cameron’s strange disability to create villains. Avatar and Titanic both have the same problem: their main villain isn’t human. A friend of mine says that he knew guys like Quaritch in the military, but I like to think better of humans. This guy is a sociopathic Terminator. It’s not that he’s driven to do his job. It’s that he enjoys killing. He wants to destroy and nothing less. Even when everyone else (including Selfridge…nice name, by the way) looks like they can’t believe what they’ve done, Quaritch is drinking coffee and celebrating a job well done. Childrens’ blood on his hands? Meh. All in a day’s work.

He is a terrible person and I think that if he had had even two dimensions he would have been more interesting. As it is, he was hard to watch and made me actually dislike the movie. He’s FAR worse than Billy Zane’s over dramatic Cal Hockley in Titanic.

Of course, the visuals were amazing and the 3D worked perfectly. I think that District 9 looks better, but we’ll get to that movie next week.

Let’s move on to the first film that I hadn’t seen.

UP IN THE AIR

Directed by: Jason Reitman
Written by: Jason Reitman/Sheldon Turner
Based on book by: Walter Kim

Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) really digs being alone. He never wants to get married, have kids or have any real connection with anyone. All he really wants to do is collect millions of frequent flyer miles on American Airlines.

That is, until the reason for his constant flying is nearly taken away. You see, Ryan fires people for a living. He flies from place to place letting people go. He travels almost 300 days out of every year. The time he spends at “home” in Omaha is, he feels, time wasted. His true home is in the air.

Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) ruins all of that. She’s a young girl who comes into his firm and tells his boss (Jason Bateman) that they could save money by doing everything over video chat. Ryan, of course, tells him that the job needs the personal touch of an actual person being there. So Ryan ends up taking Natalie on the road with him to show her exactly why this is true.

Enter Alex (Vera Farmiga). Or, rather, Ryan enters Alex. (Hehehe. I’m 12, by the way.) The two of them have a bit of a tryst before Natalie joins Ryan and plan on meeting up again…and again….and again.

Will Ryan finally decide that he needs to start making real connections in his life? Will Natalie learn what it means to need to be there with someone? Will Ryan go to his younger sister’s wedding?

This was probably my favorite movie of the day besides Inglourious Basterds. Reitman is great at mixing humor with deep seated human emotions, pulling us into these strange peoples’ lives and then showing us how we’re all really just like them. Strangely, he makes us at once want to travel and settle down at the same time with this one.

Clooney is his normal charming self here, but there’s a depth to this character that I haven’t seen from him in a while. He’s kind of unlikeable, but I felt some true sympathy for him. Anna was the same way. She has a stick so far up her ass that it’s almost hard to like her until something bad happens to her and we finally see some emotion…and she loosens up a bit.

Definitely one of the best films of the year. My only complaint is how much of an American Airlines commercial it seemed to be, but I guess a guy like this would probably have loyalty to one airline, so it only makes sense.

By the way, this is the first movie of the day to feature Young MC’s “Bust A Move.”

PRECIOUS

Directed by: Lee Daniels
Written by: Geoffrey Fletcher
Based on book by: Sapphire

I refuse to keep calling this movie by its full name: Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire. What the fuck? Why would they name it that? Why not just call it Push?

Anyway, Precious (Gabourey Sidibe) is a young inner city girl who has no future. It’s 1987, she’s poor, black, 16, fat, nearly illiterate and pregnant. Not only is she pregnant, but she’s pregnant with her dad’s baby…the second child he’s given her. Her mother, Mary (Mo’Nique), is a complete bitch who keeps telling Precious that she stole her man from her. She verbally and physically abuses her daily. She’s not too nice to her Downe’s Syndrome granddaughter, either. Even her own mother is scared of her.

Precious ends up being sent to an alternative school and is taught to read and write by Ms. Rain (Paula Patton). Also on her side are her social worker Ms. Weiss (Mariah Carey) and, eventually, Nurse John (Lenny Kravitz).

This is pretty much the most depressing movie ever made. Precious’ life is so fucking bleak that it’s hard to imagine anyone getting out of the hole that she’s in. She manages to escape in her own fantasies where she is a huge star and has a good looking guy staring at her all the time. But these are fleeting and typically end with Mary throwing water on her face or someone hitting her.

Of course, this doesn’t make it a bad movie. It’s a really fucking good movie with some amazing performances. (Who the hell told Mariah Carey that she was allowed to suddenly be able to act. It’s crazy, but she’s actually really good!) Gabby and Mo’Nique deservedly were both nominated for Oscars. It would be pretty cool if they both won, but I bet they’ll just pick one of them.

It would be great if we could be told that this sort of thing doesn’t happen anymore, but the whole reason for the book and movie is to let people know that this sort of thing happens all the fucking time. Harlem, Detroit, LA, Memphis, wherever. Young girls are being abused into believing that they are worthless, horrible people. Fuck that. Things need to change…but how do we change them?
This is quite possibly the only good thing Tyler Perry has really had anything to do with besides Star Trek…and I barely count that as something he had a damn thing to do with.

THE BLIND SIDE

Directed by: John Lee Hancock
Written by: John Lee Hancock
Based on book by: Michael Lewis

Really? This was nominated for Best Picture? Wow.

Michael Oher (Quinton Aaron) is a young inner city boy with no future. It’s the mid 00s and he’s poor, black, 17, fat and nearly illiterate. His mother is a drug addict who has lots of kids whom she barely knows anything about and can’t keep track of whose father is whose.

Wait…didn’t I just see this movie? The Blind Side is the same fucking movie as Precious! Why am I watching this again?!

Ok, it’s slightly different. This time, the way out isn’t necessarily alternative schooling (although Michael does get enrolled in a Christian school because he’s athletic), but football and a nice white couple. Spitfire mom Leigh Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock in what is probably her best role ever) takes Michael under her wing and makes him a part of her family. Her husband Sean (Tim McGraw) is just kind of along for the ride. She really does wear the pants. He just bankrolls everything. Their two kids SJ (Jae Head) and Collins (Lily Collins) get close to Michael pretty quickly, especially SJ who starts calling him his big brother right away.

Eventually, they find a way to make this gentle giant good at football and the rest, as they say, is history. It’s a true story of a guy who still plays for the Baltimore Ravens.

The Blind Side is a really good Lifetime movie of the week, but with MUCH better acting and slightly better writing. Other than that, I have no idea why it’s among the 10 best films of the year. It just doesn’t make much sense, especially since there’s already a much better movie just like it. I guess they just needed something to lighten to load of Precious.

To be fair, though, the acting is really good. Sandra is way better than I would ever expect her to be and Quinton is great. He doesn’t talk much, but he says a lot. (Apparently, the real Michael Oher was a little annoyed that he was portrayed as such a pussy who knew nothing about football. He was already playing before he was enrolled in the new school. Oh well. I guess it made for a better movie? I dunno.) The little moppet that they got to play the little brother was really funny, too.

Not great, but decent. Worth a look if you’re looking for an inspirational sports drama that’s better than Rudy.

Also, this is the second movie to feature Young MC’s “Bust A Move.” What’s up with that song this year?

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

Directed by: Quentin Tarantino
Written by: Quentin Tarantino
Based on: every war movie Quentin has ever seen

I’ve reviewed this one, too, but I can’t resist saying something about it again. I loved, loved, loved this movie. It’s a fun movie about torturing Nazis and helping Jews get their revenge.

One thing I noticed this time out was the great big smile Eli Roth got on his face when Brad Pitt said the word “torture” during his big introduction speech. Torture porn lover.

That’s actually all I’m going to say about this one. My original review pretty much covered it and I’m really fucking tired.

So, I’ve basically knocked two movie out of the running. Avatar and The Blind Side do not belong. Next week I’ll let you know what my final decision is on which five should have been nominated and which five should have been completely ignored by Oscar.

See you at the theatre! I’ll be right behind you.

I love that Magnolia Pictures has started doing this program lately. Until last year, most people never had the opportunity to see the shorts that were nominated. Some of us could have seen a couple of them at festivals, but hardly anyone would see all of them. So, yeah. This is awesome.

KAVI

Directed by: Gregg Helvey
Written by: Gregg Helvey

Slavery is a terrible thing. So I think it’s about time we have an Oscar winning short about it!

Kavi is a young boy in India and he is a slave. His family are slaves. All of his friends are slaves. And their slavemaster is the owner of a brick kiln.

Oh, and this is present day, not 100 years ago.

Slavery is still very much in effect in much of the world, we just don’t hear about it as much these days. But a short film about it starring who is probably the cutest little boy in all of India will bring people to tears and make them fully aware of the plight of slaves all over the world.

Kavi is a very good short, but it’s not the best of the bunch. It will, however, win the Oscar because it is the most “important” of the shorts. So, here it is: the winner. Right up front.

THE NEW TENANTS

Directed by: Joachim Back
Written by: Anders Tomas Jensen

Peter and Frank (Jamie Harrold and David Rakoff) just moved into a high rise apartment building. They’re bickering like any couple, but their lives are about to change when they find out that the last tenant was killed in the apartment. Then Vincent D’Onofrio shows up. Was he the killer? Or was it Kevin Corrigan? Either way, Peter and Frank are starting to think that they moved into the wrong building.

I’m not really sure what this short “meant,” but it was really good. I just kept thinking, “What the fuck is going to happen next? Who could possibly save the day here? Will anyone save the day? ACK?!”

MIRACLE FISH

Directed by: Luke Doolan
Written by: Luke Doolan

Sometimes a weak gift can make all the difference. Joe turned 8 today and his dad gave him a Miracle Fish, one of those little red cellophane fish that curl up in your hand to tell you “yes” or “no.” Even most 8 year olds think they’re pretty lame.

Some kids make fun of him for getting a bad gift, so Joe runs off to the nurse’s office (sick bay to the Aussies) and falls asleep. When he wakes up, everyone is gone. Was it aliens? Was it a mysterious disease? Joe doesn’t care. He gets everything from the tuck shop that he wants for free!

Unfortunately, there is someone else in the school with him. Can the Miracle Fish stop him in his tracks?

This may actually be my vote for the best of the lot here. It has an Issue in it, it’s just not as big as slavery, so it won’t win, but it is a very good short with some great acting and a very harrowing ending.

THE DOOR

Directed by: Juanita Wilson
Written by: Juanita Wilson

A small Russian town is evacuated in the dead of night. They aren’t even really sure why.

On the flip side, one man is trying to get back into the town? What’s he doing? Why is he getting a door?

This, to me, was the saddest and most depressing of the shorts. Yes, slavery is sad and depressing, but no one died in Kavi. They probably did later, but not in the film. Unfortunately, I don’t really want to say too much more. It was very good, though.

INSTEAD OF ABRACADABRA

Directed by: Patrik Eklund
Written by: Patrik Eklund

Luckily for all of us, they saved the funny one for last. Otherwise I think we would have left the theatre and slit our wrists.

Imagine if Napoleon Dynamite had wanted to be a magician. That’s what Instead Of Abracadabra was really about. Except here, Napoleon is 24 years old and still lives with his parents. So, I guess he’s like Kip.

From the first moment of the film, we were laughing. And I don’t think we really stopped until the end. A really funny short with some very funny performances.

FRENCH ROAST

Directed by: Fabrice O Joubert
Written by: Fabrice O Joubert

When you’re sitting at a coffee shop, a lot of people come and go. Especially if you forget your wallet and have to stay there for a long time out of sheer embarrassment. That’s what one French man learns. He meets a homeless beggar and a strange old nun…with a secret.

French Roast is a really funny short, but it may have been my least favorite of the bunch. Not quite up there with Pixar (but who is?), but still better than a lot of other animated shorts I see. Lots of good sight gags, though.

THE LADY AND THE REAPER

Directed by: Javier Recio Gracia
Written by: Javier Recio Gracia

When an old woman wants to go see her long dead husband again, you should probably let the Reaper have her. Otherwise, you’re just a douchebag doctor who only saves people to impress the hot nurses.

Very funny, but again, not exactly Oscar worthy, I don’t think. Maybe it’s because of the Issue at hand. That MUST be why it was nominated.

GRANNY O’GRIMM’S SLEAPING BEAUTY

Directed by: Nicky Phelan
Written by: Kathleen O’Rourke

These first three are really funny, but I just don’t see how they’re Oscar worthy. It’s weird.

This one is about an old lady who tells her granddaughter the story of Sleeping Beauty, but she puts her own spin on things. Her version is about how the young fairy godmothers just forgot about the old fairy godmother and how the old one got her revenge.

Funny and a little bit on the scary side. I’m for it. It’s pretty hilarious, but maybe not as amazing as it probably should be to be here.

A MATTER OF LOAF AND DEATH

Directed by: Nick Park
Written by: Nick Park/Bob Baker

NOW, we’re talkin’! A new Wallace And Gromit short is absolutely a reason to celebrate!

Wallace (Peter Sallis, as always) and his ever suffering dog (and brain), Gromit, are bakers now. But someone is killing the bakers of the town. It looks as if they’re trying to get a baker’s dozen. Who could it be?

Meanwhile, Wallace meets his dream girl, Piella Bakewell (Sally Lindsay). She and her dog pretty much move in, much to Gromit’s chagrin. Something’s not quite right with Piella, though. Could she be the baker killer?

Hilarious, of course. Nick Park can pretty much do no wrong. And it’s been so long since we’ve seen the boys that they could show them pooping on a shingle and that would be enough for an Oscar nod. Fortunately, though, Nick and the rest of Aardman Animation have given us a pretty damn good short. Maybe not as good as their past endeavors, but still worthy of the stamp. Love those guys!

LOGORAMA

Directed by: H5 (Francois Alaux/Herve de Crecy/Ludovic Houplain)
Written by: H5 (Francois Alaux/Herve de Crecy/Ludovic Houplain)

As much as I love Wallace and Gromit, this is my pick for the best of the bunch.

A couple of cops are taking a break when they find out that a serial killer is in their midst. They go after him with great abandon. He doesn’t care who gets in his way, not even little boys. He’ll kill ‘em all!

Yes, this is a BIG ACTION FILM! But that’s not all it is: it’s a great commentary on American consumer culture. Just about everything is made of product logos. The cops are Michelin men. The kids are mostly Bic logos. The two main boys are Big Boy and the Haribo kid. All of the buildings, trees and cars are made of logos, past and present. The serial killer is Ronald McDonald.

I loved everything about this short and want to see it again, post haste. I need a pause button.

The rest of the films are not nominated, but they’re “Highly Commended.” I agree. In fact, I would probably put them in instead of the first three. Two of them, at least.

PARTLY CLOUDY

Directed by: Peter Sohn
Written by: Peter Sohn

I think I reviewed this one before. It’s the Pixar short for the year. It was shown before Up and, while it wasn’t as good as that feature, it is still really freakin’ good.

Babies have to come from somewhere, right? So, they must come from clouds and the storks who fly among them. One cloud, though, only makes the dangerous babies. Sharks, alligators, electric eels, rams…they all come from this guy. And the poor stork who has to take them to their parents is frazzled beyond repair.

It’s a story of danger and friendship and it’s really freakin’ good. And who doesn’t love a baby eel?!

THE KINEMATOGRAPH

Directed by: Tomek Baginski
Written by: Tomek Baginski

This was actually my favorite of the lot. It’s the story of a man who is obsessed with creating the first moving picture, but he has to have it perfect. He already has it moving AND he has sound, but he wants color. He’ll get it, no matter the cost.

But will he give up his beloved wife for it?

No, it’s not just because it’s a play on film history, although that doesn’t hurt it at all. This is a heartfelt and beautiful little film. The sepia color, the animation, the story…it’s all perfect. Why was it not nominated?

RUNAWAY

Directed by: Cordell Barker
Written by: Cordell Barker

This one was just funny, much like the first three. A train with two cars (one high class, one low class) hits a cow and it starts a chain of events that leads to…well…see the film and see for yourself. It’s funny as hell from beginning to end…and even a little bit sweet.

So, that’s it. All of the nominees and a few extra. Now, when is Magnolia going to start showing the Documentary Shorts? Can we make that happen? Hmmmm?

Directed by: Joe Johnston
Written by: Andrew Kevin Walker/David Self
Based on 1941 screenply by: Curt Siodmak

The Wolfman cometh. And you can’t stop him.

Unless, of course, you have a silver bullet. Then you can stop him post haste.

But first, some previews.

COP OUT–Um, what’s wrong with Kevin Smith? I think I’ve reviewed this preview before, but I think it bears repeating: this looks like the worst movie ever. Kevin was on his way back and now he’s working with fucking Tracy Morgan? Fuck off. Not seeing this one.

GREEN ZONE–This really may as well be The Bourne Mission or something. It looks pretty awesome. Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass, together again. This time, they’re bringing Brendan Gleeson, Jason Isaacs and Greg Kinnear along for the ride. I’m there.

THE BOUNTY HUNTER–Would someone tell Hollywood to stop putting Gerard Butler in romantic comedies? And I like Jennifer Aniston, but she needs to be stopped, too. This is Midnight Run with a less appealing cast…and less laughs. God, that movie was great.

KICK-ASS–Yeah, I’ve seen this one, but I don’t care. I can’t say enough good stuff about it. GO SEE IT!!!

IRON MAN 2–Yep. I’m there.

Ok, back to the lupus movie.

I think we all know the basic story here. Lawrence Talbot (Benicio Del Toro) comes back to town to help find his missing brother, only to find that he has been killed under mysterious circumstances. His father, Sir John Talbot (Anthony Hopkins), is just as mysterious, but seems to be loving enough…in his way. The brother’s fiancee, Gwen (Emily Blunt), easily begins to fall for Lawrence, but not before his is bitten by the mysterious circumstance.

You see, there is a werewolf afoot. Sure, no one truly believes it except the gypsies. But Detective Abberline (Hugo Weaving) has his suspicions, and they all center on the Talbots.

This could very well be my favorite old-school horror remake in a long, long time. They have basically taken the character back to his roots. He is a man who is turned into a wolfman, not a full-on wolf. His clothes stay on. He walks on two legs a lot of the time. This is the gothic horror film that The Wolfman was always meant to be. In fact, I would say that, if this movie does well, Hammer has a very good chance of making the comeback that we all know that it should have.

That being said, there are a few things that keep it from being a perfect film. There are a LOT of “cat in the closet” scares. They, for the most part, work, but a few less would have been much better. Just let the mood (which director Joe Johnston does a surprisingly good job of creating) carry the film more than jolt scares.

Second, I love Benicio. He’s an amazing actor. But, for some reason, he’s kind of awful in this movie. I don’t know what the problem was, but he really phoned it in this time. It’s as if he really didn’t care about what was going on around him, and that’s unfortunate. With a better performance, maybe some of those jolt scares would have come off better.

But the movie is carried off very well other than that. Hopkins, Blunt and Weaving put in some great performances and Rick Baker’s makeup effects were amazing, of course…when they were allowed to shine. At times the CGI took over and it wasn’t as fluid or believable as I would have hoped. (CGI bear? Hmmm.) But the first big melee scene at the gypsy camp was pretty much perfect.

Speaking of Baker, the transformation scenes were amazing. Baker kept with his work with American Werewolf In London and made it look as fucking PAINFUL as possible to turn into a werewolf. That’s what made him so revolutionary to being with and it’s what makes him amazing still.

If you’re a fan of the old gothic horror films, Hammer or Universal, go see this movie. Don’t think it’s going to be an Oscar winner. But do go thinking that you’ll see some amazing creature effects and a decent story. And Anthony Hopkins being super-creepy and awesome.

Directed by: Chris Columbus
Written by: Craig Titley
Based on book by: Rick Riordan

I can’t really say that this movie was on the top of my list of “must sees” for this season, but I’m always up for a good flick in the ever-expanding world of “young adult” fiction…as long as it doesn’t deal with shiny vampires.

Before I get to the movie, though, let’s check out some trailers.

THE KARATE KID–Do we really need a remake of this 80s classic? Well, someone thinks so. And, if they’re gonna do it, they may as well give Jackie Chan a job that doesn’t make him look like a fuckin’ tool. I’m not so sure about Jaden Smith, but whatever. He’s a decent enough actor. And there’s a pretty funny gag at the end of the otherwise serious trailer, so hopefully the movie has a sens of humor. I might check it out.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND–I kinda can’t figure this one out. Alice (Mia Wasikowska) is grown up? And coming back to Wonderland? And the Red Queen (Helena Bonham-Carter, of course) has taken over? And the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp, of course) is a major player? WTF?! Whatever. I’m there. It’s Tim Burton doing what he does best: big and weird. AND it looks like Danny Elfman is back with him! AWESOME!!! One big question, though: Why the hell does Johnny look like Elijah Wood?

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID–Nope. Not so interested. Yeah, there are some funny bits in the trailer, but it smacks of “all the funny parts are right here.” Uninterested unless I hear some pretty amazing things.

Ok, back to those Olympians.

As I said, I didn’t have a real hankerin’ to go see this movie, but my young ward was invited to a midnight screening because he was a part of Camp Half-Blood, a fantasy camp built around the world of Percy Jackson and his friends. His mom couldn’t take him, so I came to the rescue.

Here are the reasons that I wasn’t too excited:

1) I know that the studios are DESPERATELY looking for another Harry Potter. This could be it if it’s done right, but most likely it wouldn’t be.

2) Chris Columbus directed it. Sure, he started the Harry Potter franchise, but he had the good sense to step aside and let real directors take over after a while. Will he doe the same here? Will he make the same mistakes here that he made on the first two HP movies? Most likely.

3) Having never read the books and, actually, barely even hearing of them except for the aforementioned kiddo raving about them, I wasn’t very invested in the story.

All that didn’t dissuade me from seeing the movie. It just didn’t make it something that I was clamoring for.

Luckily, the movie wasn’t terrible. It was actually kind of fun.

Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman from Hoot and Gamer) is a bit of an outcast at school. The only place he ever feels at home is under water. He can hold his breath for up to seven minutes, but he has no idea why. His buddy, Grover (Brandon T Jackson, Alpa Chino from Tropic Thunder!), doesn’t understand it, but he just kind of goes with it.

Percy’s home life isn’t much better than his school life. He loves the hell out of his mom (Catherine Keener, who seems to be making a career out of playing moms of disaffected kids lately), but his stepdad (Joe Pantoliano) is a complete ass. “The beer isn’t gonna magically go from the fridge to my hand, is it?” Jackass.

Eventually, though, Percy finds out exactly what’s “wrong” with him. A trip to the museum tells him exactly who he is and where he’s really from…and where he should be.

The rest of the film involves a bolt of lightning that was stolen from Zeus (Sean Bean), a Hogwarts-like camp for children of gods (Camp Half-Blood) and a cross-country trek to find the entrance to Hell to find Hades (Steve Coogan).

Like the Harry Potter movies, there’s a great supporting cast of adults here to keep the kids hopping. Besides Bean and Coogan, there’s Uma Thurman, Pierce Brosnan (who I REALLY wanted to have a scene with Sean Bean) and Rosario Dawson. They all do a pretty good job with what they’re given. Most of them, though, aren’t given a whole lot. I think Brosnan gets the best role as Percy’s teacher at the Camp.

It’s pretty easy to keep comparing the story to Harry Potter, but really what it reminded me of even more was Neil Gaiman’s American Gods. It’s as if Riordan had read that book and the HP books and wanted to mix the two into a kid-friendly story. And, honestly, if the book is as much better than the movie as my little buddy says that it is, I’m all for it. The movie did what it was probably supposed to do: it made me want to read the books. (There are five in the series.)

Oh yeah. There were kids in the movie, too, huh? They were alright. Logan is a bit on the emo side, honestly. He’s got the swoopy hair that’s messed up in back that kind of bothered me through the whole movie. I kept expecting him to burst out into Good Charlotte songs or something. Brandon was pretty hilarious as Percy’s protector. Some of his lines were pretty risque for a kid’s movie. He seemed to want to have sex with anything that moved and had a vagina, especially in the Lotus Casino. And then there’s “the love interest.” Alexandra Daddario as Annabeth fits the role of Athena’s daughter perfectly. She may not be the greatest actress in the world, but she’s decent and has eyes that you could get lost in. I think that’s about all the role really calls for.

It’s a fun flick. Sure, if you’ve read the book, apparently you will hate the movie. But if you haven’t, just kind of let things go and have some fun with it. I’m interested enough to read the book and, possibly, see the sequel when it comes out.

Directed by: Scott Cooper
Written by: Scott Cooper
Based on book by: Thomas Cobb

When your truck runs away from you and your dog stalls, where else can you turn but country music? How about these trailers?

THE GHOST WRITER–Man, Roman Polanski’s in a lot of trouble these days, huh? Well, let’s see how that translates into box office for the last movie he may ever be allowed to direct. It looks like a pretty run of the mill thriller about a writer (Ewan McGregor) who is hired to write the bio of a politician (Pierce Brosnan). Good? I’m sure. Amazing? Probably not. But I’ll see it.

DATE NIGHT–Another one that I’ll probably check out on video. Steve Carell and Kristen Wiig are a couple who take another couple’s table at a posh restaurant and then get stuck in the middle of a heist or a murder or both. The trailer looks pretty funny, but I have a feeling that the movie sucks balls. I like Steve and Kristen, though, so I might give it a chance later on. Yay for Netflix! I don’t have to feel guilty about ANYTHING!
GREENBERG–Noah Baumbach hasn’t made a bad film in a while. Give him time, though. He’s only made a few recently, so he’s got PLENTY of time to start on his Mr. Jealousy trend again. Greenberg, though, looks like another really good one. Ben Stiller (don’t leave yet!) is a loser who moves from NYC to LA to housesit for his brother. Jennifer Jason Leigh is the love interest and co-wrote the script. I’m for it!

Now, how’s this broken-hearted movie?

As a rule, I hate country music. It’s just not my thing. I have a few exceptions, but they tend to be people who are already dead or are, unfortunately, probably close to it. Because, honestly, the last time country was good was in the 50s. Johnny and Willie kept it going through some pretty hard times. They kept it going through Kenny Rogers, for Waylon’s sake! Why do you think country-rock was king in the 70s? The Eagles and Linda Ronstadt were WAY better than any of the bullshit coming out of Nashville (or wherever country was coming from) at the time.

I say that upfront to let you know that, really, this is not a movie that I would have been clamoring for if it weren’t for Jeff Bridges, Maggie Gyllenhaal and the one man who can lately get me interested in the music in a country-centric movie, T-Bone Burnett. He knows what country is actually all about and doesn’t get stupid hat acts to pump their wares in movies that he has anything to do with.

Be that as it may, I was in the audience and I’m glad I was.

Bad Blake (Bridges) is a lost man. He wrote plenty of huge hits back in the day, but now he’s basically forgotten. The only people who remember him are the older folks who remember the glory days and, to some extent, the kid he helped make famous with his songs and a string of duet albums, Tommy Sweet (Colin Farrell).

On Bad’s way around the Southwest, he meets Jean (Gyllenhaal), a young reporter who wants to interview him. Could she be his salvation? Or will his alcoholism and self-destructive behavior be too much for her and her little boy? Will Tommy ever show his true thanks to the old man who made him what he is today?

Bridges portrayal of a man on the downward spiral of life is pretty amazing. Imagine The Dude as a real person. (Director Scott Cooper even uses the same angle that the Coens did at one point to show how far Bad has fallen.) Now give him a reason to dig himself out of the whole that he has dug for himself. Now imagine him fighting with himself the whole way. ADD to that the fact that he does all of his own singing and you’ve got Oscar-bait all over the place. He’s great, as always, and deserves every bit of the hype that he’s getting for it.

Maggie is every bit as good as a young mother just trying to keep a good man good. The rest of the supporting cast manages to keep up with them, too. Robert Duvall is great as the sage-like bartender/best friend in Houston. James Keane is slimy, but caring as Bad’s manager. And Colin is…well, actually he’s kind of a weak link. His singing is ok, so it’s not that. I think it’s the fact that he never seems to look his mentor in the eye. He acts like he’s putting on a show at all times. And maybe that’s the point, because those douchebags ARE always putting on a show. He always has his head down and looks out of the top of his eyelids like he’s trying to be “humble,” but still a rebel. It’s a horrible trend started with people like Dwight Yoakum in the 90s.

So, maybe Colin was perfect. But he was annoying me. And I like the guy. I actually don’t think he’s a terrible actor like a lot of people think. But he kind of annoyed me in this.

Now, let’s talk about the music. Not being a fan of the genre, it’s hard for me to be totally into the music. BUT it’s T-Bone, so I know it’s good. It’s definitely a cut above most of the crap I hear from “country” artists these days. And “The Weary Kind” definitely deserves it’s Oscar nom. It’s a very good song, especially when sung by someone with a world weary voice like Jeff. (When youngster Ryan Bingham sings it, it loses a LOT of its power. Still not bad, but it needs to have an older voice on it.)

My only real beef with the movie is really the ending. There’s a point where I really think that if it had ended there, it would have been a fucking masterpiece. As it is, though, it’s the Hollywood version of The Hank Williams Story. Luckily, though, the story, characters and script are good enough that I can overlook the semi-tacked on ending. It’s not a bad ending, by any means. It just kind of seems like something that the studio dreamed up because the story was so bleak.

Either way, it’s a great film with a lot of great performances and some very good music. Check it out and see the performance that is going to finally win Jeff Bridges an Oscar.

Another year, another penis-polishing that the Academy needs. And so begins the Oscar season.

This time out, though, they’ve changed the rules a bit. Instead of a special five films being chosen (or, more to the point, four great films and one filler), they’ve decided that we need TEN films in the Best Picture category. So now it’ll be four great films, four filler films and two terrible films.

Sigh. What hell hath they wrought? All so they can sell more tickets and DVDs. Whatever. Let’s get on with it.

BEST PICTURE

• Avatar
• The Blind Side
• District 9
• An Education
• The Hurt Locker
• Inglourious Basterds
• Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire
• A Serious Man
• Up
• Up In The Air

Avatar? Really? Sigh again. Sure, it’s a decent movie, but is that really what we want for an Oscar nominee? Decent? No. We want great.

There’s some greatness here. Up is absolutely great. District 9 is absolutely great. Inglourious Basterds is pretty great. Aaaaand, I haven’t seen the rest of them. Dammit. I can, however, tell you which ones would NOT have been nominated if it weren’t for this “rule of 10.” Blind Side would not be here. Up, unfortunately, would be relegated to only Best Animated Feature. A Serious Man is a borderline case. No one really saw it, but it’s about a Jewish guy, so that could have saved it. Inglourious Basterds would have been left off because it’s Tarantino and he’s not allowed to win even when he’s amazing. (I give you Pulp Fiction losing to Forrest Gump as exhibit A.) District 9, although a great film, is too violent to be on a five film list. And Up In The Air would have probably been knocked off because it’s too light…although Juno was here last year, so who knows?

Who will win? It’s a tough call because there’s too fucking many nominees! (Office pools are screwed.) I’m gonna say Hurt Locker, though. I haven’t seen the film, but it’s topical and, apparently, more than just a popcorn film. (Although, since I know a guy who used to do what they do in the film, I know that it’s completely unbelievable.)

Speaking of “popcorn film,” I’m a little tired of that moniker being put on anything with a little action in it. I saw the last part of the nominations on The Today Show this morning and the “expert” they had on there talking about it called District 9 a popcorn film that never would have been nominated otherwise. He’s half right. It never would have been nominated because it’s a sci-fi film. But it is ANYTHING but a popcorn film. It’s dark. It’s depressing. And it full of political commentary that will always be on topic. A popcorn film is something with almost no thought behind it…or at least it doesn’t force you to think. The Indiana Jones films are popcorn films, although VERY good ones. Avatar is a popcorn film that should not be on this list. It’s “message” about race and “ugly Americans” is hackneyed and stale and only there to prop up a lot of cool effects and tall smurfs. District 9, on the other hand, uses its effects (which look better and more realistic, by the way, than Avatar’s) to prop up its message, which is much the same as Avatar’s. The message is given in a new way. It’s an amazing film that deserves better than the “popcorn” label that guy put on it.

Ok, enough about that. Hurt Locker will probably win, although, honestly, I think Up should win. It’s a beautiful film that doesn’t pull punches just because it’s a “kid’s film.” Pixar never underestimates their audience and that’s what makes their films timeless. No pandering just because the audience is aged in the single digits. Good for them!

BEST DIRECTOR

• Kathryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker
• James Cameron – Avatar
• Lee Daniels – Precious
• Jason Reitman – Up In The Air
• Quentin Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds

Kathryn and James duke it out again! This time, though, it’s in the Kodak Theatre instead in divorce court. Who will win, because it’ll be one of them. Lee, Jason and Quentin will be left in the dust.

I’m thinking Cameron is gonna win this one, no matter which film wins Best Picture. He did a great job of directing those pixels, even if the rest of the movie was kinda mediocre.

BEST ACTOR

• Jeff Bridges – Crazy Heart
• George Clooney – Up In The Air
• Colin Firth – A Single Man
• Morgan Freeman – Invictus
• Jeremy Renner – The Hurt Locker

I like all of these guys and wish them all the best, but I haven’t seen a single one of the movies. (I’m going to see Crazy Heart tomorrow. More on that then.) Just from what I’ve heard, I think Jeff has it, though. He won the Golden Globe and that’s typically a pretty good indication. That and there’s a HUGE emotional arc going on in that film, from what I’ve heard. Oscar loves a loser and Jeff is amazing at that sort of role.

Then again, Colin could come from behind (oh….I’m sorry…that was quite naughty, wasn’t it?) and take it from Jeff. Another loser and another huge emotional arc. AND Oscar loves a straight man playing a gay man.

My vote is still on Bridges, though. He’s due and the guy’s amazing in everything he does.

BEST ACTRESS

• Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side
• Helen Mirren – The Last Station
• Carey Mulligan – An Education
• Gabourey Sidibe – Precious
• Meryl Streep – Julie And Julia

Wait…did I read that right? Sandra Bullock? Are you kidding?!?!

Ok, whatever. I hear she’s actually really good in the movie…the only thing with any real life in the movie, actually. But she won’t win. Not a chance.

I’ve heard amazing things about Gabourey and Carey, but they also probably won’t win, as cool as it would be for a large, young black lady to win an Oscar.

This is probably going to be a fight between the two grand dames. Meryl and Helen are gonna duke it out. My guess is that the Academy is going to be in love with Meryl again for portraying a crazy old lady who was vivacious and full of life. Julia Child is a larger than life figure and Meryl stole the whole movie with what was apparently the only good thing about the movie. (Haven’t seen it and am not all that interested in seeing it…except for Meryl’s performance. If I could cut the Julie part out, I would be MUCH more interested.)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

• Matt Damon – Invictus
• Woody Harrelson – The Messenger
• Christopher Plummer – The Last Station
• Stanley Tucci – The Lovely Bones
• Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds

Is there any doubt who’s going to win this one? Christoph has it tied down. The only other film I’ve seen here is The Lovely Bones and Stanley was creepy and amazing, but Cristoph put in one of the best performances of the decade. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll take this one home.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

• Penelope Cruz – Nine
• Vera Farmiga – Up In The Air
• Maggie Gyllenhaal – Crazy Heart
• Anna Kendrick – Up In The Air
• Mo’Nique – Precious

Damn. I really need to get a job where I have more time to watch movies. I haven’t seen any of these, either. I’m guessing, though, that Mo’Nique is going to take it. She’s gotten nothing but accolades for her role as a horrible, uncaring mother. And, considering that she’s known as a comedian, it’s a big turnabout for her. She’s in the club, especially after winning the Golden Globe.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

• Mark Boal – The Hurt Locker
• Quentin Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds
• Alessandro Camon/Oren Moverman – The Messenger
• Joel Coen/Ethan Coen – A Serious Man
• Bob Peterson/Pete Doctor/Thomas McCarthy – Up

Up. All the way. Because it won’t win Best Picture, they’re going to give it this one as a consolation prize, even though it also has another award locked up. If not Up, then Hurt Locker will win, even though they didn’t stick to reality.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

• Neill Blomkamp/Terri Tatchell – District 9
• Nick Hornby – An Education
• Jesse Armstrong/Simon Blackwell/Armando Iannucci/Tony Roche – In The Loop
• Geoffrey Fletcher – Precious
• Jason Reitman/Sheldon Turner – Up In The Air

MAN, I really wanted to see In The Loop. It looked pretty awesome and fucking witty! That’s something we don’t see a whole lot in American movies these days. We gotta go to the Brits for that. It’s good to see that it’s being rewarded.

But it won’t win. Either Precious or Up In The Air will take this one home, since neither of them are going to win the big ones. My vote is on Precious because the Academy will feel guilty. Any other year, Up In The Air would probably take it, though.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

• Mauro Fiore – Avatar
• Christian Berger – Das Weisse Band – Eine Deutsche Kindergeschichte
• Bruno Delbonnel – Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince
• Barry Ackroyd – The Hurt Locker
• Robert Richardson – Inglourious Basterds

I would love it if a Harry Potter film would win an Oscar…but it’s not gonna happen. Most likely this will go to either Avatar or Das Weisse Band. Why? Because Oscar loves new technology (Avatar) and black and white (Das Weisse Band). Even though the German film wasn’t actually SHOT in b&w, Oscar doesn’t care. The end result is all that matters.

But Avatar will probably win, even though most of the “cinematography” was done after the fact. Fuck this movie. I’m starting to hate it.

BEST EDITING

• Stephen E Rivkin/John Refoua/James Cameron – Avatar
• Julian Clarke – District 9
• Bob Murawski/Chris Innis – The Hurt Locker
• Sally Menke – Inglourious Basterds
• Joe Klotz – Precious

Precious? Really? I haven’t heard anything about the style of that film. I figured it was just typical point and shoot, nothing special editing-wise. Huh. Weird.

I’m gonna vote for District 9 on this one. It may be the only one that it wins since Avatar is going to shut it out of just about everything else. It’s a real shame because it’s a great film.

BEST ART DIRECTION

• Rick Carter/Robert Stromberg/Kim Sinclair – Avatar
• David Warren/Anastasia Masaro – The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus
• John Myhre/Gordon Sim – Nine
• Sarah Greenwood/Katie Spencer – Sherlock Holmes
• Patrice Vermette/Maggie Gray – The Young Victoria

GODDAMMIT!!! My choice is Dr. Parnassus, but it will NEVER win against all of these movies! Sheeeeiiiiit.

Sigh. Avatar will probably fuck this one up, too. It was pretty beautiful. But Dr. Parnassus is perfectly messy, broken and, well, imaginative. Avatar is almost TOO pretty.

Please, Academy members. Give this to Gilliam and his crew. They NEED it and the movie deserves it. Search your feelings. You KNOW it to be true!

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

• Janet Patters – Bright Star
• Catherine Leterrier – Coco Avant Chanel
• Monique Prudhomme – The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus
• Colleen Atwood – Nine
• Sandy Powell – The Young Victoria

Once again: goddammit. Dr. Parnassus totally deserves this one, but it will probably be beat out by one of the actual period dramas, of which there are three here. But the costumes for Dr. Parnassus are WAY cooler and more intricate than anything I’ve seen in any of the other films. I still vote for Parnassus.

BEST MAKEUP

• Aldo Signoretti/Vittorio Sodano – Il Divo
• Barney Burman/Mindy Hall/Joel Harlow – Star Trek
• John Henry Gordon/Jenny Shircore – The Young Victoria

I totally vote for Star Trek here. Il Divo basically had makeup on one dude and The Young Victorians had to make Emily Blunt beautiful…wait. Already done. No makeup required. Star Trek wins! They painted a girl green!

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

• James Horner – Avatar
• Alexandre Desplat – The Fantastic Mr. Fox
• Marco Beltrami/Buck Sanders – The Hurt Locker
• Hans Zimmer – Sherlock Holmes
• Michael Giacchino – Up

James and Hans have the pedigree, but fuck ‘em. They’ve won enough. They’ve both won an Oscar each and been nominated a jillion times. I vote for either Alexandre or Michael. Yes, they’ve been nominated before (twice and three times, respectively), but they’ve never won and they’re doing interesting things with music.

My vote is for Alexandre. His score for Mr. Fox is fun and fits in with Wes Anderson’s non-original music choices perfectly. Do it. Don’t cuss him out of an award.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

• T-Bone Burnett/Ryan Bingham – “The Weary Kind” – Crazy Heart
• Reinhardt Wagner/Frank Thomas – “Loin de Paname” – Faubourg 36
• Maury Yeston – “Take It All” – Nine
• Randy Newman – “Almost There” – The Princess And The Frog
• Randy Newman – “Down In New Orleans” – The Princess And The Frog

Randy’s going to cancel himself out here. No more Oscars for him, even if it’s supposedly the best Disney movie in decades. Most likely, this one goes to either “Take It All” or “The Weary Kind.” My vote is on Crazy Heart. I haven’t heard any of these songs, but that’s where my vote goes. It just seems right.

BEST SOUND MIXING

• Christopher Boyes/Gary Summers/Andy Nelson/Tony Johnson – Avatar
• Paul NJ Ottosson/Ray Beckett – The Hurt Locker
• Michael Minkler/Tony Lamberti/Mark Ulano – Inglourious Basterds
• Anna Behlmer/Andy Nelson/Peter J Devlin – Star Trek
• Greg P Russell/Gary Summers/Geoffrey Patterson – Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

Wow. Let me reiterate this: Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen was nominated for an Oscar. I don’t care that it’s a technical award. It sucks that this was allowed to happen. All it will do is inflate Michael Bay’s ego, as if he had a goddamn thing to do with it.

Anyway, let’s ignore that abortion of a movie and see who should ACTUALLY win this one. My guess here is that, if Avatar doesn’t sweep everything as it should not, The Hurt Locker will take this one. It’s a war film. How could it not?

Then again, Avatar is also a war film of sorts, so it could take it. But I kinda think The Hurt Locker has it. It’s all about bombs, for Hitchcock’s sake!

By the way, where the fuck is District 9?

BEST SOUND EDITING

• Christopher Boyes/Gwendolyn Yates Whittle – Avatar
• Paul NJ Ottosson – The Hurt Locker
• Wylie Stateman – Inglourious Basterds
• Mark P Stoeckinger/Alan Rankin – Star Trek
• Michael Silvers/Tom Myers – Up

Here’s the big surprise in this category: no musical! Where’s Nine? Where’s Crazy Heart? There’s always a movie that has it’s main focus on music in this category.

Oh well. I’m giving it to Up, but Avatar will probably take it. Fuck ‘em.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

• Joe Letteri/Stephen Rosenbaum/Richard Baneham/Andy Jones – Avatar
• Dan Kaufman/Peter Muyzers/Robert Habros/Matt Aitken – District 9
• Roger Guyett/Russell Earl/Paul Kavanagh/Burt Dalton – Star Trek

Finally, one that I think Avatar should win….if I hadn’t seen District 9. Yes, Avatar was beautiful and the 3D worked perfectly. But we were still watching a really violent cartoon. With District 9, everything looked totally real. AND it was done with a pretty small budget.

Suck it, Cameron. District 9 should win this one…but you will. Dammit.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

• Coraline
• The Fantastic Mr. Fox
• The Princess And The Frog
• The Secret Of Kells
• Up

Any other year, I would say that Mr. Fox should win this. But this is the year of Up. It’s an amazing film and should win every award that it’s up for…including Best Picture. But it won’t win that, so it WILL win this one. No contest.

By the way, has anyone even heard of The Secret Of Kells? I mean, I’m not begrudging it a nomination here. I’m all for nominating the little guys. But what the fuck is it?

BEST FOREIGN FILM

• Ajami (Israel)
• Das Weisse Band – Eine Deutsche Kindergeschicte (Germany)
• El Secreto de Sus Ojos (Argentina)
• Un Prophete (France)
• La Teta Asustada (Peru)

I know nothing about any of these…except that La Teta Asustada literally means The Frightened Tit. It wins.

Seriously, though, Ajami will probably win. It’s a coming of age story in Israel. That’s a done deal.

BEST DOCUMENTARY

• Burma VJ
• The Cove
• Food, Inc.
• The Most Dangerous Man In America
• Which Way Home

These are all perfectly good Oscar bait, but my money’s on The Cove. It’s controversial. It’s about nature. And it shows how awful we are to animals. It wins.

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT

• China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears Of Sichuan Province
• The Last Campaign Of Governor Booth Gardner
• The Last Truck: Closing Of A GM Plant
• Krolik Po Berlinsku
• Music By Prudence

This is always a tough one, but this year it seems to be tougher than ever. We have one about an earthquake that killed thousands, assisted suicide, a GM plant closing in a small midwestern town, rabbits living between the Berlin Walls paralleling the humans on either side of the walls and a Zimbabwean woman whose broken body holds in the beautiful music that she can make. Who’s to win?

I’m going for the GM plant. It’s close to home and something that everyone can get behind.

BEST ANIMATED SHORT

• French Roast
• Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty
• La Dama Y La Meurte
• Logorama
• Wallace And Gromit in “A Matter Of Loaf And Death”

Not so sure about this one, either, but my vote goes to Wallace And Gromit. They’ve been absent from our lives for a while (even longer from the shorts category), and I think everyone misses them.

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT

• The Door
• Istallet For Abrakadabra
• Kavi
• Miracle Fish
• The New Tenants

I’m thinking that the one about the little boy forced to work in the brick kiln and looking for a way out is gonna take this one. None of the others even come close to being that dramatic. And, as we know, drama always wins. So, Kavi has it.

That’s all, folks! All the nominees. I hope you enjoyed my predictions and, most of all, I hope they’re right. Who knows how much money I have riding on this.

Directed by: Terry Gilliam
Written by: Terry Gilliam/Charles McKeown

A new Terry Gilliam movie is always a reason to celebrate for me, but I’ve been a little bit hesitant after his last couple. Brothers Grimm was fun, but not all that great and the less said about Tideland, the better.

What did I think of his latest opus? Find out after these messages.

RED RIDING–A trilogy of films about a British serial killer and the investigation that played out over a decade? Yes, please! This looks really cool. Each film takes place in a different year with the same characters in different parts of their own investigations of the killings. Each installment has a different director so, hopefully, a different style. If only I had gone to Telluride this year, I would have seen them already.

They’ve already given remake rights to Ridley Scott. One movie. Dumbasses.

That’s the only preview I can remember, so on with the show!

Dr. Parnassus (Christopher Plummer) is in dire straits. He’s immortal and hates it. Not only that, but he promised the Devil (Tom Waits in the role he was born to play) his daughter on her 16th birthday, which is fast approaching.

What’s a 1000 year old man to do?

He and his troupe of out-dated performers have a run-in with a very strange man named Tony (Heath Ledger, among others) who was hanging from a bridge, seemingly dead. Is he a godsend? Or is he something worse?

Parnassus’ daughter, Valentina (Lily Cole, who I can’t wait to see in other movies), is falling for the charms of Tony, but fellow actor Anton (Andrew Garfield, also in Red Riding) is madly in love with her. Will he ever convince her to his clumsy charms are more real than Tony’s suaveness?

Then there’s Percy (Verne Troyer in absolutely his best role), the real brains behind the crew.

This is a Gilliam movie, so there is plenty of magic, darkness and full-on crazy to go around. And the world that Parnassus and his crew live in is pretty amazing. They’re back-dated, it’s true, but who cares? They travel in a gypsy-like carriage pulled by a team of horses. When they pull the stage out, a new world of old magic opens up to a world not willing to watch anymore. Like moviegoers in our own world, the audience in Parnassus’ world aren’t interested in the stories that he was meant to tell. They only want sturm and drang. And that’s too bad, because the old man has some great stories under his belt.

Is this Gilliam’s way of telling audiences that they’re stupid for making the likes of Michael Bay as popular as they are and relegating filmmakers like himself to the discount theatres? Quite possibly. But he doesn’t do it in an insulting way. He suggests that it’s all conditioning. Times change and so do styles. Sure, old storytellers could change with the times, but they have to stay true to themselves or they become hacks. Tools of the Devil.

I loved this movie. It took a while to figure out exactly what was going on, but that’s true of just about every Gilliam film. Give it the time and energy that it deserves and you’ll be rewarded.

Be warned that the special effects are, in a way, sub-par. But that really doesn’t matter. The CGI is only used in the fantasy world behind the mirror. (No, I didn’t explain that. Find out for yourself.) That’s why the cheap effects work so well. Sure, the giant cobra looks cartoony and silly, but it’s supposed to look cartoony and silly. Just go with it.

Now for what we’re all waiting for: how was Heath in his last role? Actually, he was pretty amazing. Yeah, it hurts that he didn’t get to finish the film, but the way they get past that is pretty ingenious and it works perfectly. (Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell do great Heath impressions.) In fact, it’s almost hard to imagine the film being made any other way.

I’m a little upset that it took me so long to see this film, but I did finally get to see it. Do yourself a favor and go see it now. It’s one of Gilliam’s best films.

Harry Knowles is, for two days every year, the luckiest film geek in the world. And a chosen few of us are able to share those two days with him. I don’t know how I got chosen, but I’m glad I did.

This year I actually got to talk to Harry and he was about to tell me WHY I was chosen when he was distracted by a shiny object. DAMMIT!!! I need to know so I’ll know to do it again every year!!

Anyway, whatever the reason, I had my butt in a seat at the Alamo for 26 1/2 hours watching some awesome movies. Here’s how the night went:

We had to start off with the annual torture of one of the Alamo friends. Tim always tells him that he’s going to show Teen Wolf during BNAT and, every year, something “fucks up” and he doesn’t get to show it. This year he had a Dolby “representative” (actually Scott Weinberg in a Dolby shirt) guarantee that the screening would go off without a hitch because of their brand new digital system.

Of course, hitches happen and Scott gave Tim a check for $15,000 “on behalf of Thomas Dolby.”

Many yuks were had by all. Then the movies really started.

FAUST (1926)

Directed by: FW Murnau
Written by: Gerhart Hauptmann/Hans Kyser
Based on play by: Johann Wolfgang Goethe

FW Murnau’s Faust has always been pointed to as one of the more amazing achievements in silent cinema. The special effects are still pretty awesome to this day.

If you don’t know the story, you’ve probably been living under a cultural rock, but I’ll explain a little bit here. God and the Devil are hanging out and make a bet. God says that Faust (Gosta Ekman), a genuinely good man, can’t be corrupted. The Devil (Emil Jannings), however, thinks that he can, and he sets out to prove it. He comes to Earth as a man called Mephisto and gives Faust back his youth, helping a beautiful young woman fall in love with him.

Faust shuns him at first, but then decides to allow Mephisto to give him a trial run of a day. When that’s not long enough, Mephisto has him and it’s all over.

In its day, it was one of the biggest spectacles that audiences had ever seen. It’s still pretty spectacular, although it’s easier to see how they did all of it now. And Jannings is perfect as the slimy and underhanded Mephisto. He vamps it up and is generally evil in all the right ways.

The organ accompaniment was pretty perfect, too. I wish I could remember the guy’s name, but it’s been a few days. Anyway, he was great.

If you ever get a chance to see this movie, go. And, in going, be amazed.

THE LOVELY BONES (2009)

Directed by: Peter Jackson
Written by: Peter Jackson/Fran Walsh/Philippa Boyens
Based on book by: Alice Sebold

Peter Jackson can probably do no wrong in Hollywood right now. Sure, King Kong didn’t do was well as everyone wanted it to do, but he directed and produced fucking Lord Of The Rings! Give that man anything he wants!

So they did. He wanted to do a small story this time out, so he chose Alice Sebold’s novel about a young girl named Susie (Saoirse Ronan from Atonement) who was killed by a neighbor in the early 70s. She narrates the story from a place called The In Between. Not quite Heaven, but definitely not Hell. More like a fantasy land that is almost like Earth, but much more surreal.

Meanwhile, her family tries to go on. Her dad (Mark Wahlberg) is obesessed with finding her killer. Her mom (Rachel Weisz) can’t seem to move on, but can’t stand what her husband is doing. Her grandmother (Susan Sarandon) is a bit of a drunkard who tells everyone that she’s 35. Her younger sister and brother are doing their best, but it’s hard when their parents can’t seem to cope.

Meanwhile still, the investigation is almost going nowhere under Len Fenerman (Michael Imperioli) doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. The killer (Stanely Tucci) is still at large and still living about 100 feet from Susie’s family.

I gotta tell you, two movies into BNAT this year and I was emotionally drained. The Lovely Bones was something that I usually don’t go in for: a beautiful movie. Not only was the story beautiful (Susie’s journey from needing to have revenge on her killer to just wanting her family to cope), but the In Between was beautiful, too. Surreal, dreamlike and heartwrenching at times.

I loved this movie. It’s long, but I don’t expect much less from Mr. Jackson. He knows exactly what to leave in and wheat to cut out, and he knows how to pull the heartstrings without making us feel like we’ve been duped into crying.

Maybe it’s not the best film out there, but it didn’t matter while I was watching it. And it still doesn’t matter to me. I kinda want to see it again. I don’t necessarily believe in any kind of afterlife, but goddamn, this movie gave me hope for kids who die like Susie.

GIRL CRAZY (1943)

Directed by: Norman Taurog/Busby Berkeley
Written by: Fred F. Finklehoffe/Dorothy Kingsley/William Ludwig/Sid Silvers
Based on play by: Guy Bolton/Jack McGowan

After Lovely Bones, we were all pretty much beaten down. As Harry said, though, what better to bring a room back up than a Judy Garland/Mickey Rooney musical?

Well, I can think of a LOT of things, but this’ll do.

Mickey is a rich playboy who is sent out West by his father to learn a lesson in life. Unfortunately for Mickey, the place he’s sent is an all boys school. No girls at all! What’s a girl crazy boy to do?!?!

Well, he doesn’t have to worry too much. This small town has one girl: Judy. And he instantly falls for her, even if she doesn’t fall for him so easily.

Of course, her grandfather is the dean of the school. And, of course, there’s a guy who she’s pretty much paired with. And, of course, hardly any of the other guys like Mickey. And, of course, the school is threatened with closure unless they can come up with money/applicants.

Car wash!!

Ok, no. No car wash. But there is a rodea, which they pronounce like Rodeo Drive in Hollywood, as opposed to an actual rodeo.

Hollywood. Psh.

It’s a pretty fun little flick, but I’m not rushing out to rent the rest of Mickey and Judy’s collaborations. There was, however, a pretty good Busby Berkeley number at the end. Busby was supposed to direct the whole movie, but he was fired after they filmed this one scene. Too bad, because the movie could have used some of Busby’s flair.

Of course, the script did have some gems like “The things you see when you don’t have a gun!” and “Money is just like women and popcorn: The more you get, the more you want.” I still don’t understand the gun line. The fuck was Judy saying?!

THE RED SHOES (1948)

Directed by: Michael Powell/Emeric Pressburger
Written by: Emeric Pressburger/Michael Powell/Keith Winter
Based on fairy tale by: Hans Christian Andersen

This is one of those movies that I’ve always heard about, but never seen. It’s a ballet movie and I have very little (if any) interest in ballet. Why would I care?

Well, it turns out that…um…I was right. This was the movie that I had the least fun watching at BNAT this year. But Harry didn’t program it. I’ll get to that later, though.

The Red Shoes is a fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen about a young dancer who wants to be the best dancer in the world. She buys some shoes from a shoemaker that make her dance perfectly…but then she can’t take them off and she can’t stop dancing.

But that’s not what the movie is about. The movie is about a young woman (Moira Shearer, who was really a ballet dancer) who is chosen to be the lead character in a new ballet based on The Red Shoes written by a young writer (Marius Goring). The two start to fall in love, much to the chagrin of the leader of the dance troupe (Anton Walbrook). He is emotionless and feels that his dancers should be, too.

The movie was really good, but I hated the two men. They were both jackasses. And the girl really wasn’t a whole lot better. Add to that a lot of scenes of ballet (which, I guess, were great) and I was just kind of uninterested.

The best thing about the movie (besides Moira being a beautiful redhead) was seeing how amazing the print was! Martin Scorsese’s film restoration crew have really outdone themselves on this one. It looked like it was made last year. The Technicolor was beautiful and made me miss that process a lot.

I’m glad I saw it, but I probably won’t revisit it.

SHUTTER ISLAND (2010)

Directed by: Martin Scorsese
Written by: Laeta Kalogridis
Based on book by: Dennis Lehane

Now we get to the guy who actually programmed The Red Shoes. Harry originally wanted to lead in to Shutter Island with Sam Fuller’s asylum masterpiece Shock Corridor. He wasn’t even sure if he would get Shutter Island when he got that print. He had to write a letter to Scorsese to see if he could show it and to explain what BNAT is.

Well, Marty wrote him back saying what an amazing idea BNAT is and how he wished that he could join us. But there’s just one thing: don’t lead in with Shock Corridor. Lead in with The Red Shoes. Here’s a print.

How do you say no?

There is actually a very direct link between the two movies, so I can see it. But I would have rather seen Shock Corridor.

Shutter Island, on the other hand, was pretty great. Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a Boston US Marshall in the 50s sent to a local criminal asylum to investigate a missing patient. His new partner, Chuck (Mark Ruffalo), was brought in from Seattle to help Teddy out. Why is it that it almost seems like the missing patient never existed? What is Dr. John Cawley (Ben Kingsley) hiding? Is Dr. Jeremiah Naerhing (Max von Sydow) a Nazi doing crazy experiments? And why can’t Teddy let go of his dead wife (Michelle Williams)?

It took me a little while to really get into this movie, mostly because the editing seems to be really awful in the beginning. Eventually, though, I realized what was going on and it all worked out. The movie is a mind-fuck of the highest order and it made me want to red the Dennis Lehane novel that it was based on in a way that Mystic River did not.

It may not seem like the most Scorsese-iest of movies, but he’s done well again. Keep up the streak, Marty. We like you being back.

LE MAGNIFIQUE (1973)

Directed by: Philippe de Broca
Written by: Philippe de Broca/Vittorio Caprioli/Jean-Paul Rappeneau/Francis Veber

I wonder how much John Candy’s Delerious borrowed from this movie.

Bob Sanit-Clair (Jean-Paul Belmondo) is the world’s most famous secret agent. He shoots randomly into trees, hitting hitmen before they even know that they are hitmen. He sees through every disguise. And he always gets the girl (Jacqueline Bisset).

He’s also being written by Francois Merlin (also Belmondo), a writer who just knows that he can do something besides these crappy pulp spy novels. But they make him money to live off of and they’re very easy for him to write.

On the other side of his aparetment building is Christine (Bissett again), the young lady he’s slightly obsessed with. Can he win her over by letting her read his awful books?

The movie is way funnier than it sounds like it should be. It opens with the spy story and looks like the Zuker brothers and Jim Abrahams had decided to make a spy movie. (Oh wait…they did. It was Top Secret. But this is funnier!) It’s full of great slapstick and some awful puns that make you cringe and laugh at the same time. Add to that the Merlin side of the story that makes you feel for this guy and you’ve got a movie that even French haters can love.

Harry has been trying to show this movie for seven years. I’m glad that he finally got to. It was worth the wait.

MICMACS (2009)

Directed by: Jean-Pierre Jeunet
Written by: Jean-Pierre Jeunet/Guillaume Laurant

I had no idea that Jean-Pierre Jeunet was even working on a new film, much less that he had one in the can! I would have been MUCH more excited if I had known.

Bazil’s (Dany Boon) dad was killed by a land mine when Bazil was very young. Thirty years later, Dany is shot in the head and survives. The doctors can’t take the bullet out without possibly making Bazil a vegetable.

Eventually Bazil falls in with a group of homeless folks who collect junk and make it into amazing things. He also finds out that the weapons companies that made the land mine and the bullet are right across the street from each other. The rest of the movie is a Rube Goldbergian plot to bring down both companies…and yet so much more.

If you’ve ever loved Jeunet’s films before, you’ll love this one, too. He brings his usual sense of humor and (shudder…I hate this word) whimsy to the screen and makes us fall in love with this ragtag bunch of geniuses, which includes his old standby, Dominique Pinon.

FROZEN (2010)

Directed by: Adam Green
Written by: Adam Green

Adam Gren has a lot of enemies in the horror world, and I’m not really sure why. Hatchet was a fun flick that didn’t try to be anything more and Spiral, while not brilliant, showed us all that he had some talent for something besides gore.

Now he mixes those two things to bring us something like Open Water on a ski lift. (On the fake lineup that Harry always posts, this slot was filled by Lifeboat. I can see why.)

Three college kids (Emma Bell, Kevin Zegers and Shawn Ashmore) are on a weekend ski trip. It’s Sunday and they want one more time down the mountain. They talk the lift guy into letting them go up one more time, but through a chain of events, they end up stuck on the lift. And the resort doesn’t open again until the next Friday. Now, how do they et down? And are those wolves they’re hearing?

That little premise holds a lot more fear than it seems like it should. Not only is there plenty of suspense, but there’s more emotion than you would think of coming from Adam. The two guys have been best friends since grade school and the girl is dating one of them. You can see where that’s going.

Not an amazing film by any means, but absolutely worth checking out. One of my friends who hates Adam said that this is absolutely his best film. He liked it quite a bit. If that’s not a recommendation, I don’t know what is.

THE CENTIPEDE HORROR (1984)

Directed by: Keith Li
Written by: Amy Chan Suet-Ming

Hong Kong isn’t really known for thier horror movies…and there’s kind of a reason for that. Most of them are pretty silly. I mean, Mr. Vampire is a great movie, but it’s silly as hell.

The Centipede Horror really won’t win any converts for HK horror. In fact, it will probably make people run from the genre.

The movie was introduced to us as being horribly vile and banned in many countries. I don’t really understand what the hell Tim and Zack were talking about. Yeah, there were a couple of gross-out moments, but it really wasn’t any worse than most Hollywood movies now. Vomiting centipedes (real ones!) is gross, but it’s not as squirm enducing as they made it out to be.

A couple of young girls go from HK to SE Asia (they talk about it like it’s a country) for a quick vacation. They’ve been warned to never go there, but they go anyway and, of course, one of them DIES!!!! She’s killed by centipedes, which apparently have a bite so strange that no doctor knows what one looks like.

Her brother comes to SE Asia to find out what happened and gets trapped in a plot by an evil wizard who hates the guy’s grandfather. He’s cursing everyone in the man’s family to be killed by centipedes.

What’s really interesting about this movie is how quickly everyone is ready to jump on the “maybe it’s something supernatural” bandwagon. Someone trips and their friend says, “Maybe an evil wizard cursed you!”

It’s a pretty awful movie, but it’s funny in its awfulness. Possibly the worst movie of the day, but it was enough fun that I was able to enjoy it. If you’re a fan of bad, weird Asian cinema, see if you can find it. And watch for the broiled zombie chickens.

THE CANDY SNATCHERS (1973)

Directed by: Guerdon Trueblood
Written by: Bryan Gindoff

The fake lineup movie for this one was The Lovely Bones. Heh.

Candy (Susan Sennett) is a 16 year old daughter of a jewel store manager. She gets kidnapped by three inept criminals who want a bag full of diamonds from her dad. What they don’t realize is that daddy isn’t too hip to getting Candy back.

I really don’t have a lot to say about this one. It’s an exploitation film that I don’t think made a really big impression on anyone except for the weird relationship that Candy developes with one of the kidnappers. It’s not supposed to be sexual, but it’s still a little bit creepy.

And then there’s the ending with the mute kid and his annoying mom. She’s SUPER-annoying. But her kid isn’t much better, really, and he’s suppoed to be sort of a hero of the movie…kind of.

IRON MAN 2 TRAILER

This was the only clip we had all night! I was a little surprised. It started out as an E! True Hollywood Story style bit about Harry with Jon Favreau, JJ Abrams and Michael Fucking Bay talking about how Harry nearly ruined their careers. Then Jon comes back and introduces the trailer. It looks pretty awesome, although I agree with one reviewer: Mickey Rourke’s Whiplash looks like he’s more of a danger to himself than to Iron Man. We’ll see, though. I’ll be there. You know it.

KICK-ASS (2010)

Directed by: Matthew Vaughan
Written by: Matthew Vaughan/Jane Goldman
Based on comic by: Mark Millar

I kind of can’t believe that they allowed a movie to be called Kick-Ass, but that’s really the only way that I could describe the movie, to be perfectly honest.

Dave (Aaron Johnson) is a geek. He’s a little bit obsessed with comic books and spends most of his time with his two buddies at a local coffee shop/comic book store. (Why hasn’t someone opened one of these up in Austin?!)

That’s where he gets the idea. The idea that will change his life forever. How come no one has ever become a superhero? So that’s just what he does. He goes out and buys a wet suit and walks around town until he finds some crime to fight…and gets his ass beat.

Kick-Ass didn’t have a very auspicious beginning, but he soon finds out that there are other people doing it…and they’re much better at it than he is.

Damon Macready (Nicolas Cage and his moustache) is a devoted father to Mindy (Chloe Moretz from (500) Days Of Summer and Hammer’s upcoming remake of Let The Right One In). So devoted, in fact, that he has taught her to kick some major ass…and he helps her steal the movie from everyone else.

Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong from Rocknrolla) is a gangster. He’s also a family man. His son, Chris (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), goes to school with Dave, but he’s never able to make friends with anyone. Too many bodyguards. All he wants to do is fit in at school. And, of course, be just like his dad.

The movie wasn’t quite finished, but DAMN was it good! It never let up! The action only stops long enough to let some more comedy in. And there’s more than enough story and character to go around. It’s surprising to me that this was based on a comic book by the same guy who created Wanted.

I’m not really sure how this movie is going to find an audience, though. It’s a pretty hard R what with all of the violence and cursing being perpetrated by small children. (Mindy says things that would make a grown-ass man blush.) But I really hope that it’s a hit.

Kick-Ass comes out in April with a few CGI tweaks and a slightly different soundtrack. The soundtrack was a major source of consternation amongst the audience. It was fucking perfect the way it was! But Warner Brothers won’t let them use the Batman and Superman themes. That’s really too bad, because they’re used in scenes that are perfect with those themes.

Speaking of the soundtrack, there’s one scene where the audience burst out into applause and then started clapping along to the score. I’ve been to a LOT of movies in my life and that is something that I’ve never witnessed.

Yeah. We all loved this movie. It was my favorite of the day. Go see it in April.

Director Matthew Vaughan was at the screening and talked a bit about the casting process. Apparently, there’s a mother out there who was very upset with the fact that there was a masturbation reference on page three. She thought that it would give her 16 year old son bad ideas. Lady! Your 16 year old son had those ideas at LEAST three years ago! And he’s had those same ideas a LOT! Stop worrying about it!

Before I go, one more plea:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET MATTHEW VAUGHAN USE THE BATMAN AND SUPERMAN THEMES!!!!

GodDAMN, I can’t wait to see this movie again!

Ok. I’m done. On to the next movie

AVATAR (2009)

Visuals: Story:

Directed by: James Cameron
Written by: James Cameron

I really wish that Harry had ended the day with Kick-Ass, but whatever. The day ended the way it needed to, not the way we wanted it to.

We all know what Avatar is by now: James Cameron’s new half-billion dollar movie about aliens, environmentalism and 3-D.

But we don’t all know what it’s like. I do. I’ll tell you.

Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) is a Marine who is now paralyzed. His twin brother was part of the Avatar project, which allows humans to go out onto a hostile planet without dying from the atmosphere. They are basically able to project their minds into artificial bodies of the local inhabitants. This also means that they can (sort of) blend in with the aliens.

The Marines are there to take a certain element from the planet, no matter what the inhabitants say. The unfortunate thing for all involved is the fact that the biggest deposit is right under the giant tree that the inhabitants live in.

The other unfortunate thing is that Jake is actually a little bit sensitive. While he’s in his brother’s avatar, he falls in love with one of the natives (Zoe Saldana) and decides that they deserve to live their lives the way they want to.

SHOCK!!

The other side of things involves Sigourney Weaver as a scientist who feels the same way as Jake and Giovanni Ribisi as an engineer (maybe?) who thinks that these “savages” need to get the hell out of the way of Earthling’s progress.

It’s Dances With Ferngully! Add in some comments about how “we ARE the terrorists” and you’ve got a modern fable about America and how selfish we are.

I dunno. The movie is decent as far as the story is concerned. Nothing special, though.

No one cares about the story, though. Not really. They’re going for the spectacle. And that spectacle is fucking amazing! The CGI is nearly perfect. (Still a bit cartoony for my taste, but that’s to be expected…kinda.) The 3-D is amazing. The world that Cameron and his crew created is beautiful. It’s absolutely worth seeing on the big screen in 3-D. Probably even on the IMAX.

I just really wish that he had attached a better story to those visuals.

Well, maybe next time…ten years from now.

That’s it from BNAT! It was actually a pretty amazing day. Harry fully admits that the last couple of years have been a little bit on the lame side. Not terrible at all, but not really want BNAT is all about. He’s remembered now and, hopefully, his mojo is back. We’ll see next year.

See you in the theatre. I’ll be right behind you.